divine-mercy-in-my-soul

lasted only one day. It seemed as though hell had conspired against me. A terrible
hatred began to break out in my soul, a hatred for all that is holy and divine. It seemed to
me that these spiritual torments would be my lot for the rest of my life. I turned to the
Blessed Sacrament and said to Jesus, “Jesus, my Spouse, do You not see that my soul is
dying because of its longing for You? How can You hide Yourself from a heart that loves
You so sincerely? Forgive me, Jesus; may Your holy will be done in me. I will suffer
silently like a dove, without complaining. I will not allow my heart even one single cry of
sorrowful complaint.”
26 End of the novitiate. The suffering does not diminish. Physical weakness dispenses
me from all [community] spiritual exercises; that is to say, they are replaced by brief
ejaculatory prayers. Good Friday [April 16, 1928] – Jesus catches up my heart into the
very flame of His love. This was during the evening adoration. All of a sudden, the Divine
Presence invaded me, and I forgot everything else. Jesus gave me to understand how
much He had suffered (11) for me. This lasted a very short time. An intense yearning – a
longing to love God.
27 First vows [First profession of temporary vows, April 30, 1928]. An ardent desire to empty
myself for God by an active love, but a love that would be imperceptible, even to the
sisters closest to me.
However, even after the vows, darkness continued to reign in my soul for almost a half
year. Once, when I was praying, Jesus pervaded all my soul, darkness melted away, and
I heard these words within me: You are My joy; you are My heart‟s delight. From that
moment I felt the Most Holy Trinity in my heart; that is to say, within myself. I felt that I
was inundated with Divine light. Since then, my soul has been in intimate communion
with God, like a child with its beloved Father.
28 Once Jesus told me, Go to Mother Superior [probably Mother Raphael 18 ] and ask her
to let you wear a hair shirt for seven days, and once each night you are to get up
and come to the chapel. I said yes, but I found a certain difficulty in actually going to the
Superior. In the evening Jesus asked me, How long will you put it off? I made up my
mind to tell Mother Superior the very next time I would see her.
The next day before noon I saw Mother Superior going to the refectory and, since the
kitchen, refectory and Sister Aloysia‟s little room are all close to each other, I asked
Mother Superior to come into Sister Aloysia‟s room and told her of the wish of the Lord
Jesus. At that, Mother answered, “I will not permit you to wear any hair shirt. Absolutely
not! If the Lord Jesus were to give you the strength of a colossus, I would then permit
those mortifications.”
I apologized for taking up Mother‟s time and left the room. At that very moment I saw
Jesus standing at the kitchen door, and I said to Him, “You commanded me to ask for
these mortifications, but Mother Superior will not permit them.” Jesus said, I was here
during your conversation with the Superior and know everything. I don‟t demand
mortification from you, but obedience. By obedience you give great glory to Me
and gain merit for yourself.
29 One of the Mothers [probably Mother Jane], when she learned about my close
relationship with the Lord Jesus, told me that I must be deluding myself. She told me that
31