For the happy man! - Collected writings DEPRESSION: Ed Atkins

dio audience. And then another YELP in the darkness – and
it’s your own yelp, impersonated, parodied, sarcastic – from
the voice inside the folly, from the figure (who’s dragging,
arrhythmic footsteps are FOLEYED to excessive perfection).
(You lie as flat as you can, eyes wide to the darkness, and you
very quietly comprehend an infinitessimal version of this
scene being played out inside your body). The door to the
folly – white, double-glazed, hushed – opens. And there it is,
standing there, the figure: huge, wet, a brown towel around its
midriff, hair all over, a smile, wet eyes, genitals visible from
your prone position – breathing audibly, with a slight whistle
to it, a labour. Surveying from the doorsill, the security lights
ON again – and you’re
surely plain as day now,
lying there, wet,
crippled, clutching
the brochure –
PATHETIC – – and
sure enough,
the figure looks
down at you and
smiles, its fat,
overly-haired
head cocked
like a fucking
animal. And it
waits patiently for
an explanation,
though it knows
perfectly well
what has happened,
why you’re here. So
you say, YOUR VOICE CRAZING, ‘Do you live here?’.
And it turns, unblinking, the smile unwavering, away from
you, and goes back inside. You stand up and follow it in,
closing the door quietly behind you. And you know how
to lock it because you have a door like this at home – not
at your home, but at your parent’s home-your home – by
lifting the handle back on itself, THEN turning the key.
[...]
Propping the tumour against the door frame, you mark a