VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY

Friday, 17 November 2006
Volume 59, Number 11
www.lawweekly.org
INSIDE
Profile of Senator Ted Kennedy...................................................... 2
Mike Stark: The Definitive Response.............................................. 3
Jerry Parker Bids Away His Dignity................................................ 5
PILA Pictorial/Mel the 3L/Faculty Quotes...................................... 8
Scott Dorfman ’07
Executive Editor
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY
PILA Auction
Raises $40,000
Over 800 UVA Law students,
professors and guests attended
the Public Interest Law Association’s
auction and dance last
Saturday night from 8:00 p.m.
to 1:00 a.m. at the Omni hotel in
downtown Charlottesville. With
the night’s theme being “Vegas,”
students turned out in their most
extravagant suits and cocktail
dresses and bid on hundreds of
items to raise money for PILA’s
student summer fellowships.
According to PILA auction organizers,
over $40,000 was raised
after bidding closed at 12:45 a.m.
Smaller items up for bid included
a haircut from the Hair Cuttery,
two admissions for the introductory
exotic fitness pole dance
program at Shergold Studio, and
two tours of Monticello.
More expensive items up for bid
included two D-22 parking spots,
a two-night stay at the Bellagio
Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, and
one week’s stay at a seven bedroom
Outer Banks beach house
during grad week. Third-year
student Ajeet Pai made the bid of
the night, spending $3,000 for a
graduation night dinner for six
third-year students and guests
at Professor Anne Coughlin’s
house.
Professors Thomas Nachbar
and Daniel Nagin made a formidable
one-two auctioneer punch
during the live auction, keeping
the bids moving quickly and interspersing
humor throughout
the night. D.J. Andy George and
the Omni’s three cash bars kept
auction attendees entertained
until the final hour.
By all accounts, PILA’s 18th
► PILA page 2
Law Weekly Staff
Wednesday, students of UVA Law
participated in a diversity initiative
by wearing T-shirts displaying the
initiative’s “Safe Space” symbol. The
The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948
Role of White House Counsel Examined
Samson Habte ’09
Staff Writer
T-shirt drive was the final step of the
initiative, which began with students’
signing a pledge to support diversity
in the Law School. More than 400
students signed the pledge, and it
appeared that almost as many wore
their T-shirts on Wednesday.
“It’s been very exciting to walk
around the halls today and see so
many people wearing these shirts,”
said third-year Erin Williamson,
one of the student-organizers of the
event.
The pledge was a student-driven
initiative. Some of those instrumental
were Frank Thorn, who developed
the original idea and designed the
shirt; Kate Woodrow, who designed
the advertisements; Justin Zelikovitz
and Aaron Coombs, who developed
the text of the pledge; Rob Glass,
who dealt with the financial details;
and numerous Lambda Law Alliance
members who helped provide the
personnel needed to make the event
a success.
Sponsoring the initiative were Weil,
Gotshal, and Manges; Arnold & Porter;
Latham & Watkins; Cadwalader,
Wickersham & Taft; Schiff Hardin;
As Deputy White House Counsel
during President Bush’s first term, David
G. Leitch was given the least enviable
task during deliberations over
appointments to the federal bench.
While interviewing prospective
nominees late in the process, Leitch
had to “clear the room” and commence
the “sex-drugs-and-rock-androll
discussion.”
The minor indignity of being forced
to divulge youthful (or not so youthful)
indiscretions is something all aspiring
federal judges must undergo,
according to an assortment of distinguished
lawyers who gathered at the
Law School last week to talk about the
job of White House Counsel.
The Lloyd N. Cutler Conference
on White House Counsel, a two-day
event hosted by the Law School and
the Miller Center of Public Affairs last
Friday and Saturday, featured a venerable
array of White House lawyers
from all but two presidential administrations
since 1960.
Rifling through FBI files was a persistent
recollection for several lawyers
on a panel discussing judicial selection
that was moderated by Dean Jeffries.
“I frequently found, in the material
supplied, cases in which people had
done things that were not right,” said
Peter J. Walliston, a counsel in the
Reagan White House.
Vetting potential judges is, of
course, just one of the weighty duties
of the office, and some of the other
challenges addressed by panelists
were unique to the administrations
they served in.
President Carter’s Deputy White
House Counsel Joseph Onek spoke
about “the Billy Carter affair,” an unpleasant
scandal involving the presidential
brother’s ill-advised lobbying
on behalf of Libyan dictator Muammar
Gaddafi.
Onek’s recollections included a
swipe at former New York Times columnist
William Safire, whose “vicious”
criticism contributed to a press
frenzy that deepened the controversy.
Disappointment with the Fourth
Estate was an issue that seemed to engender
a level of bipartisan solidarity
among the invited guests.
Walliston recalled that the Washington
Post and the New York Times
each ran more than 500 stories in the
► CONFERENCE page 5
Harrison Foresees Constitutional Conflicts
Andrew Christensen ’08
Associate News Editor
In a noon-hour presentation at the
Law School on Monday, UVA Law professor
John Harrison shared his views
on the United States government’s
unique embodiment of the separation
of powers principle, and discussed
some modern-day constitutional law
ramifications that the nation’s founding
fathers were unlikely to have intended
or anticipated.
The event, entitled “The House
Speaker as Acting President, Senator
Lindsey Graham as Military Judge,
and the Constitution's Separation
of Personnel and Power,” was sponsored
by UVA Law’s chapter of the
Federalist Society.
Harrison, a 13-year member of the
Law School faculty and a specialist
in constitutional and administrative
law matters, began his speech with
an overview of the mechanisms in
the federal constitution that work
indirectly to mandate the American
separation of powers regime. He
noted that the federal constitution,
unlike some state constitutions, does
not have a clause explicitly barring
the simultaneous exercise of judicial,
legislative, or executive power by one
entity. Instead, it “produces a system
photo by Samson Habte '09
Former White House counsels share their experiences with students.
of separation of powers through a series
of more concrete rules that must
be added up” to arrive at the conclusion
that each branch of government
is to carry out its exclusive role free of
undue influence or interference from
another branch.
Harrison described Article I, Section
VI of the Constitution as putting
forth the basic rules for separation
of powers. Known as the Incompatibility
Clause, the text is widely construed
to prohibit a sitting member
of Congress from holding any office
under the authority of the executive
or judicial branch.
► HARRISON page 4
Students Show Support for Diversity Initiative
photo by Erin Williamson '07
Students donned "Safe Space" T-shirts on Wednesday to show
support for tolerance.
and Dewey Ballantine; as well as
NGSL and the SBA. Dean Ballenger
was also integral to coordinating the
initiative.
Those involved in organizing the
drive are already planning a similar
event for next year, possibly in conjunction
with student groups on main
campus.
“We hope that we have started a
UVA tradition that can continue for
years to come,” said third-year Robin
Cook, who also helped to organize
the pledge drive. “None of that would
have happened without the support
of the community, and for that, we
are grateful.”
“Obviously we wish that the events
that prompted this campaign never
happened,” said Cook. “But seeing
how the school has supported tolerance
in the context of these events is
incredible. In many ways, I’ve never
been prouder to go to UVA Law.”
around north
grounds
night.
Congratulations to
third-year Melanie
Wilson on her engagement
to Ankur
Rughani Saturday
Congratulations to
first-year Michael
Seeligson on his promotion
to Associate
Production Editor of
the Law Weekly.
Thumbs down to the
couple that consistently
makes out and
gets all touchy-feely
in the library. ANG would
rather study than watch those
soft-core moves.
Thumbs up to a certain
professor who
sent a suspiciouslytimed,
incoherent
email to his class. ANG would
salute you here, but will probably
just see you at bar review
this week.
Thumbs down to
Libel Show writing
groups that break up.
It’s not a relationship,
it’s humor, although probably
for some of you, your relationships
are jokes, too.
PILA Wrap Up:
Thumbs down to
whoever didn’t ensure
that there were
enough bartenders,
causing ridiculously long
lines for overpriced drinks.
But thumbs up to the law students
who were resourceful
enough to find the “hidden”
hotel bar. Like a horse that can
always find its way home, you
all found a place to drink with
ease.
Big thumbs down to
the Omni for confiscating
a student’s
flask. See above for
why students brought flasks.
Then give them back!
Thumbs up to the
third-year who got
fed up with the ridiculously
long cab
lines after PILA and bought a
room at the hotel. ANG is not
quite sure how you had any
money left after Professors
Nachbar and Nagin finished
shaking down the crowd like
made men would have done.
Trains on time: Professors
Bonnie and
Smith have been
keeping their firstyear
Criminal Law classes late.

2 Features
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY
Friday, 17 November 2006
Edward Kennedy '59: Liberal Lion
Alec Zadek ’08
Staff Writer
Scott Dorfman
Executive Editor
Toby Mergler
Columns Editor
Ulrick Casseus
Reviews Editor
Virginia
Law Weekly
COLOPHON
John Kabealo
Editor-in-Chief
Drew Snyder
Managing Editor
Chris Tucker
News Editor
Josephine Liu
Production Editor
Tim McCarten
Features Editor
Anna Nisbet
Photography Editor
Andrew McCarthy
Stephanie Weitzner
Treasurer
Business Editor
John Sheehan
Web Editor
Andrew Christensen
Associate News Editor
Lauren Rogoff
Associate Photography Editor
Contributors:
Columnists:
Reviewers:
Michael Seeligson
Associate Production Editor
Stephanie Weitzner
Associate Columns Editor
Samson Habte, Alec Zadek
Dan Balserak, Beth Cooper, Samson Habte,
Jerry Parker, Grace Su
Marc Centor, Jeff Miller, Craig Smith
Published weekly on Friday except during holiday and examination periods and serving the
Law School community at the University of Virginia, the Virginia Law Weekly (ISSN 0042-661X) is not
an official publication of the University and does not necessarily express the views of the University.
Any article appearing herein may be reproduced provided that credit is given to both the Virginia Law
Weekly and the author of the article. Advanced written permission of the Virginia Law Weekly is also
required for reproduction of any cartoon or illustration.
Virginia Law Weekly
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Phone: 434.924.3070
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EDITORIAL POLICY: The Virginia Law Weekly publishes letters and columns of interest to the Law
School and the legal community at large. Views expressed in such submissions are those of the author(s)
and not necessarily those of the Law Weekly or the Editorial Board. Letters from organizations must bear
the name, signature, and title of the person authorizing the submission. All letters and columns must
either be submitted in hardcopy bearing a handwritten signature along with an electronic version, or
be mailed from the author’s e-mail account. Submissions must be received by 5 p.m. the Monday before
publication and must be in accordance with the submission guidelines. Letters over 500 words and columns
over 700 words may not be accepted. The Editorial Board reserves the right to edit all submissions
for length, grammar, and clarity. Although every effort is made to publish all materials meeting our
guidelines, we regret that not all submissions received can be published.
In 1956, Edward Kennedy
enrolled in the University of
Virginia School of Law. At the
age of 24, Kennedy had already
served two years in the army
and graduated with an undergraduate
degree from Harvard
College. While at Harvard, Kennedy
was recruited by the Green
Bay Packers. He famously declined
the offer, saying he was
flattered, but that he had plans
to attend law school and to “go
into another contact sport, politics.”
Although Kennedy did not
have the opportunity to write
for the Virginia Journal of International
Law, which was established
in 1963, he was President
of the Student Legal Forum and
winner of the Lile Moot Court
Competition.
During his years of study at
the Law School, Kennedy enjoyed
having a brief description
and picture in the second annual
Barrister, where his last name
was misspelled (it was later corrected
in the ’59 edition), and
was a second-year student when
the first African-American law
student graduated from the University
of Virginia School of Law
(John F. Merchant ’58).
Rather than hear the clank of
aluminum softball bats as students
exited the Law School,
Kennedy was most likely greeted
by the soft thuds of touch
football, which was the predominant
Law School sport at the
time. As a prospect for the Green
Bay Packers, Kennedy was most
likely a highly recruited player
for these games.
Kennedy passed the bar in
Massachusetts after graduation
and was appointed assistant district
attorney for Suffolk County,
Mass. Three years after graduation
he won a special election
for the U.S. Senate, winning the
seat that his older brother, John
Kennedy, vacated in his successful
bid for the presidency.
In his first two years, Sen. Kennedy
became the Senate majority
whip, becoming the secondranking
member of the majority
political party in the Senate. After
serving the remaining two
years of Sen. John Kennedy’s
term, Sen. Edward Kennedy
was re-elected and has retained
his seat ever since. For a period
of time in the 1970s Sen. Kennedy
received pressure from the
Democratic Party to run for the
presidency, and finally entered
the race in 1980 in opposition
to incumbent Democratic President
Jimmy Carter.
Although it’s highly unusual
for a sitting president to face a
challenge from another member
of his party, Kennedy enjoyed
some early success against
President Carter. Kennedy’s
campaign faltered before long,
however, winning only 10 state
primaries. At the Democratic
National Convention in 1980,
Kennedy delivered the oft-quoted
line: “For me, a few hours
ago, this campaign came to an
end. For all those whose cares
have been our concern, the work
goes on, the cause endures, the
hope still lives, and the dream
shall never die.”
After withdrawing his bid for
the presidency, Sen. Kennedy
continued his illustrious career
in the Senate.
As Senator for the Commonwealth
of Massachusetts, Senator
Kennedy is the second-most
senior member of the Senate,
and one the most respected
Democrats in the country. Sen.
Kennedy has been outspoken
in his support for civil rights,
education reform, immigration
reform, minimum wage, heath
care reform, and many other issues.
Sen. Kennedy has devoted his
career to representing his constituents
and political party; he
is one of very few senators to
publicly support same-sex marriages,
which are sanctioned by
the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
Although Senator Kennedy
often receives harsh criticism
from Republican pundits for
his outspoken opposition to the
war in Iraq and Republican policies,
he has developed a strong
foundation of voter support in
Senator Edward M. Kennedy graduated
from UVA Law in 1959.
photo courtesy of UVA Law Library
Massachusetts and was recently
re-elected for the seventh time.
On November 7, 2006, Kennedy
defeated his Republican challenger
Kenneth Chase by a margin
of 69% to 31%.
In the now Democratic-controlled
Senate, Kennedy will
serve as Chairman of the Committee
on Health, Education, Labor,
and Pensions. Among other
issues to which Senator Kennedy
has committed himself in the
coming 110th Congress, the senior
senator from Massachusetts
will lead the push to raise the
minimum wage from $5.15/hr.
to $7.25/hr. He has also pledged
to reform the U.S. health care
and education systems.
Time magazine recently named
Kennedy one of “America’s 10
Best Senators,” noting that he
had “amassed a titanic record of
legislation affecting the lives of
virtually every man, woman and
child in the country.”
A Thank You to the Law School Community
On June 18 of this year, Mary Reaves of the Law School staff lost her son. Many in the
Law School community learned of the tragic incident and showed support for Mary and her
family, including a first-year who sent flowers. Mary asked that the following message be
delivered to the Law School community:
We shall always remember
With deep gratitude
Your comforting expression of sympathy
—The Reaves Family

Friday, 17 November 2006
Letter to the Editor: Stark Speaks Out
Until now, the definitive narrative
of my interaction with the Allen
campaign has not been written.
Because I respect this law school,
my fellow students, the faculty and
alumni, I decided to grant first publication
rights to the Virginia Law
Weekly.
First, you should be aware of the
undisputed factual background I
was working with:
1. Senator Allen posed for pictures
with white supremacists.
2. He kept a Confederate flag and
a noose in his office.
3. He opposed an official holiday
to celebrate Martin Luther King’s
birthday, but signed into law a celebration
of the Confederacy, and in
so doing, angered many black leaders
because of his pointed refusal to
speak of slavery while commemorating
the holiday.
4. The Senator called a fellow
UVA Student by the racial slur “macaca.”
I pondered all of the above and
wondered if the Senator used any
other slurs. I was especially curious
with regards to one particular slur
because it has such relevance to the
history of this country.
Unfortunately, what I thought
to be a sensible question was never
asked by anyone in the press, or if it
was, it wasn’t reported. I learned the
Senator would be in Staunton on
August 29 and decided I’d ask him
personally.
I listened politely to the Senator’s
speech and the Q&A session that
followed. Afterward, the Senator
lingered in the room to kibitz with
constituents. I approached the Senator
and in a very respectful way,
asked him if he had ever used the
word “nigger” and why he owned
a Confederate flag and noose. Allen
told me that he never used the
n-word in his life. He avoided the
questions about the noose and the
Confederate flag. (The audio of this
exchange can be heard at my blog,
CallingAllWingnuts, and a video of
the exchange can be found on You-
Tube. In it, you will see the Senator
facing me, with his hands on my
shoulders, engaging in a reasoned
discussion.)
The Senator’s answer left many
people incredulous and, I believe,
set off a flurry of investigations,
most notably by Michael Scherer
at Salon magazine, that resulted in
several people coming forward to
say that George Allen had been a
frequent user of that slur.
After the Staunton event, two issues
relevant to the Senator’s character
surfaced. The first, that he had
► PILA
continued from page 1
Money Raised to
Fund Fellowships
annual auction was another success,
which is a tribute to the
hard work of PILA president
Kelly Voss and event organizers
Dania Davy, Vera Gerrity, Matt
VanWormer, Kira Walmer, and
Amy Woolard.
Students expressed satisfaction
with the night’s events.
“Man oh man, that was some
auction,” said third-year Joseph
Zihal.
The money raised will be used
to help fund fellowships for students
working in public interest
law during the summer of 2007.
In 2006, 59 UVA Law students
received student-funded fellowships.
been twice arrested in Charlottesville,
was ignored by the press. The
second, that there were strong suspicions
that he had abused his first
wife, was similarly ignored.
It was difficult for me to understand
how Allen could tell his constituents
to ignore his arrest record.
This made no sense. I’ve hired for
positions of responsibility. If an applicant
told me that he had an arrest
record but refused to talk about it or
provide documentary evidence . . .
well, I’d be more suspicious, not less.
I’d certainly hire someone else.
I also had difficulty fathoming
how he could make Jim Webb’s
treatment of women in the 1980s
an issue while expecting to escape
scrutiny of his own, similar failures.
Why shouldn’t the Senator be asked
about widely discussed rumors concerning
abuse in his first marriage?
The press certainly had no problem
discussing a blue dress when that
was merely a rumor.
So, on Halloween, I attended the
Allen rally in Charlottesville. Once
again I waited for the conclusion of
his speech. Afterward, while he was
mingling with constituents, I asked,
“Senator Allen, the Democrats have
made this election about accountability.
You can shut them up by
telling us why you were arrested in
the 1970s.” Immediately, his staff
set upon me—pushing and pulling
me in all directions. I continued,
“Senator, is it true that you spit on or
otherwise assaulted your first wife?”
We spilled through a doorway. I was
pushed again. I approached Dan Allen,
the staffer who had just pushed
me, and asked, “Why are you putting
your hands on me? He’s my
senator, I’m his constituent and I’ve
got a right to ask these questions.”
Allen supporters began pushing me
backwards. The Senator walked
away from me, down a hall. At that
time, in order to be sure the Senator
could hear me, I was forced to raise
my voice for the first and only time.
I asked, “Senator, is it true that you
spit on your first wife?”
Unfortunately, that’s the scene
that was broadcast into millions of
homes.
I attended another Allen event
in Staunton the following Saturday
because I believe it’s important to
demonstrate that political intimidation
and violence will not dissuade
patriotic Americans from engaging
in the political process.
By now you probably know that
I was handcuffed and placed in the
back seat of a waiting police car.
Because I am still exploring legal
options, I am unwilling to detail
everything I know, but this much is
certain: I was set up.
You should know that until handcuffed,
I behaved with extraordinary
restraint. For example, at one
point I walked by a man in his seventies.
He shouted, loudly enough
to turn heads, “Hey, young man!
You keep your damned hands off my
wife. If you touch her again…” From
that point forward, I kept my hands
tucked into my armpits.
I’ve written this story because I
think it is important you know what
you have seen on your television
and in your newspapers does not
give an accurate and complete story.
It’s unfortunate that the question I
asked about spousal abuse trumped
the question regarding the Senator’s
undisputed arrest record. I wish our
media provided context by reporting
my history of questioning the Senator
in a respectful manner. Instead,
my questions were most often portrayed
as a rude form of heckling.
Finally, I’d like to address some
statements I’ve read.
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Features & Student Life 3
To those that suggest my issues
aren’t relevant, I ask: under what
regulatory authority are you burdened
with deciding which issues
should be important to me?
Whether my senator is a racist,
spouse abuser and/or criminal is
of absolute vital importance to me.
I wouldn’t trust such a person to
make decisions about Iraq or illegal
immigration or anything else, for
that matter.
Some suggest I could have done
better walking a precinct or manning
a phone bank. I suggest a look
at the election returns. I am certain
that the n-word accusations made a
difference in Northern Virginia, and
I believe the Allen campaign’s Halloween
violence also contributed
to Webb’s margin of victory. Sometimes
we can do more than hang a
lawn sign, and when we can, I believe
we should.
I’m certain some of you find what
I did irresponsible, reprehensible, or
worse. I will not endeavor to change
your mind. Instead, let me leave you
with this: I will forever defend the
right of any citizen of this country
to demand answers from any representative.
I believe campaigns
should be a crucible through which
only the best pass. All candidates
for office should be forced to walk
this gauntlet so that every voice,
supportive and, especially, unsupportive,
can be heard and given due
consideration. The age of elections
being decided by contemptible 30-
second attack ads should be put behind
us at the earliest opportunity.
Many Americans say we are on
the “wrong track.” As remedy, we
should look first not to our politicians,
but to ourselves. We have
rights and duties as citizens. If we
neglect them, we get the government
we deserve.
—————
I have been labeled a “heckler,” a
“protestor,” and a “radical.”
First, the characterization of
me as a “heckler” or “protestor” is
flawed. I’ve never interrupted the
Senator—not while he was making
a speech, or even small talk with
other constituents. I, in every encounter,
waited my turn to ask him
my questions.
I’d also like to address exactly
how “radical” I am. Most of us were
taught civics in grade school. We
were encouraged to write our representatives,
to suggest bills, and to
vote. We were taught that our public
servants were actually employees
that we collectively hire through the
electoral process.
Eventually I learned that life isn’t
exactly as they teach. Today you
aren’t going to meet with your senator
without a $5,000 check in your
hand—unless you catch him in the
six months out of every six years
that he’s asking for your vote. Even
then, if you aren’t a supporter, he
doesn’t want to hear from you.
Let’s think about that for a second,
in a non-partisan way. In the
most gerrymandered districts where
incumbents regularly win with 60%
support, our representatives ignore,
by choice, 4 out of 10 constituents.
Is that the America you want?
I prefer the U.S.A. they told me
about in the fourth grade. I will take
my rightful role as citizen of this
great country. I will participate in
my democracy and I will demand
accountability from my elected officials.
I don’t think that’s very radical at
all.
Mike Stark ’09
Rather than give you vague,
touchy-feely advice on how to conquer
the next several weeks, we
have decided to answer the most
commonly asked questions about
outlining, studying, and exams.
(And yes, there is some touchyfeely
advice in here as well. We
can’t help ourselves.)
Question: Where is the exam
bank?
Answer: Some old exams can be
found in the reference room of the
library (on your left as soon as you
come through the main library
doors), and others are on LawWeb
(after you log in, the “Past Exams”
link is under the “Library” heading).
If you have a new professor,
don’t be afraid to ask for a sample
exam or some sample questions.
Most professors are willing to give
some guidance on exams.
Question: How do I get my
hands on old outlines?
Answer: If your Peer Advisors
haven’t already sent you some
outlines, just ask them and they
will do what they can to get you
one. Those of you with new professors
may have trouble finding
a professor-specific outline. Use
outlines from another professor’s
class with caution, because each
professor structures his/her class
very differently. Also, be sure to
check your professor’s policy on
using outlines that are not your
own. (Some professors only allow
students to use outlines they have
created on their own; others will
allow you to use outlines made by
other students.)
Question: How do I outline?
Answer: There are so many different
ways to do this—you might
want to look over a few different
outlines to get a feel for some of
the more common methods of outlining.
In addition, many students
approach outlining differently,
depending on the type of course.
Sometimes it is helpful just to get
started outlining; as you work
your way through your notes, you
will get a sense of what will work
for that particular class.
Question: How do I get an
“A”?
Answer: We wish we could help
you, but there is not really an answer
to this question. Each professor
looks at different criteria
when assigning grades, and there
is no magic formula. In addition,
each professor has a different
grade distribution; some give a
high percentage of “B+”s, while
others have a more even distribution
along the curve. In the end,
grades are fairly subjective. Our
advice is to not worry too much
about grades during exam time.
Instead, concentrate on learning
the material.
Question: What if I get a bad
grade?
Answer: Ask any 3L and they
will tell you that one grade will
never make or break your Law
School experience. Besides,
grades aren’t even due from professors
until early next semester,
so there is no point in worrying
about them now.
Question: How many hours a
day should I be studying?
Answer: Again, there is no decisive
answer to this question.
You are probably starting to get
sick of us saying that, but if you
don’t believe us, ask another 2L
or 3L. Comparing your study habits
to those of other students will
only drive you nuts. In this sense,
studying for exams is no different
from the rest of the semester: you
should do whatever works for you.
That said, it is very, very important
to take care of yourself during exams.
Exam period is stretched over
two weeks so you just can’t study
all day, everyday for the whole period.
And studying 19 hours a day
and sleeping for five is a straight
path to self-destruction. Do what
you need to do to stay level-headed,
happy and healthy. Try to not
let yourself get overwhelmed by
continuing to get enough sleep,
eat well, exercise regularly, and
spend time with your friends.
Glannon doesn’t count.
Question: What if I have a
substantive question?
Answer: Professors are very
amenable to meeting with students
and answering questions.
We suggest talking to your professor
sooner rather than later because
many professors are more
comfortable giving their answers
while you all are still in class so
they don’t give some students
an advantage on the exam. That
said, quite a few professors have
office hours during Reading or
Exam Period. Another approach
is to talk over questions with
your fellow students. Chances are
someone will have clear notes on
the subject. Study groups can be
especially helpful for going over
sample exams and practicing issue-spotting.
You can also talk to
upperclassmen, especially your
Peer Advisors, your Dillards, or
us. We’ll all be more than happy
to share advice and answer questions
the best we can.
Question: What if I am just
freaking out?
Answer: One of the best things
about UVA Law is that there is
no shortage of resources available.
Sometimes all you need is
a little reassurance; sometimes
you need something more. Either
way, make sure to find someone in
whom you feel comfortable confiding.
Talk to your friends, family,
Peer Advisors or the two of us.
Dean Ballenger is a fantastic resource
and will always keep your
concerns completely confidential.
Finally, the University offers many
counseling and psychological
services through CAPS. You can
see an overview of their services
at http://www.virginia.edu/studenthealth/caps.html.
Counseling
professionals are available for
appointments and for emergency
services. All enrolled students are
entitled to free consultations with
CAPS staff. When appropriate,
the staff at CAPS can refer you to
other resources either on grounds
or in the Charlottesville private
practice community.
Question: Any other advice?
Answer: Try to keep things in
perspective. Law school is important,
but it is not the be-all, end-all
of life. It’s all about balancing, so
definitely remember to make time
over Thanksgiving break to spend
with friends and family. The couple
of extra study hours you could
cram in next Thursday won’t make
any real difference in the long
run, so just forget about exams for
a while and enjoy your well-deserved,
post-turkey nap.

4 Columns & Features
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY
Friday, 17 November 2006
The Democrats were beginning
a long-denied victory lap last week
when Karl Rove, genius that he is,
conspired with Brit
and K-Fed to rob
them of it. The story
of the couple’s
alleged marital woes threatened to
siphon away precious media coverage
that Democrats planned to
fill with Rahm Emanuel’s preening
or Howard Dean’s chest-thumping
and primordial screaming.
Super-secret (non-existent)
sources tell me that The Architect
spent Election Night at the couple’s
Kentwood, Louisiana mansion,
where he watched the devastating
returns roll in and cajoled the
pliant simpletons into concocting
the whole phony story. The cable
infotainment-mongers, from Bill
O’Reilly to Keith Olbermann, were
powerless in the face of the alluring
pop-culture sideshow. You have to
give the people what they want, and
the people want celebrity news.
Rove, you brilliant bastard! He
knew Britney would sign on. She
demonstrated her fealty to President
Bush in 2002, when she told
Carson Daly: “Honestly, I think we
should just trust our president in every
decision that he makes, and we
should just support that, you know,
and be faithful in what happens.” A
more loyal GOP foot-soldier could
not be found.
But the ongoing ruse hasn’t had
the impact that Bush’s Brain had
SBA Notebook: Bring Back That Law School Spirit!
Jerry Parker ’08
SBA Treasurer
Britney Spears: Republican Operative?
Samson Habte '09
Columnist
It is well-known around these
parts that UVA is the best law school
on the planet. We have the best students,
the coolest professors, and the
most fun. We regularly dominate the
likes of Harvard and Yale in lawyerly
pursuits such as softball and binge
drinking. Darden students fear us.
Undergrads want to be us. Popped
collars wilt wherever we’re near. Yep,
it’s a pretty sweet existence we enjoy
around here, which in part explains
our failure to recognize a painfully
obvious way to augment our own
sweetness. No longer, my friends,
no longer. The Law School needs a
mascot.
I realize there will be some dissention.
Double ’Hoos will cite our
allegiance to the venerable Cavalier,
who is guiding the football team so
effectively these days. Some will
claim that we should be represented
by the Wahoo, a fish that can drink
twice its weight in liquid, preferably
alcoholic. But who are they kidding?
Fish aren’t sweet! (Unless sharks
are fish, in which case some fish are
really sweet.) Others will say that
Adam Wolk is a perfectly good mascot,
thank you very much. Sorry,
folks. Wolk is going to graduate, and
chances are strong that it will happen
in the next three or four years.
The Law School needs to forge its
own competitive identity, one that
speaks to not only our fun-loving
reputation, but also our deep commitment
to the study of law. (I hope
my professors read that—they’ll die
laughing.) We need something that
clearly reflects our utter sweetness,
as well as our tolerance for certain
things that aren’t so sweet. Like
hotels that give us two bartenders
for one of the biggest parties of the
year. (Harvard Law students would
have burned the Omni to the ground
hoped. The liberal print media
insisted on prioritizing election
coverage, filling their pinko pages
with unwelcome stories about GOP
recriminations. The Washington
Post, for example, continued to viciously
feast on the rotting carcass
of George Allen’s political career,
running several above-the-fold stories
about our fellow Hoo’s tragic
demise. A 50-point font headline
trumpeting Jim Webb’s success was
accompanied by an instantly iconic
photograph of the Warrior-Turned-
War-Critic hoisting his Marine son’s
combat boots in the air at a victory
rally in Arlington.
Like an annoying younger sibling,
the war in Iraq continues to attach
its sticky fingers to the metaphorical
hands of a beleaguered Bush
administration. Snooty NPR-listening
elites were comforted by the
fact that Brit and K-Fed’s break-up
couldn’t draw the public’s attention
from the carnage halfway across the
world. These unpleasant snobs look
down on those of us who can’t resist
the siren call of US Weekly while
checking out at Harris Teeter.
Their smug derision is misplaced.
Popular culture is an important societal
force, and anyone who endeavors
to understand the times
in which we live should not ignore
it. Few people understand this as
much as the Washington Post’s Eugene
Robinson. Robinson built a
distinguished reportorial career as
a foreign correspondent covering
weighty topics like British politics
and South American narco-wars.
But since becoming a columnist,
last weekend. Not us. We just gave
a bunch of money to charity and
danced to Bon Jovi.) We need a mascot
to embody everything that makes
UVA the best law school in the country,
nay, the world.
I propose that from now on, we
should be known as the University
of Virginia School of Law Fightin’
Learned Hands. I mean, talk about
your sweet dudes. Not only was he
one of the foremost jurists in history,
the guy loved to have a good time.
When he was on the Second Circuit,
he was a well-known frequenter of
the hottest clubs in New York City. He
used to spend his free time at his vacation
house in New Hampshire, where
he hung out with his close friend J.D.
Salinger. Rumor has it that Salinger
This guy just exudes school spirit.
Robinson has often dedicated his
space on the op-ed page to discussions
of the social implications of
stories like Madonna’s third-world
toddler heists.
And with good reason. Ignoring
popular culture borders on journalistic
malpractice: the country
is obsessed with celebrities, and at
some level, the media are obligated
to hold a mirror up to the public,
reflecting back what they see in the
communities that they cover.
So keep up with pop culture, but
do so while maintaining the pretense
that your interest is driven by sociological
or anthropological desires to
understand our times. Adopting this
approach will allow you to shamelessly
log on to TMZ.com in full view
of others, perhaps at the library,
when you should be cramming for
exams.
As for the mainstream media,
they ignore celebrity news at their
own peril. The publication of recently
culled circulation numbers
showed that almost every major
metropolitan newspaper is losing
readers. The only big newspapers
to gain readers were two delightfully
entertaining tabloids.
The New York Post became the
fifth highest circulation newspaper
with 704,011 readers, and the
New York Daily News upped their
readership to 693,382. Both papers
pushed past the Washington Post.
US Weekly’s subscriber base, in case
you were wondering, is 1.75 million,
with an additional one million
weekly newsstand sales.
Email: sfh5t@virginia.edu
went into reclusion because he never
met a guy who was cooler to hang
out with than his boy Learned. That’s
the kind of figure I want representing
our school.
Obviously, further details remain
to be explored. We have to decide
if we want a Blue Devil-type caricature
costume, or something a little
more serious. I think eventually most
people will simply refer to us as the
Fightin’ Hands, but the evolution of
that shortening should be left to time.
Either way, before my IM basketball
team, made up of only law students,
takes the court when the playoffs
start next week, our pregame cheer
is going to be: “Goooooooo Hands!”
I suggest you all follow in our trailblazing
footsteps.
photo courtesy of answers.com
Professor John Harrison addressed students on Monday.
► HARRISON
continued from page 1
Harrison Deconstructs
Separation of Powers Doctrine
“Vesting the different powers of
government in different officers—
saying, ‘The executive power shall
be in one officer, and the legislative
power shall be elsewhere’—means
one thing if those officers can’t be the
same person, and it means something
else if they can be the same person,”
Harrison explained. He cited the
current British constitutional system,
in which the monarch’s prime minister
serves simultaneously as leader of
the majority party in Parliament, for
an example of two powers placed together
in one official in a way not allowed
in the United States.
“In one respect, [the American
model] has been extremely successful.
. . . Like a lot of really important
constitutional provisions, you never
notice it—the chairman of the Senate
Judiciary Committee is not, and
cannot be, the attorney general,”
Harrison said, illustrating that our
fundamental incorporation of separation
of powers would prevent such
an obvious conflict.
“That’s why something like what’s
going on with Senator Lindsey Graham
is sufficiently unusual as to be
really remarkable.”
Senator Graham of South Carolina,
who had served as a JAG officer
in the Air Force prior to his 1994 election,
did not resign his military commission
before being inducted into
the U.S. Congress, and retains a reserve
position at the rank of lieutenant
colonel. In 2005, his status as an
officer of both the legislative and the
executive branch became the subject
of litigation in United States v. Lane,
after Graham had been assigned as a
judge for a military appeals case, the
decision of which was later successfully
appealed on grounds that Graham’s
placement as judge had been
unconstitutional under the separation
of powers principle reflected in
the Incompatibility Clause.
“I think that what Lindsey Graham
is doing is unconstitutional, but
I [also] don’t think the [Lane] case is
correct,” Harrison said. “I think what
[Art. I, Sec. VI] means is that, if you
are, for example, a colonel in the Air
Force, you can’t be a senator; it doesn’t
mean that if you’re a senator, you can’t
be a colonel in the Air Force. If you [already]
hold office, that office disqualifies
you from becoming a member of
[Congress].”
photo by Jeff Miller '08
“The people who screwed up are
the Senate,” Harrison continued.
“They should have said, ‘We can’t
seat you until you resign from the
Air Force and stop working for the
president,’ which is a bad thing in the
system of separated powers.”
Harrison also discussed difficulties
presented by the current Presidential
Succession Statute, in which Congress
has defined the hierarchy of
officers who would assume the president’s
powers and duties in the event
of his permanent absence. Currently,
the second and third positions on the
list are held by the two members of
the legislative branch—the speaker
of the House of Representatives and
the president pro tempore of the Senate,
respectively—an arrangement
that Harrison sees as fundamentally,
and perhaps catastrophically,
flawed.
“The statute now says that . . . if
the speaker is to become acting president,
he or she must resign as speaker—which
is designed to deal with
the basic structural problem [under
separation of powers]. The problem
is that that’s unconstitutional, too,”
Harrison said. “You act as president
because you’ve got the other office,
and the statute has you getting rid
of the office by continuing to act as
president.”
Harrison further stated that the
drafters of the Constitution could
not have foreseen this contradiction,
since they did not consider members
of Congress to be eligible for placement
in the line of succession under
Article II, Section I. The relevant text
was written, Harrison said, with only
officers already within the executive
branch, such as cabinet members, in
mind.
“This [Presidential Succession
Statute] is an accident waiting to
happen,” Harrison claimed, giving
a hypothetical scenario. “There’s a
terrorist attack. Both the president
and the vice president are killed, and
there is then a dispute between the
speaker and the secretary of state as
to whether it’s constitutional for the
speaker to act as president. . . . It is
likely to plunge the country into a serious
constitutional crisis, exactly at
the moment when the country does
not need a serious constitutional crisis,”
he surmised. “Oh great. What
fun.”

Friday, 17 November 2006
When you think about it, the annual
PILA auction is one of the most
brilliant fundraising schemes this
Jerry Parker '08
Columnist
Let the Booze Do the Bidding:
Unlearned Lessons from PILA
side of Republican
campaign contributions.
Whoever
came up with the
idea of putting 600 ultra-competitive
law students in a huge room, getting
them all liquored up, and letting
them try to beat each other at spending
money for charity is a true genius.
A genius whom I hate. That’s because
I’m the biggest sucker of them all
when it comes to these things. Dress
me up in fancy clothes, give me a few
Beam and Gingers and I’m ready to
spend a little money. After last year’s
debacle (I’ll never use those 25 pedicures—who
has the time?), I really
wanted to rein it in this year. It didn’t
quite go as I planned.
As soon as I walked in the door,
I got a little tingle in my fingertips
—the kind that says “we’re about to
go bid on some useless crap, buddy!”
(Either that or “the infection is
spreading!”—at that point the bourbon
was doing most of my thinking.)
I did a little warming up on the silent
auction—some swimming lessons,
mountain biking with Professor Ryan
(sorry, girls), a makeover for me and
three of my friends—you know, little
stuff. I also picked up those two “get
out of cite checks free” cards for Law
Review. Not because I’m on Law Review,
of course. Apparently they don’t
like us “bottom quartile” students
very much. It’s so those punks have to
do each and every one of them themselves.
Suckers. And at only $120,
that’s a bargain for a healthy dose of
misplaced, vindictive bitterness. My
mom would be so proud.
The silent portion was nothing
more than practice for an elite auction
athlete like me. (I mean, who needs
practice? We’re talking about practice.)
Much like Allen Iverson, it was
in the live auction that I really stepped
up my game. Within 30 seconds of
being in the room I was already in
the running for a free month’s rent
► CONFERENCE
continued from page 1
first three months of the Iran Contra
scandal, forcing Reagan administration
lawyers to abandon efforts to assert
executive privilege to keep internal
White House documents private.
Executive privilege was the sole
topic of another panel, “Defending
the Presidency,” that was moderated
by UVA professor John Harrison.
Nancy Kassop, a political scientist
at SUNY-New Paltz who studies the
presidency, noted that lawyers of
both parties who work in the executive
branch are usually proponents
of broader presidential power. White
House counsels tend to share “a desire
to leave the presidency stronger than
they found it.”
This is particularly true with respect
to executive privilege issues—
the president’s right to keep certain
records private.
Executive privilege is a source of
constant disagreement between the
White House and Congress, speakers
noted. Presidential administrations
often rebuff document requests from
congressional leaders investigating
the executive branch.
Mark J. Rozell, a George Mason
public policy professor who wrote a
at Ivy Gardens. Of course, I don’t live
at Ivy Gardens anymore, but a competitor
like me can’t get caught up in
silly details like that. I ended up getting
it for $170 less than I used to pay
over there! Looks like a win to me!
My next victory was a big one—for a
mere $2,000, I got myself behind the
wheel of Doug Leslie’s first car. That’s
right, straight from the mean streets
of Iowa, this is the car that Professor
Leslie cruised the boulevard in when
he was in high school. I don’t want to
make anyone too jealous here, but
apparently the engine even runs! A
few minor cosmetic repairs and that
baby’s ready to roll.
I figured that the last prize I had
my eye on would be subject to some
pretty frenzied bidding, so I was pretty
happy to bring it home for a quick
$500. For that meager sum, Dean
Jeffries will be preparing dinner for
me and seven of my closest friends
before the NCAA Tournament Final
this spring. And since Dean Jeffries
knows everything about everything,
with a little pre-game gambling advice
I’ll be making that $500 back
pretty quickly. It doesn’t happen until
April, either, so I have plenty of time
to try and make those seven friends.
On a completely different note,
even in the midst of my intense bidding
I noticed how scared of law students
the folks at the Omni now are.
Are we really that much of a danger?
I guess the “Stark Incident” really
shook them up, because the security
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Columns 5
force they hired was just a bit over
the top. First of all, there were about
40 guards, each of whom could have
taken any number of us law student
pansies down without breaking a
sweat, or any knuckles. Secondly,
some of them had those über-sweet
Secret Service earpieces—did they
have knowledge of a covert plan in
place to make an attempt on Adam
Wolk’s life or something? (Uh, guys?
Wolk was in Key West. So you can
take those things out of your ears and
go back to checking out girls in dresses.
Thanks for the effort, though.) Finally,
did anyone else notice that they
had guns? What could rent-a-cops at
a law school function possibly need
guns for? Clearly they were worried
about those thugs from William &
Mary Law rolling up here and starting
a shootout. But seriously, what
were they going to use the sidearms
for? To plug the guy who had one
drink too many and passed out under
the silent auction table?
Actually, maybe one of them should
have taken a shot at me when I bid on
that last item and saved me $200. I
don’t need a(nother) night of sweet
love from Locke Beatty! That lapse
in judgment aside, I must say I pretty
much dominated PILA this year. So,
if anyone’s interested in joining Dean
Jeffries for dinner and NCAA basketball
to the tune of $75 a head, let me
know. I’ll even drive—I just picked up
a sweet new car.
Email: jparker@virginia.edu
And the best part is it only cost two grand!
book on executive privilege, articulated
the most relied-on argument for
broader executive privilege.
“Presidents and their staffs must
be able to deliberate without fear that
every single utterance will be made
public,” Rozell said.
But, Rozell added, this concern
should be balanced against Congress’
right to investigate the executive
branch.
Many of the alumni of the White
House counsel’s office argued that
weakening executive privilege would
be bad for public policy because it
would stifle the ability of aides to offer
candid advice.
But partisan and ideological differences
couldn’t be completely papered
over by the panelists’ general bias toward
executive branch prerogatives.
Many of the lawyers from Democratic
administrations said they
thought the Bush administration had
pushed the boundaries of the doctrine.
Many constitutional scholars say
that because one of the president’s
duties is that of commander-in-chief,
presidential power is and should be at
its zenith on national security issues
photo courtesy of danenglander.com
White House Lawyers Support Broad Executive Powers
during wartime.
Harrison, a strong proponent of
executive power, related an anecdote
about his time at the Justice Department’s
Office of Legal Counsel during
the first Bush administration. Harrison
recalled a phone call from the
White House to the Justice Department
on the night before the military
commenced the initial bombing
raids of the first Gulf War. A colleague
turned to him and said, “If it’s the
President, tell him the answer is ‘yes’.”
The first day panels, held on an unseasonably
warm Friday afternoon,
were sparsely attended, with only a
handful of law school students in the
seats of a mostly empty Caplin Auditorium.
Most of the attendees were other
conference participants, although the
crowd did include a few other interested
legal practitioners and at least
one former Virginia governor—A.
Linwood Holton III, a Republican who
is also the father-in-law of current
Democratic governor Tim Kaine.
Law School benefactor Mortimer
Caplin lamented the poor student
showing, asking a reporter, “Where is
everybody?”
After the Giving of Thanks
Are the Feats of Strength
I spend a lot of time discussing
the things I hate. Whether talking
with my friends, taking baths
Toby Mergler '07
Columns Editor
with my soulmate
Rub E. Ducky, or
meeting a potential
client for the
first time, seems all I discuss are
the things that piss me off. Given
that potential clients are one of the
things that get under my skin, I’m
pretty sure my book of business
will be more of a leaflet. But as
Thanksgiving approaches, I’ve decided
to give some thought to what
I am thankful for instead. Here are
a few of the things I’ve come up
with.
Friends and Family—Start with
the easy one. I’m very thankful for
these people, as their tolerance for
me should make them eligible for
sainthood. Without them, I’d be a
lethargic neanderthal who drinks
too much and exercises too little.
Or at least, I’d feel lonely while doing
so.
Federal Holidays—I don’t care
what the reason is, if you give me
a day off work, I’m taking it. These
bastions of freedom will soon provide
me with the only link I have to
being a 3L, as I plan to spend them
watching mindless marathons of
Deal or No Deal on TiVo. Speaking
of which…
TiVo—You are a freakin’ miracle
worker. Without you, my Interruption
would not be Pardoned,
my Show would not be Daily, and
my Bell sure as hell wouldn’t be
Saved. You made TV my bitch and
eliminated the inefficiency that
was commercials, giving me much
more time to practice both my ninja
and swashbuckling skills. Why
argue pirates vs. ninjas when you
can be both?
Saturday Morning Cartoons—
Yes, I still watch cartoons on Saturday
morning. I’m convinced that
one day Wile E. Coyote is going to
catch that punkass Road Runner
and will exact his revenge in his
Acme brand torture chamber. And
I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss
it.
Bacon and Eggs—An excellent
way to start the day, especially
when anxiously awaiting the Road
Runner’s reckoning. Okay, I’m getting
hung up. Bacon and Eggs is
just flat out delicious, especially
when they are Road Runner eggs
and bacon from his favorite pig.
God I hate him so much, he’s so
f’n smug. Dammit, pull yourself
together Toby, the seven people
still reading this are counting on
you.
Go-Karts—It’s the dumbest
thing, having had a license for over
a decade, but I still love go-karts. I
think it’s derivative of my love of
midgets. I would really like to see a
midget driving a go-kart. While the
rest of us are scrunched up, he’d be
getting his gangsta lean on. Play on
lil playa, play on.
Being Lazy Outdoors—One of
my great pleasures in life is lounging
outside. I don’t know why I
feel so much more productive being
stationary outside as opposed
to being stationary indoors. I just
know that whether it be at a beach,
a park, or on a stranger’s roof, I feel
like I’m the king of all I survey. A
Ninja-Pirate King.
Bar Games—It’s not enough to
just spend time with your closest
friends, you must be competing at
something at all times, otherwise
you are likely to realize you don’t
have anything to talk about besides
football, girls, and that time you
were so drunk you got involved in
a high-speed police chase through
three states. Thanks to the cigarette-throwing
game, I can keep
my feelings and my memories entirely
repressed. It’s supersweet.
Friendly Wagers—I’m additionally
thankful for friendly wagers
on things like Golden Tee and
pool. Remember, it’s not just eight
bucks in your pocket; it’s a small
chunk of your buddy’s pride. I like
to take pictures of my friend’s face
and tape them over the dead presidents.
That way when I spend it,
the cashier at WaWa knows exactly
who I pwn3d.
Drive-Thrus—A wonderful creation
that allows incredibly lazy
people to eat unhealthily and avoid
pesky human contact. Without you,
I may obtain the exercise of at least
getting out of my car and walking
inside to retrieve my McRib. I say,
eff that, I want to drive dangerously
while I savor its flavor.
Re-runs—Thanks to syndication,
I’ll be watching the same episodes
of Seinfeld, Simpsons, Scrubs
and Family Guy well into my 80s,
when hopefully I’ll become forgetful
enough to enjoy them again for
the first time. Somehow I think I’ll
recognize the Soup Nazi long after
I’ve forgotten who my nephews
are.
The Rebirth of Comedy—Along
the same lines, I’m very thankful
that comedy has seen a serious upswing
in recent years. Despite CBS
trying to kill it, new sitcoms and
sketch comedy shows like Chappelle’s
Show, The Office, The Colbert
Report, and It’s Always Sunny
in Philadelphia have come along
and resurrected the genre. Without
you, everyone might still be in
love with that no-talent ass clown
Raymond.
Traveling in Non-English-Speaking
Countries—I love being a
stranger in a strange land and having
to communicate through broken
language and lots of pointing.
Nothing makes you feel more alive
than waking up on a park bench,
wandering why that hot Spanish
chick never showed up and then
realizing she didn’t say, “meet me
in the park,” but rather, “I hope you
get mugged and left for dead in the
park.” Ah, memories. I just wish
they hadn’t stolen my virginity.
Pop culture debates—A lot of my
friends can’t take a cold call to save
their lives, but you ask them who’s
better, Oasis or The Shins or who
is hotter, Jennifer Aniston or Angelina
Jolie and all the sudden they’ll
turn into Lincoln and Douglas. It’s
fun to watch and even better when
they back up their points with
things like, “The Shins use original
metaphors and advanced lyrics
that challenge their pedigree and
push the limits of today’s indie rock
scene” or “Dude, she’s so hot, even
your girlfriend would bang her.”
Aleve—This miracle drug cures
everything from sore arms to
toothaches. I’m not ashamed to
admit that during the softball tourney,
I was popping them like Pez.
Now if only they could cure heartbreak,
I could throw away my Chris
Isaak’s greatest hits album. Noooo
IIIIIIIIIIIII don’t want to fall in
luuuv. Enjoy that, it’s gonna be in
your head all day. I’m now thankful
I’m not you.
Email: mergler@virginia.edu

6 Columns & Reviews
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY
Friday, 17 November 2006
Dan Balserak '08
Columnist
Dan Balserak's Immor(t)al Legacy
Certain mornings I wake up
fragile and hollow, haunted by a
sense of my own mortality, and
it won’t wash off in the shower.
It’s like if I don’t hold onto something
I might float away. The
specter’s visits, though sporadic,
stick with me: a bird hits the
window, or I trip and teeter on
the stairs, and there I am again.
It is not that I believe my death
impends, but as entropy carries
me inexorably forward, I would
like some small measure of consolation.
Accordingly, please
find below a draft of my will and
testament.
The Last Will and Testament of
Dan Balserak
To Jeff Albertson, I leave my intermittent
Skoal habit. I’m still convinced that the only
reason you caught so many more fish than
me the other day is that they smelled it on
my hook, and I want revenge.
To my landlord, I leave the light fixture
on my ceiling, which somehow manages to
leak vast quantities of water when it rains
without showering me with sparks as well.
On second thought, I would like to donate
this to science. You, instead, get the bill
for all the caffeinated beverages I’ve had
to consume to make up for nights spent in
sleepless terror that I would be electrocuted
in bed.
To Tom Wood, I leave all of my pairs of
sweatpants. You seem to be the only one
whom I’ve persuaded that it is not only acceptable,
but actually stylish, to wear them
with button-down shirts, and I’d like to see
that continue.
To Anika Yusaf, I leave the comically tiny
shorts my brother gave me from when he
was a kid. As a self-appointed arbiter of
taste, you deserve these ’70s-era gems for
their value as a reminder of how trends can
so easily go awry. The only condition on
this bequest is that you must wear them in
public at least once a week. This is because
you always make fun of me for wearing
button-down shirts with sweatpants.
To the guy whose foot I broke while
playing horseshoes at the NASCAR race a
few weeks ago, I leave the Dale Jarrett hat
that I tossed in the fire because I thought it
looked like I’d just bought it earlier that day
and, thus, not like the hat of a veteran Dale
Jarrett fan. I lied when I told you I’d torched
it in anger over his un-American move from
Ford to Toyota—I didn’t even know about
that until a few hours beforehand, right
before I bought it. Unfortunately, the hat
won’t do much to help your foot, but it will
keep about half of your head out of the sun.
Sorry about that again.
To the truck full of girls who drove
around the NASCAR campsite flashing
people for money, I leave the erotic coaster
set that Jeff brought back as a gift for me
from his trip to Greece last year. I didn’t really
talk to any of you at all, and as far as
I could tell, you didn’t look like you were
Greek, but I figure maybe you’d be into an
erotic coaster set.
To the staff of the Virginia Law Review, I
leave my remaining case of Steven Seagal’s
Lightning Bolt Energy Drink (http://
lightningdrink.com). See, even though
you submitted 50 interview requests during
OGIs while knowing full well that you’d
get 90% of them, I’m still leaving you something,
because I have so much love in my
heart.
To the staff of my very own beloved Virginia
Environmental Law Journal, I leave
the towering heap of Styrofoam food
containers that I have been hoarding in my
closet until science discovers an ecologically
friendly method of disposing of them.
Please do so at such time.
To Andy Clayton (who else?), I leave
my Girls on Trampolines! DVD. It’s holidaythemed,
so if I kick the bucket in the next
month or so, at least my death would be
timely in that regard. It goes without saying,
the girls might be a bit out of your target
demographic.
As the last of my bequests, to Ken Staples
of Staples Barber Shop, I leave my cutlery
set. Nowhere else, never before, have I received
such a quality haircut while been
slowly spun around in my chair the whole
time. Besides it being an impressive talent
on your part and a good deal on a haircut,
the feel of being a moving target was mildly
exhilarating. I thought perhaps you could
incorporate my knives into the experience
somehow.
Finally, I would like to provide some instructions
for my burial. Well, maybe “burial”
isn’t the right word. Do you remember
the guy who tied a bunch of weather balloons
to his lawn chair, got too scared to
release any of them, and floated over an
airport or something? I’ve always admired
that guy. Talk about carpe diem. So, please
sit my lifeless body down in a lawn chair,
put a Keystone in my hand, and send me
gently into a low-level orbit. That way,
when you look up in the sky, you can know
that I am quite literally smiling down on
you. Awww.
image courtesy of
agreatgiftidea.com
Surviving Your Callbacks: Some Tips for 1Ls (and Some Unfortunate 2Ls)
Jeff Miller ’08
Reviewer
Eight hotels. Nineteen October
nights spent elsewhere than Charlottesville.
Over 6,000 miles traveled
by air. Sixteen flights in a cramped
Korean War-era turboprop plane that
moves like a meringue dancer at the
least gust of wind. Seven alarm clocks
set for 5 a.m. so I can make a 7 a.m.
flight. Sixteen cab drivers who think
the trip between LaGuardia and Midtown
is a qualifying run for the Grand
Prix of Monte Carlo.
I returned to Virginia battle-worn
and interview-weary, but, dang it
Nancy, I survived. And despite the
best efforts of my personality, I even
managed to land myself a job in the
process (take that, Mom!).
The callback process is not for the
weak of heart, nor the slight of spirit.
If you want to be a cosmopolitan lawyer
in one of our nation’s great cities,
prepare yourself for a marathon. Like
a great endurance run, it takes stamina,
desire, and most of all—focus.
Here is what I have gleaned from
the process. 1Ls, I hope you will keep
some of these in mind when you embark
on your own whirlwind tour de
employment next year.
First, the callback process begins
with class scheduling. That early?
Absolutely. You will notice that law
school credit requirements assume
fifteen credits a semester except for
once when you may indulge in a
meager twelve credits. Take the light
load the fall semester of your 2L year.
I did not. Heck, I almost took eighteen
credits. If you are going to be visiting
a lot of firms in far-flung places, you
will regret not listening to me.
Second, try to keep a two-day block
open during your week. Under no
circumstances should you take a Friday
class and, frankly, Thursday isn’t
looking too good for you either. Load
up on Monday and Wednesday, take
a Thursday seminar that doesn’t meet
every week . . . Whatever, just keep a
couple of days free.
. . . Because if you do, you’ll be able
to do what, I think, is the most important
callback tactic: scheduling two or
even three firms in a group. Ask any 2L
or 3L, the worst part of any callback is
the 12-hour surgical strike—flying in
at 8 p.m. the night before, crashing
in the hotel at 11 p.m., waking up for
a 10 a.m. callback, and then flying
out at 4 p.m. You will hate your life if
you do that more than once. And you
know what? I’ll hate you too, Captain
Cranky.
Interviewing in blocks will give
you time to slow down, take a breath,
and enjoy the city you will soon be
living in. I was largely a stranger to
New York before this semester. Now,
I know how to avoid eye contact with
the homeless like a true Manhattanite.
I also know where the best
hammocks are sold (hint, it’s down
in the hammock district). This is especially
vital if you’re venturing off
to unknown places. Can’t decide between,
say, Tuscaloosa and Burbank?
Spend a few days in each!
Importantly, remember that your
callbacks are as much interviews as
your OGI was. “But Jeff,” one might
say, “they say the callback is your opportunity
to see if the firm is a match
for you!” Yes, then we’ll all hold
hands and eat granola. It’s an interview—act
like it.
If you have a question that you are
not sure is kosher, save it. You can
ask all the taboo questions you want
after you get the offer. The national
post-callback offer rate is something
around 50%. Don’t become a statistic
by relaxing and dropping your guard.
One must especially take note of
this during lunch or dinner with the
firm. If recruiters are the Viet Cong,
this is their bamboo-spiked pit. Take
one example: I was eating lunch
one day after Yankees pitcher Corey
Lidle’s aerial accident. One of the associates
brought it up, to which I absentmindedly
replied, “Yeah, when
George Steinbrenner says he’s going
to make roster cuts, he’s serious!”
DO NOT DO THAT. Now, I lucked
out and got an offer from the firm,
but it sure wasn’t because of that line.
At least wait until the dead are in the
ground before you use them as comedic
fodder.
Next, take advantage of an invitation
to return to the firm for a visit. It
might seem like a hassle to schedule a
trip like this late in the semester, but
it’s worth it if you are undecided. A return
trip allows you to be much more
free in your demeanor and frank in
your conversation. I could never have
made my decisions without a second
swing through some offices.
According to one recruiter, a law
firm will spend about $150,000 per
incoming attorney each year. If they
are making such an investment in
you and you, in turn, are going to be
making an even greater professional
investment in them, you both deserve
to know whether or not you will
be content to work there for three or
four years.
Do try to be somewhat conscious
of the firm’s money, however. One of
the associates I interviewed with bemoaned
having to take a return visitor
out to an expensive restaurant the
previous night, despite not knowing if
the firm reimburses it. While the legal
recruiting process certainly gives one
ample opportunity to do so, don’t be
a glutton.
Finally, when deciding on a firm
during callbacks, remember that you
chose Virginia, and you most likely
have a soul (to you 1Ls transferring
to NYU, Columbia, etc., I apologize
for us bombarding you with our soulness,
and I’m glad to hear you’ll be
murdering your shriveled and blackened
one next year).
The professional aspects of a firm
are important, but take to heart that
you will be with that firm for at least
three years or so. Pick a place you’ll
be content with. As one associate remarked
to his roommate (who would
interview me later that day), “I wake
up each morning dreading work,
and I know that today will narrowly
eclipse yesterday as the worst day of
my life.”
Don’t be that guy. Jobs aren’t parades,
but neither are they prisons.
Go with the firm that you’ll be satisfied
working for because, dang it Pedro,
that’s the firm you’ve spent this
entire process searching for.
Now go study for finals.

Friday, 17 November 2006
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Reviews 7
UVA Basketball:
Something Special?
First Impressions of John Paul Jones Arena
Craig Smith ’09
Reviewer
The University officially opened
John Paul Jones Arena (JPJ) for
basketball this past week to much
buzz and acclaim. With an exhibition
game and regular season
opener on consecutive weekends, I
had the opportunity to evaluate the
game-day experience for patrons.
Architecturally, JPJ is stunning.
At once imposing and light, the
building’s use of brick and columns
effectively echoes the style of Central
Grounds without appearing derivative.
Without a doubt, this is the
most impressive-looking arena in
the ACC, if not the entire country.
An initial pass through the arena
yielded similar good impressions.
The ushers, dressed in UVA apparel,
were friendly and helpful—a far
cry from the yellow-jacketed CSC
automatons that infest so many
facilities. The lower concourse was
well appointed and spacious. Signage
and tempting concessions
abound. I sensed a superlative experience
unfolding.
Sitting down to watch the game,
things quickly went downhill. The
University trumpets that 70% of
seats are between the baselines.
What they fail to mention is that all
but 10 of those seats are in the oxygen-depriving
upper deck. Fans are
further removed from the action by
the multi-use design of JPJ; the arena
is not well suited for getting both
basketball and hockey fans close to
the action, unlike Boston College’s
(smaller) Conte Forum.
Regardless of where you sit, take
sunglasses to protect your retinas.
LED boards encircle the court between
the suites and upper deck,
graphic by Michael
Seeligson '09
bombarding fans with bright, colorful
ads throughout the game. I tried
to focus on the action below but
kept getting distracted by the flashing
sales messages in my peripheral
vision. These ads actually made me
angry and detracted from the game
experience like nothing before. Perhaps
I would have calmed down if
ushers had offered glowsticks and
E for a post-game rave.
The pre-game extracurriculars
were sub-par. At most stadiums,
fans receive a nice commemorative
ticket for a major event such
as opening night; Virginia gave you
a towel and an extra-large T-shirt.
We had to sit through smoke clouds
(reminiscent of Miami back when
The U had a football team), laser
shows, spotlights, fireworks, and
a rappelling Cav Man before we
could even get to the starting lineups.
It’s as if we weren’t allowed
to get excited about a new arena,
a good team, and a top-10 opponent
on our own. No sir, UVA was
going to jam some extra manufactured
enthusiasm right down your
throat. Spare me.
Once the haze from the fireworks
cleared, the central scoreboard became
easily visible. It looked neat
at first, with an eight-panel score/
video board on top of another large
video board, both sandwiched
between rotating LED boards. It
brought a bit of Times Square to
the gym. However, they need to
start showing more information;
only updating both teams’ statistics
at halftime is simply unacceptable.
And they must stop cutting away
from the points/fouls table to show
me those worthless Super VGA portraits
of individual Cavaliers.
Taking a break from the sensorial
assault in the seating bowl, I
wandered out to sample some concessions.
Even in the middle of the
first half, lines were painfully slow.
UVA might not qualify for the minimum
wage exemption for seasonal
recreational facilities, but it can’t be
that expensive for the school to hire
sufficient staffing for each stand.
Upon arrival at the front of the line,
I was greeted by the most baffling
experience possible at a new arena:
the concession stands don’t accept
credit cards. It’s impossible to fathom
the thought process behind accepting
only cash. Gee, everyone in
the world takes credit cards and we
charge $2.50 for a pack of M&Ms—
probably don’t need to take plastic.
Well, now that I’ve reached that
brilliant conclusion, I’m going to
vote Al Groh for ACC Coach of the
Year. As a bonus, when I returned
with borrowed cash, I was informed
no one had ordered tops for
my soda cup. Seriously, who makes
these decisions?
I tried. I wanted to like JPJ. I
spent two games searching for
positives (nice bricks; nice ushers;
nice home uniforms; sturdy, topless
soda cups; comfortable seats).
I even ignored the “same olds” that
will end up making JPJ just like every
bland new arena (same lame
pre-recorded music, same lame
dance team, same lame alumni,
same lame promotions, same lame
induced cheering). Even after an
exhilarating win against Arizona, I
came away disappointed. Trying to
find my path home in spite of retinas
seared by dancing corporate
logos, I called home and uttered
something previously unfathomable:
“Mom, I really miss Comcast
Center.”
Marc Centor ’07
Reviewer
With less than three
minutes to go in the
first half against #10
Arizona, the Wahoos
were down 19. By
halftime, they had
stopped some of the
bleeding and pulled
within 13, but the
outlook remained
dim. After the pregame
spectacle—
fireworks and spotlights
and CavMan
descending from the
ceiling on a lowered
rope—the Hoos went
flat. For a second, I
thought the Silver Fox
had Saran-wrapped our
goals.
Then the wind changed direction,
sometime during halftime,
or at the end of the first half
when no one was watching. Maybe
when Curtis Staples’ number
5 jersey was raised to the South
rafters, the spirit of the Cavaliers
followed. Halfway through
the second half, they had whittled
the Wildcats' lead to a tie
ballgame. Arizona continued to
fight off the stingy Wahoos, but
Sean Singletary’s relentless attack,
Mamadi Diane’s hot hand
and Jason Cain’s Barkley-esque
domination of the boards were
too much for the PAC-10 squad
to handle.
The coming season may be an
uphill battle for the University of
Virginia Men’s Basketball team,
but Dave Leitao and the Cavaliers
stand poised for the challenge.
After a trio of home cupcakes,
the Cavaliers head to Purdue
for the ACC/Big Ten Challenge.
Then NC State and Hampton at
home before the season heats
up in January with home stands
against Gonzaga and Stanford
segueing into the hectic conference
season.
Although preseason pundits
have largely ignored the Hoos,
our backcourt ranks among the
best in the nation. Third-year
Sean Singletary runs the point
and will lead the team with his
intensity and ball skills. Think
Donald Hand hustle and Damon
Stoudamire speed. Add fourthyear
J.R. Reynolds at the two,
plus a host of wingmen led by the
emerging Mamadi Diane—who
definitely called bank on that
shot—and you’ve got trouble for
any defense we meet.
More questions exist in the interior.
Jason Cain should prove
a great power forward if he can
keep up his intensity level and
improve his back-to-the-basket
game, while Laurynas “Lars”
Mikalauskas, transfer Ryan Pettinella,
and the healing Tunji
Soroye provide big bodies for
defense, rebounding and inside
baskets. While this crew isn’t
blessed with the talent and experience
of the guards, their hard
work should pay off down the
stretch. Expect all of these guys
to improve as the season continues
and Coach Leitao continues
to work with them.
Which brings us to the man behind
the men, head coach Dave
Leitao. After 15 years under the
esteemed Jim Calhoun and three
years of head-coaching success
at DePaul, Coach Leitao appears
to have the team in good shape
for his sophomore campaign. By
stressing hard-nosed defense and
a refuse-to-quit attitude, Leitao
has changed the outlook of Virginia
basketball. And while the
run-of-the-mill basketball analysts
may not be giving Leitao’s
team any respect yet, the unraveling
of time will reveal the potential
of the 2006-07 Cavaliers.
Nada es imposible, as they say.
If there’s one more thing
the Law Weekly’s loyal readers
should know about the season to
come, it’s that it is the inaugural
one for the John Paul Jones
Arena. The largest arena in the
Commonwealth of Virginia,
JPJ should prove to be a stellar
venue for our team to regain its
status among the elite of the
NCAA. And although the incessant
LCD ads and HooVision may
be distracting at times, the mic’d
up rims and 16,000-seat capacity
add a big-time feel that was
absent in the beloved U-Haul.
Although die-hard fans will miss
the Clam, the J is sure to play a
large role in the future history of
Wahoos basketball. As philosopher
Jay-Z once said, all things
must come to an end. Luckily
spring follows on the coattails
of winter. We are on the verge of
something special here in Charlottesville
and the critics should
pay mind. The sun is but a morning
star. Just ask the Arizona
Wildcats.

8 The Back Page
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY
Friday, 17 November 2006
faculty quotes
editor's pick:
R. Harmon: “After having
kids for a few years, my big
thought is ‘Why doesn’t child
abuse happen more often?’”
R. Hynes: “So if the Loch Ness
monster eats your shaft...”
J. Jeffries: “I’m kind of a hardass
guy.”
C. Sprigman: “I have an old
girlfriend who was a flute player
and I asked her about this. The
conversation was good, but the
flute part was definitely the
best.”
T. Nachbar: “I don’t understand
how prurient interest and
excretory interest go together, but
the Court seems pretty obsessed
with this.”
G. Robinson: “You don’t think
the F word and the S word should
go together?”
T. Nachbar: “I hope not.”
Student: “The casebook seems
to say the opposite.”
G. Mitchell: “Well, I don’t read
the cases in the book.”
G. Mitchell: “I assigned that?”
Class: “Yes!”
G. Mitchell: “Wow, I have to
read my own syllabus more carefully.”
S. Smith: “Okay, here’s a hypo.
I’m pointing my gun, but it’s not
loaded. That’s why it’s a hypothetical.
My guns are always loaded.”
J. Harrison: “Have you ever
been to any of those stores on the
Downtown Mall? Has anyone
ever bought anything from those
shops? I think they must be money
laundering operations.”
P. Low: “Virginia has the distinction
of having the secondhighest
quantity of deaths from
the death penalty. I suspect you
all know who has the first. It’s
Texas. But Virginia’s hangin’ in
there. . . . no pun intended.”
J. O’Connell: “Breyer was Kennedy’s
boy, if you’ll pardon the
phrase.”
Mel the 3L: by Josh Kaplowitz '07
L. Walker: “You can’t serve process
by just going out into the yard
and nailing it to a tree . . . unless
the defendant lives in a treehouse
out in the yard.”