Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady

Clarissa, Volume 6 − The History Of A Young Lady 30
where the said woman is a parishioner: We do hereby, for good causes, [it cost me−−let me see, Jack−−what
did it cost me?] give and grant our License, as well to you as to the parties contracting, as to the Rector, Vicar,
or Curate of the said church, where the said marriage is intended to be solemnized, to solemnize the same, in
manner and form above specified, according to the rites and ceremonies prescribed in the Book of Common
Prayer in that behalf published by authority of Parliament. Provided always, that if hereafter any fraud shall
appear to have been committed, at the time of granting this License, either by false suggestions, or
concealment of the truth, [now this, Belford, is a little hard upon us; for I cannot say that every one of our
suggestions is literally true:−−so, in good conscience, I ought not to marry under this License;] the License
shall be void to all intents and purposes, as if the same had not been granted. And in that case we do inhibit all
ministers whatsoever, if any thing of the premises shall come to their knowledge, from proceeding to the
celebration of the said Marriage; without first consulting Us, or our Vicar−general. Given,' &c.
Then follow the register's name, and a large pendent seal, with these words round it−−SEAL OF THE
VICAR−GENERAL AND OFFICIAL PRINCIPAL OF THE DIOCESE OF LONDON.
A good whimsical instrument, take it altogether! But what, thinkest thou, are the arms to this matrimonial
harbinger?−−Why, in the first place, two crossed swords; to show that marriage is a state of offence as well as
defence; three lions; to denote that those who enter into the state ought to have a triple proportion of courage.
And [couldst thou have imagined that these priestly fellows, in so solemn a case, would cut their jokes upon
poor souls who came to have their honest desires put in a way to be gratified;] there are three crooked horns,
smartly top−knotted with ribands; which being the ladies' wear, seem to indicate that they may very probably
adorn, as well as bestow, the bull's feather.
To describe it according to heraldry art, if I am not mistaken−−gules, two swords, saltire−wise, or; second
coat, a chevron sable between three bugle−horns, OR [so it ought to be]: on a chief of the second, three lions
rampant of the first−−but the devil take them for their hieroglyphics, should I say, if I were determined in
good earnest to marry!
And determined to marry I would be, were it not for this consideration, that once married, and I am married
for life.
That's the plague of it!−−Could a man do as the birds do, change every Valentine's day, [a natural
appointment! for birds have not the sense, forsooth, to fetter themselves, as we wiseacre men take great and
solemn pains to do,] there would be nothing at all in it. And what a glorious time would the lawyers have, on
the one hand, with their noverini universi's, and suits commenceable on restitution of goods and chattels; and
the parsons, on the other, with their indulgencies [renewable annually, as other licenses] to the honest desires
of their clients?
Then, were a stated mullet, according to rank or fortune, to be paid on every change, towards the exigencies of
the state [but none on renewals with the old lives, for the sake of encouraging constancy, especially among the
minores] the change would be made sufficiently difficult, and the whole public would be the better for it;
while those children, which the parents could not agree about maintaining, might be considered as the children
of the public, and provided for like the children of the antient Spartans; who were (as ours would in this case
be) a nation of heroes. How, Jack, could I have improved upon Lycurgus's institutions had I been a lawgiver!
Did I never show thee a scheme which I drew up on such a notion as this? −−In which I demonstrated the
conveniencies, and obviated the inconveniencies, of changing the present mode to this? I believe I never did.
I remember I proved to a demonstration, that such a change would be a mean of annihilating, absolutely
annihilating, four or five very atrocious and capital sins.−−Rapes, vulgarly so called; adultery, and
fornication; nor would polygamy be panted after. Frequently would it prevent murders and duelling; hardly
any such thing as jealousy (the cause of shocking violences) would be heard of: and hypocrisy between man