N E W YQR] DIVISION - O'Ryan's Roughnecks

12 GAS ATTACK
HOW TO BE A PARLOR
Rules Laid Down for Social
By One Who
Succeeded.
SNAKE.
Successes
When we are seized with that reckless
mood, and long for the gay life of the city,
and finally we are gripped by this longing
so hard that we get a pass from, our good
C. O. and hie us to Spartanburg with all of
its wickedness and glamour. When we
breeze up and down the main thoroughfare
for a few round-trips and salute all of the
officers in the 27th Division, and between
salutes meet several fellow buck-privates
with prepossessing girls upon their arms,
When we recollect what a devil we used to
be with the flappers of our good old native
town, it is only natural that we return to
camp wondering how in the name of all that
is gay, and reckless, they manage to do it.
We broke into society the other day, and
broke back out almost immediately. That
others may profit by our mistakes we have
compiled the following rules, the pursuance
of which will enable a rank beginner to become
a parlor snake and a lounge lizard at
once.
1. Pick out a likely looking church and sit
well toward the front so that everyone will
be sure to notice you. Join in the hymns so
loudly that everyone in the congregation
will wonder why you arn't in the choir. On
your way out elbow and crowd everybody.
They will think it must be fine to be so big
and healthy.
2. When the deacon with pretty daughter
invites you home to dinner, don't accept
until you see whether anybody else asks
you. When you do accept, give them the
impression that you are willing to give up
your good meal at camp to bring a little
joy into their uneventful lives.
3. When you climb into your host's flivver,
be sure to tell them about the big eight
cylinder car you don't own back in New
York State.
4. When you arrive at their home toss the
old service hat into a corner and open the
conversation by some such remark as "This
is a pretty swell shack" or "Well, when will
dinner be ready?" Something that will at
once put your hosts at ease and show them
that you are capable of directing animated
conversation.
5. When dinner is announced make a dash
for the table. They will know by this that
you are hungry and will feed you accordingly.
Use the knife freely during the meal
and take pains to eat the soup loudly and
distinctly as becomes a man of breeding.
Don't bother to have things passed to you—
grab for them. People are crazy over this
cave-man stuff.
6. Manage to do most of the talking. Give
them the impression that your father owns
the Woolworth building; and that your family
live in a palatial mansion on Fifth
avenue. They'll never guess that your former
experience in life consisted in knocking
apples and picking clover in Afton, N. Y.
A
No. 1.
Doughb oy's Notes
On Saluting.
Recently I happened along back of the
107th Infantry where near the
dummy figures of the Huns Sergeant Major
Tector of the British Army was instructing
a group of men in the use of the bayonet.
He was explaining some thrust point or
other and his whole body was actively engaged
in the exertion of the movement when
suddenly an English Major appeared from
out of the group to speak to him, and I saw
the Sergeant Major come to attention and
salute.
Until I saw the Sergeant
Major salute, I
really thought I was fairly slick at it myself,
but since then I am diligently taking a
post graduate course.
His salute was a real inspiration. It
seemed to raise him instantly still higher in
my estimation of him as a fine alert trained
soldier.
A trained soldier must have a sound trained
body and a quick working brain. He
must be in perfect control of himself at all
times, and be alert. The Sergeant Major's
salute seemed to advertise for him that he
possessed these requisites.
The Major had appeared before him
quickly, but just as quickly there was a
click of heels, his arms dropped to his side
and he was all attention. Not a muscle
quivered, his head was erect and his eyes
were focused directly on the Major as his
right hand came up briskly in a proper hand
salute.
ef­
He
And yet, I am sure, the salute was no
fort on the part of the Sergeant Major.
really meant it and that right in itself is
the root of all success.
7. To the soldier who can tell the largest
and ornamental lie about himself, the Gas
Attack will donate a thirty-four piece brass
band for advertising purposes.
8. Be sure to explain to your entertainers
just why you aren't an officer. Knowing
you, they naturally wonder why a man
of your parts remains a mere private. With
a little ingenuity this may offer you an opportunity
to bring down the brass band.
9. When you have stayed so late that
you're sure they aren't going to ask you to
stay for supper, look at your Ingersoll wrist
watch and exclaim, "Gosh, it's only six
o'clock, but I've got to call on a lot of girls
tonight, so I'd better start out."
It is our opinion that these rules embody
the secret of real social success. Our mail
has been clogged or crowded, or whatever
the mail gets, with questions on etiquette
and we have used great care to give our
opinions on these matters which require
such thoughtful attention.
E. F. L.
Some
of us seem to take it a salute is a
salute and that ends it, but just the same,
there is a vast difference.
If a man extends his hand and grasps your
hand in a
firm, hearty hand-shake, you know
he means it, and if you salute in an absolutely
proper and snappy manner, Ave know
you mean business, that you are a trained
soldier, and that you want your salute to
prove it. And don't forget the salute does.
One man recently was back in New York
City on a furlough, and after saluting was
on five separate occasions, stopped by officers
and complimented on his salute.
That man in camp is a fine soldier, and the
ear marks of his efficiency stood right out In
his saluting.
They say on the other side they judge the
degree of discipline among a whole division
by the way it renders salutations.
I really agree with a little proverb of a
friend of mine that "When a thing is very
easy it is a bit hard." There certainly is
nothing very difficult about attaining an absolutely
correct and snappy salute and yet
there are many of us who deviate a bit from
the correct way. It is so easy to open the
fingers, bend the wrist extend the elbow out
too far, etc., etc., that a good many of us,
I fear, have fallen into incorrect habits. So
why not a little more practice?
A famous coach of a college rowing crew
a few years back, simply couldn't seem to
get the men to rectify their faults as well
as they should. Then he thought of having
the men see their own faults with their own
eyes and so he had a long mirror placed full
length next to the rowing machines. The
crew then watched themselves work, and
after a week the crew had improved a hundred
per cent.
I wonder if equally as good results could
not be obtained in saluting with this same
method. A large mirror could be installed
in each regimental camp and once a week
for a spell have each company spend an
hour or so getting acquainted with their own
salutes. Let Private Jones salute Private
Jones! He may be surprised to find many
faults with his salute and Private Jones if
he is a good man will salute Private Jones
next time in better style.
And if you note it is always the boy
who
says "Pooh, Pooh!" to such ideas that calls
his division a bunch of boy scouts, and somehow
always manages to stay a buck private
in the rear rank.
Luckily this individual is vastly in the
minority and it is the general efficiency of
the majority which carries him along.
It is the boy who has the blood of a real
live soldier throbbing in his veins and shows
it even in such a simple performance as
saluting, I hope to go over the top with.