Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady

Clarissa, Volume 6 − The History Of A Young Lady 107
off my journey till then−−and may God−−
Swear not, Sir!−−with an awful and piercing aspect−−you have too often sworn!−−God's eye is upon
us!−−His more immediate eye; and looked wildly. −−But the women looked up to the ceiling, as if afraid of
God's eye, and trembled. And well they might, and I too, who so very lately had each of us the devil in our
hearts.
If not to−morrow, Madam, say but next Thursday, your uncle's birth−day; say but next Thursday!
'This I say, of this you may assure yourself, I never, never will be your's.−−And let me hope, that I may be
entitled to the performance of your promise, to be permitted to leave this innocent house, as one called it, (but
long have my ears been accustomed to such inversions of words), as soon as the day breaks.'
Did my perdition depend upon it, that you cannot, Madam, but upon terms. And I hope you will not terrify
me−−still dreading the accursed knife.
'Nothing less than an attempt upon my honour shall make me desperate. I have no view but to defend my
honour: with such a view only I entered into treaty with your infamous agent below. The resolution you have
seen, I trust, God will give me again, upon the same occasion. But for a less, I wish not for it.−−Only take
notice, women, that I am no wife of this man: basely as he has used me, I am not his wife. He has no authority
over me. If he go away by−and−by, and you act by his authority to detain me, look to it.'
Then, taking one of the lights, she turned from us; and away she went, unmolested.−−Not a soul was able to
molest her.
Mabell saw her, tremblingly, and in a hurry, take the key of her chamber−door out of her pocket, and unlock
it; and, as soon as she entered, heard her double−lock, bar, and bolt it.
By her taking out her key, when she came out of her chamber to us, she no doubt suspected my design: which
was, to have carried her in my arms thither, if she made such force necessary, after I had intimidated her; and
to have been her companion for that night.
She was to have had several bedchamber−women to assist to undress her upon occasion: but from the moment
she entered the dining−room with so much intrepidity, it was absolutely impossible to think of prosecuting my
villanous designs against her.
***
This, this, Belford, was the hand I made of a contrivance from which I expected so much!−−And now I am ten
times worse off than before.
Thou never sawest people in thy life look so like fools upon one another, as the mother, her partners, and I,
did, for a few minutes. And at last, the two devilish nymphs broke out into insulting ridicule upon me; while
the old wretch was concerned for her house, the reputation of her house. I cursed them all together; and,
retiring to my chamber, locked myself in.
And now it is time to set out: all I have gained, detection, disgrace, fresh guilt by repeated perjuries, and to be
despised by her I doat upon; and, what is still worse to a proud heart, by myself.
Success, success in projects, is every thing. What an admirable contriver did I think myself till now! Even for
this scheme among the rest! But how pitifully foolish does it now appear to me!−−Scratch out, erase, never to
be read, every part of my preceding letters, where I have boastingly mentioned it. And never presume to rally