divine-mercy-in-my-soul

172 The father 58 who preached the retreat came from America. He had come to Poland for
only a short time, and it so happened that he conducted our retreat. A deep interior life
was reflected from his person. His bearing testified to the greatness of his spirit.
Mortification and recollection characterized this priest. But despite these great virtues, I
experienced much difficulty in revealing my soul to him in regard to graces received; as
for sins, it is always easy to do so, but in respect to graces I really have to make a great
effort, and even then I do not tell everything.
173 Satan‟s temptations during meditation. I felt a strange fear that the priest would not
understand me, or that he would have no time to hear everything I would have to say.
How am I going to tell him all this? If it were Father Bukowski I could do it more easily,
but this Jesuit whom I am seeing for the first time…. Then I remembered Father
Bukowski‟s advice that I should at least take brief notes of the lights sent to me by God
during the retreats and give him at least a brief report on them. My God, for a day and
half all has gone well, and now a life and death struggle is beginning. The conference is
to start in a half hour, and then I am to go to confession.
Satan tried to persuade me into believing that if my superiors have told me that my inner
life is an illusion, why should I ask again (87) and trouble the confessor? Didn‟t M.X.
[probably Mother Jane] tell you that the Lord Jesus does not commune with souls as
miserable as yours? This confessor is going to tell you the same thing. Why speak to
him about all this? These are not sins, and Mother X. told you that all this communing
with the Lord Jesus was daydreaming and pure hysteria. So why tell it to this confessor?
You would do better to dismiss all this as illusions. Look how many humiliations you have
suffered because of them, and how many more are still awaiting you, and all the sisters
know that you are a hysteric. “Jesus!” I called out with all the strength of my soul.
174 At that moment the priest came in and began the conference. He spoke for a short time,
as if he were in a hurry. After the conference, he went over to the confessional. Seeing
that none of the sisters were going there, I sprang from my kneeler, and in an instant was
in the confessional. There was no time to deliberate. Instead of telling the father about
the doubts that had been sown in me in respect to my dealings with the Lord Jesus, I
began to speak about these temptations I have just described above. The confessor
immediately understood my situation and said, “Sister, you distrust the Lord Jesus
because He treats you so kindly. Well, Sister, be completely at peace. Jesus is your
Master, and your communing with Him is neither daydreaming nor hysteria nor illusion.
Know that you are on the right path. Please try to be faithful to these graces; you are not
free to shun them. You do not need at all, Sister, to tell your superiors about these
interior graces, unless the Lord Jesus instructs you clearly to do so, and even then you
should first consult with your confessor. But if the Lord Jesus demands something
external, in this case, after consulting your confessor, you should carry out what He asks
of you, even if this costs you greatly. On the other hand, you must tell your confessor
everything. There is absolutely no other course for you to take, Sister. Pray that (88) you
may find a spiritual director, or else you will waste these great gifts of God. I repeat once
again, be at peace; you are following the right path. Take no heed of anything else, but
always be faithful to the Lord Jesus, no matter what anyone says about you. It is with just
such miserable souls that the Lord Jesus communes in this intimate way. And the more
you humble yourself, the more the Lord Jesus will unite Himself with you.”
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