Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady

Clarissa, Volume 6 − The History Of A Young Lady 44
upon what they call their honour; that's all.
And yet I will allow thee this−−that if a person sets a high value upon any thing, be it ever such a trifle in
itself, or in the eye of others, the robbing of that person of it is not a trifle to him. Take the matter in this light,
I own I have done wrong, great wrong, to this admirable creature.
But have I not known twenty and twenty of the sex, who have seemed to carry their notions of virtue high;
yet, when brought to the test, have abated of their severity? And how should we be convinced that any of them
are proof till they are tried?
A thousand times have I said, that I never yet met with such a woman as this. If I had, I hardly ever should
have attempted Miss Clarissa Harlowe. Hitherto she is all angel: and was not that the point which at setting
out I proposed to try?* And was not cohabitation ever my darling view? And am I not now, at last, in the high
road to it?−−It is true, that I have nothing to boast of as to her will. The very contrary. But now are we come
to the test, whether she cannot be brought to make the best of an irreparable evil. If she exclaim, [she has
reason to exclaim, and I will sit down with patience by the hour together to hear her exclamations, till she is
tired of them,] she will then descend to expostulation perhaps: expostulation will give me hope: expostulation
will show that she hates me not. And, if she hate me not, she will forgive: and, if she now forgive, then will all
be over; and she will be mine upon my own terms: and it shall then be the whole study of my future life to
make her happy.
* See Vol. III. Letter XVIII.
So, Belford, thou seest that I have journeyed on to this stage [indeed, through infinite mazes, and as infinite
remorses] with one determined point in view from the first. To thy urgent supplication then, that I will do her
grateful justice by marriage, let me answer in Matt. Prior's two lines on his hoped−for auditorship; as put into
the mouths of his St. John and Harley;
−−−Let that be done, which Matt. doth say. YEA, quoth the Earl−−BUT NOT TO−DAY.
Thou seest, Jack, that I make no resolutions, however, against doing her, one time or other, the wished−for
justice, even were I to succeed in my principal view, cohabitation. And of this I do assure thee, that, if I ever
marry, it must, it shall be Miss Clarissa Harlowe.−−Nor is her honour at all impaired with me, by what she has
so far suffered: but the contrary. She must only take care that, if she be at last brought to forgive me, she show
me that her Lovelace is the only man on earth whom she could have forgiven on the like occasion.
But ah, Jack! what, in the mean time, shall I do with this admirable creature? At present−−[I am loth to say
it−−but, at present] she is quite stupified.
I had rather, methinks, she should have retained all her active powers, though I had suffered by her nails and
her teeth, than that she should be sunk into such a state of absolute−−insensibility (shall I call it?) as she has
been in every since Tuesday morning. Yet, as she begins a little to revive, and now−and−then to call names,
and to exclaim, I dread almost to engage with the anguish of a spirit that owes its extraordinary agitations to a
niceness that has no example either in ancient or modern story. For, after all, what is there in her case that
should stupify such a glowing, such a blooming charmer?−−Excess of grief, excess of terror, have made a
person's hair stand on end, and even (as we have read) changed the colour of it. But that it should so stupify,
as to make a person, at times, insensible to those imaginary wrongs, which would raise others from
stupifaction, is very surprising!
But I will leave this subject, least it should make me too grave.
I was yesterday at Hampstead, and discharged all obligations there, with no small applause. I told them that