Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady
Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady
Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady
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<strong>Clarissa</strong>, <strong>Volume</strong> 6 − <strong>The</strong> <strong>History</strong> <strong>Of</strong> A <strong>Young</strong> <strong>Lady</strong> 47<br />
I pity her with all my soul; and I curse myself, when she is in her wailing fits, and when I apprehend that<br />
intellects, so charming, are for ever damped.<br />
But more I curse these women, who put me upon such an expedient! Lord! Lord! what a hand have I made of<br />
it!−−And all for what?<br />
Last night, for the first time since Monday night, she got to her pen and ink; but she pursues her writing with<br />
such eagerness and hurry, as show too evidently her discomposure.<br />
I hope, however, that this employment will help to calm her spirits.<br />
***<br />
Just now Dorcas tells me, that what she writes she tears, and throws the paper in fragments under the table,<br />
either as not knowing what she does, or disliking it: then gets up, wrings her hands, weeps, and shifts her seat<br />
all round the room: then returns to her table, sits down, and writes again.<br />
***<br />
One odd letter, as I may call it, Dorcas has this moment given me from her−−Carry this, said she, to the vilest<br />
of men. Dorcas, a toad, brought it, without any further direction to me. I sat down, intending (though 'tis pretty<br />
long) to give thee a copy of it: but, for my life, I cannot; 'tis so extravagant. And the original is too much an<br />
original to let it go out of my hands.<br />
But some of the scraps and fragments, as either torn through, or flung aside, I will copy, for the novelty of the<br />
thing, and to show thee how her mind works now she is in the whimsical way. Yet I know I am still furnishing<br />
thee with new weapons against myself. But spare thy comments. My own reflections render them needless.<br />
Dorcas thinks her lady will ask for them: so wishes to have them to lay again under the table.<br />
By the first thou'lt guess that I have told her that Miss Howe is very ill, and can't write; that she may account<br />
the better for not having received the letter designed for her.<br />
PAPER I (Torn in two pieces.)<br />
MY DEAREST MISS HOWE,<br />
O what dreadful, dreadful things have I to tell you! But yet I cannot tell you neither. But say, are you really ill,<br />
as a vile, vile creature informs me you are?<br />
But he never yet told me truth, and I hope has not in this: and yet, if it were not true, surely I should have<br />
heard from you before now!−−But what have I to do to upbraid?−−You may well be tired of me!−−And if you<br />
are, I can forgive you; for I am tired of myself: and all my own relations were tired of me long before you<br />
were.<br />
How good you have always been to me, mine own dear Anna Howe!−−But how I ramble!<br />
I sat down to say a great deal−−my heart was full−−I did not know what to say first−−and thought, and grief,<br />
and confusion, and (O my poor head) I cannot tell what−−and thought, and grief and confusion, came<br />
crowding so thick upon me; one would be first; another would be first; all would be first; so I can write<br />
nothing at all.−−Only that, whatever they have done to me, I cannot tell; but I am no longer what I was−in any<br />
one thing did I say? Yes, but I am; for I am still, and I ever will be,