About Boys - The Southport School

challenge what we know to be outmoded
views of what it means to
be male served up to our boys by profit
driven media.
We must protect and nurture the emotional
lives of our boys, to help them to feel
comfortable with whom they really are and to
get out from behind the mask of masculinity.
Pollack suggests there are some starting points
for teachers and parents to get behind the
mask of masculinity and to find out who our
boys really are;
> Become aware that the behaviours that we
sometimes observe in our boys, the bravado, the
acting out, uncharacteristic violence or withdrawal
and sullen silence, may in fact be masking feeling
and emotions that the boy does not have the
vocabulary to explain. Counsellors know that the
most common answer they get from a boy in trouble,
initially, is that ‘everything's fine... there's nothing
to talk about’
> We are unlikely to have a boy tell us how he is
feeling if we come to the discussion from a punishment
or correction stance. More successful is a problem
solving approach starting from a point of view that
‘things do not seem to be working out too well. How
could things be different or better?’
> Boys need time to let us know how they feel about
things; we should attempt to become familiar with each
boy's unique timing for disclosing his feelings.
> ‘Connection through action’. Pollack argues that many boys
are more likely to ‘open up’ while engaged in some sort of
activity. Hence this connection, for which many boys long, to
their parents, coaches, teachers, friends and families will occur
naturally when engaged in some form of activity. The message is
clear that we must be involved in our boys' lives and they in ours.
The dialogue that comes from this involvement must be free, open
and accepting of the full range of emotional experiences.