Summer 2012 Newsletter - LaGuardia Community College - CUNY

The boy scouts taught me how to be an individual, in the Army I was developed into a leader,
and I learned how to be a team player from my rugby coach. Unfortunately no one prepared me
for the most challenging and life changing role I am faced with. When it was announced that I
was going to be a parent, a mixture of emotions swept over me. Although the thoughts of having
a "daddy's little girl" or "that’s my boy" moments were so exciting, I struggled with the idea of
raising a child at that current stage in my life; I was practically still raising myself.
Tu Vakarau ena Vei Gauna “Always Prepared” ― Motto of the Fiji Boy Scouts Association
I didn't have the typical 9 to 5 job or was anywhere remotely close to living an American dream.
I was a 25 year old part time soldier who travelled a lot for either training or real world missions.
On the civilian side I worked in the private sector of the security industry as a tactical
firearm instructor, which consisted of its own time consuming agenda. Obviously this was going
to call for some serious time management skills once a child was added to my life's equation, it
became apparent that some serious decision making was going to have to take place. As the
months began to add up pulling the due date closer, like a chain reaction my anxiety levels increased,
pushing me closer to that red panic button. My short and long-term goals, even my routine
day dreams didn't seem practical anymore when I factored in a child; my views on nearly
everything I did or planned to do instantly change. Going forward I would have to consider my
family and how it will impact their lives. Unfortunately because my experiences and skill sets
were very specific, many options of having an alternative lifestyle were not available to me. So
the decision was made to remain in uniform a bit longer, until I figured out a winning game plan. I
was not prepared for this new chapter in my life.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the
one most responsive to change.” ― Charles Darwin an English Naturalist (1809 -
1882)
Many people will state that they have experienced change in their lives, one way or another due
to a defining moment. I simply like to view change in one’s life as a form of evolutionary adaptedness.
The term "evolutionary adaptedness" was coined by John Bowlby (26 February 1907 – 2
September 1990) a British psychologist, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst as part of attachment
theory to human evolution. It refers to the environment to which a particular evolved mechanism
is adapted. Adaptation is the evolutionary process whereby an organism becomes better
able to live in its habitat or habitats. Throughout my entire life as far back as I can remember, I
have been adapting to ever changing environments and circumstances. Starting with growing up
as a child deprived of motherly love and a positive father figure. Than from a teen that surfed
and played rugby for my high school into an adult that represented a country on various expeditionary
missions. These life experiences were strong influences that molded and evolved me into
the person that I am now. Evolutionary adaptation continues to be an ongoing process, which
suggests constant psychological adjustment on my part.
In May of 2000, I became a father of a beautiful little girl named Jadzia (jahd ze ah). Unfortunately
this joyful occasion was quickly followed up with a traumatic turn of events. I received orders to
attend six weeks of training in Key West, Florida and then deploy directly to South of Sudan in
Africa for a six month Foreign Internal Defense Operation. I heard about these types of missions
by senior members so I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in Central Park.
The early years of my daughter's life weren't filled with witnessing her first steps or hearing her
first word. Due to my constant deployments quality time with my daughter consisted of photos,
along with the occasional phone conversation when the opportunity presented itself. It was very
difficult to spend so much time away from her. When home I made every effort to spend the
much needed quality time with her. I wanted to be everything I felt a parent should be. Growing
up I never knew my dad or anyone from his side of the family; all my life I was plague with the
"what if" syndrome. What if he would have stuck around? What if this and what if that? To add
to the growing pains of my childhood, my mother never stuck around much. She had her own
agenda which didn't include being there for my sister and I. Thankfully my grandmother and uncles
were willing to contribute to raising of my younger sister and me. Being in the situation that
I have been since a child, enduring challenges on a daily basis, has molded me into a person that
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