DAILY TELEGRAPH, ENGLAND ENMAX CENTRE MONDAY, AUGUST 13 TH MammaMiaNorthAmerica.com Follow us on facebook.com/MammaMiaNorthAmerica • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• 0 LETHBRIDGE JOURNAL • WEEK OF MAY 11, 2012 • www.lethbridgejournal.ca
Stay a while, and listen! We need a nuclear badger Toronto-based think-tank ‘Professor Xavier’s Institute for the Mentally Interesting’ has published a new report calling for the replacement of Tasers with a “more lethal non-lethal weapon, or weaponized animal.” <strong>The</strong> lead author of the report, Admiral Heinz Ketchup, explained the Institute’s findings: “From 2001-2012, Tasers were only responsible for a few hundred deaths in the United States and most of them just hit their head on the way down. In the same period, guns successfully killed tens of thousand of otherwise completely healthy people! We feel the military-industrial complex could be doing a much more effective job of non-lethally killing naked people at the airport.” <strong>The</strong> report suggests, among other weapons, a “crossbow tipped with poison from Amazonian Dart Frogs” and “some sort of microwave gun that would make the target soil themselves.” Birds of a feather. . . are poor together? Financial consultants have issued warnings to their clients that the Canadian Bird Housing bubble is at risk of collapse. “As Canadian birds accrue more and more personal debt, we find it hard to recommend taking out a mortgage or loan on your birdhouse,” says the warning from accounting firm Sylvester and Tweety. “Birds are migratory animals with almost no equity. Unlike squirrels or chipmunks, they very rarely have anything saved for the harsh winter months, which makes long-term planning difficult. . . and they often make chickenfeed compared to other animals in similar jobs.” Experts believe that while the economy is currently taking a birdbath, a recovery is inevitable as long as everyone keeps saying it. bin Laden loved his television <strong>The</strong> United States government has released a series of letters recovered from Osama bin Laden’s stronghold, many of which express dismay at the state of the world. “Can you believe who got voted off the X Factor last night?” reads one, “A jihad upon Simon Cowell!” Another letter expresses dismay and self-doubt. “I just feel like I blew my big chance, you know? We really had something going, but I just wasn’t a strong enough leader to keep the momentum. It’s so frustrating! Plus, Akbar also brought me the last episode of LOST yesterday, and I was so disappointed I cried.” James Submitted to the <strong>Lethbridge</strong> <strong>Journal</strong> WESTERN CANADA’S Dealer for Customer Satisfaction 2010 KIA SEDONA EX FullyLoaded,7passengervan,powerslidingdoors, powerrearhatch,DVDentertainmentsystem,only 11,000kms,factorywarrantyuntil2016,STK#K10148 WAS$29,995 NOW $ 24,995 2008 KIA SPORTAGE V6AWD,fullyloaded,4x4,only33,916kmswith KiaFactoryWarrantyuntil2014.Stk#K12109A WAS$19,995 NOW $ 16,995 2009 KIA RONDO EX One owner local vehicle, auto, air, cruise, power windows & locks, heated seats. Stk#K12099A WAS $17,995 NOW $ 16,998 2009 KIA SPECTRA Excellentfueleconomycar,fullyloaded,air,power windows& locks,cruiseStk#P470 WAS$14,998 NOW $ 10,995 2008 DODGE RAM QUAD CAB SLT 4X4 AWD with 5.7 Hemi, fully loaded with Satellite Radio, step bars and push bars, STK#K12070B WAS $23,998 NOW $ 18,998 2009 DODGE GRAND CARAVAN SE Fully loaded, 7 passenger, DVD entertainment package, navigation, MP3, STK# K11081B WAS $19,987 NOW $ 14,987 2004 DODGE RAM SLT 4X4 Quadcab,V8,withtowpackage&stepbars,localtrade. Stk#K12090B WAS $12,995 NOW $ 9,995 2010 KIA SOUL 1.6L Manual transmission, air, power windows, power locks, factory warranty until 2014. Stk#K12132A NOW $ 15,998 2001 3rd Avenue South, <strong>Lethbridge</strong>, AB 403-331-3130 www.johnsonkia.ca • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • LETHBRIDGE JOURNAL • WEEK OF MAY 11, 2012 • www.lethbridgejournal.ca 21 41069046
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