Holiday Shopping Gift Guide Sex License? City Closes Sex Club 2005

fantasy feasts
Unconventional Holiday Treats
Grinch Nipples
Ingredients 1 cup soft butter, soften it anyway you want
1/2 cup sugar, 1 eggs, of the chicken variety, 1 tsp. vanilla extract,
1/2 tsp. green food coloring.
3 cups sifted flour, 1/2 tsp. backing power, 1 bag chocolate
kisses
Directions In a large bowl mix together all the wet ingredients.
slowly mix inthe sifted flour and baking powder. Chill mixed
dough in fridge for 30 minutes. Roll out dough to about 1/8 inch
on floured board using rolling pin ( any large heavy cilindrical
object you might have) Using the rimm of a glass cut dough
into circles. Place circles on greased cookie sheet (reased not
lubed) Place a chocolate kiss in center of each circle ( keep the
kisses in the middel no one like cockeyed nipples) Bake your
nips at 425 for 5 to 7 minutes. Let them cool and get ready to
watch your friend nibble your nipples all night long.
Toasty Elf Balls
Ingedients 14 oz. bag of coconut,
1 can sweetened condensed milk,
1 egg, 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
Directions Mix all ingedients to a nice sticky mess. Form into
1 inch balls anddrop anto greased cookie sheet ( the size of your
balls will determine baking time so dont be greedy or they will
take all night to cook) Bake at 375 till they look nice and toasty.
Once they are cooled you can enjoy the heart warming sensation
of watching your friends gobble your balls. Just a little side note,
If you want elf balls of a more ethnicvariety you can add 3 tsp of cocoa
powder to the mix.
Santa-Man-Tini
Ingedients 3 oz. Vodka ( use the cheep stuff your friend will
never know), 1 oz. grenadine, 1 oz. peppermint schnapps Directions
Shake it all up and pout into a martini glass rimmed with
sugar. A few of these will give you the excuse you were looking
for to act like a holday Ho Ho Ho!
holiday quotes
Somehow the pre-dinner conversation between my husband and father turned to military medical exams. My husband, who went
to military school as a child, said,”They used to tell us to open your book (spread your cheeks).”
I commented to my mother that I should break out the drill seargent gear when I get home and she was aghast, “That sounds like S
and M!?” she exclaimed.
“So what, “ I countered. “you cant tell me that you never played around.”
Mom went white, “You heard the WAX?” she asked.
I was a bit stunned, but playing along, I said,”You know we could hear everything through the heat vents of our old house.”
Later my red faced mom exclaimed, “Your father swore nobody could hear.”
It was then that I realized that she had actually said “WHACKS”.
Ya learn something new every day.
My brother hosted a recent holiday meal with our whole
family. Near the dining room table, there is a fishtank with
two albino frogs in it and during our meal, the
frogs suddenly got really active. My partner
noticed that they were mating, which embarrased
my (ex-minister) dad, who was even more embarrassed
when my sister in law pionted out that both
18
frogs were male. However, the kids were entertained
in a “eeeew,” wrinkled -nose kinda way.
HAPPY CHANUKAH!
Dildo Dildo Dildo, I made it out of clay,
and when its hard and ready, with dildo I will play.
I’ll get it nice and lubed up, and then I’ll stick it in
It may not be quite Kosher, but I’m sure it’s not a sin.
Dildo Dildo Dildo, I made it out of clay
Dildo Dildo Dildo AAAAAAHHHHH Happy Holiday!
~Jesse Berryman