Church of the poor - Jesus Army
Church of the poor - Jesus Army
Church of the poor - Jesus Army
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Secrets<br />
and Lies<br />
JACQUI DOESN’T look like a witch, or<br />
even an ex-witch. Not a trace <strong>of</strong> green<br />
skin, no cat, no broomstick... Joking<br />
apart, one might expect a woman who spent<br />
many years meeting o<strong>the</strong>r pagans in tree<br />
circles by night to have something – eccentric?<br />
– about her. In fact, Jacqui’s a very normal,<br />
very nice, cheerful mum <strong>of</strong> three (with<br />
a talent for cooking choc-chip biscuits).<br />
Yet, as we sit munching some <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> said<br />
(delicious) choc biscuits, she unfolds a story<br />
that is not very “normal” – and certainly not<br />
nice.<br />
Jacqui grew up in what she describes as “a<br />
very rural, very pagan part <strong>of</strong> England” in a<br />
childhood <strong>of</strong> farms and fishing in <strong>the</strong> river<br />
(“you could get brown trout”), <strong>of</strong> sunsets,<br />
hedgerows and hay bales.<br />
“I remember a mate going to sleep in <strong>the</strong><br />
hayfield and we built a ‘hayhouse’ around<br />
<strong>the</strong>m so when <strong>the</strong>y woke up <strong>the</strong>y were in<br />
<strong>the</strong> dark” remembers Jacqui with a chuckle.<br />
But her childhood wasn’t all idyllic. Jacqui<br />
pauses, <strong>the</strong>n quietly tells me about <strong>the</strong><br />
sexual abuse she suffered from a close family<br />
member between <strong>the</strong> ages <strong>of</strong> four and<br />
fourteen.<br />
“He was a sailor in <strong>the</strong> Merchant Navy.<br />
When he was on leave, he would shower me<br />
with a lot <strong>of</strong> gifts; buying my silence.” Much<br />
later, he was arrested for ano<strong>the</strong>r sexual <strong>of</strong>fence<br />
and Jacqui went to <strong>the</strong> police with her<br />
story – after years <strong>of</strong> painful silence.<br />
“I think my parents knew,” reflects Jacqui,<br />
“to a degree. I think <strong>the</strong>y covered it up. Back<br />
<strong>the</strong>n sexual abuse was a taboo subject.”<br />
Partly because <strong>of</strong> this troubled home<br />
life, Jacqui would spend a lot <strong>of</strong> time with<br />
her grandmo<strong>the</strong>r, a big influence on her. It<br />
was her grandmo<strong>the</strong>r who first introduced<br />
Jacqui to witchcraft.<br />
“She would teach me things you would<br />
say were very –” Jacqui searches for a word<br />
and settles on “unchristian. Wax effigies.<br />
Charms. And she would take me to meetings<br />
<strong>of</strong> her friends.”<br />
I lean forward. (This must be where <strong>the</strong><br />
broomsticks come in.) “A coven?” I whisper.<br />
But Jacqui is nonchalant. “It was just a<br />
meeting <strong>of</strong> friends. ‘Coven’ wasn’t a word<br />
that was used – though it boiled down to<br />
that.”<br />
Jacqui’s exploration <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> occult deepened<br />
in her teenage years along with many<br />
<strong>of</strong> her friends. But she is careful to point out<br />
that she didn’t see it as “becoming a witch”.<br />
“Teenagers today probably would term<br />
it as that – <strong>the</strong> whole Americanised ‘Wicca<br />
industry’. Twenty-plus years ago you<br />
wouldn’t. It was more to do with worshipping<br />
nature and <strong>the</strong> elements. Vibes. Channelling<br />
positive energies.”<br />
Not exactly Wicked Witch <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> West,<br />
I think to myself. At 20, Jacqui hitched to<br />
<strong>the</strong> Midlands, got a job, and decided to<br />
stay <strong>the</strong>re. It was around this time she first<br />
bumped into some people from <strong>the</strong> <strong>Jesus</strong><br />
Fellowship.<br />
OXFORD ENGLISH “WITCHIONARY”<br />
Coven. Noun: a group or meeting <strong>of</strong><br />
witches; <strong>of</strong>ten derogatory; a secret or<br />
close-knit group <strong>of</strong> associates.<br />
Occult. Noun: mystical or magical<br />
powers, practices, or phenomena;<br />
communicated only to <strong>the</strong> initiated.<br />
Origin: late 15th cent. (as a verb)<br />
from Latin occultare/occulere, ‘secret’/<br />
‘conceal’, based on celare ‘to hide’/‘to<br />
cover up’.<br />
Pagan. Noun: a person holding religious<br />
beliefs o<strong>the</strong>r than those <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> main<br />
world religions. Origin: late Middle<br />
English from Latin paganus , ‘villager,<br />
rustic’, from pagus, ‘country district’.<br />
“I used to let <strong>the</strong>m come round to my<br />
place in bedsit land and we’d talk and pray.<br />
I was quite open to God and began to take<br />
steps away from paganism. They brought<br />
<strong>the</strong>ir flapjack and flasks – and <strong>the</strong>se odd<br />
glass mugs. After <strong>the</strong>y’d all gone, I realised<br />
that <strong>the</strong>re was a mug left under <strong>the</strong> bed. I<br />
washed it up, thinking ‘I’ll give it back next<br />
time I see <strong>the</strong>m’. It never actually happened.<br />
I mention it because that mug stayed with<br />
me for years and has a part in <strong>the</strong> story.”<br />
Jacqui’s involvement with <strong>the</strong> <strong>Jesus</strong> Fellowship<br />
at that time was short-lived, mainly<br />
because around <strong>the</strong> same time as meeting<br />
<strong>the</strong>m, she also met Jimmy – who she moved<br />
in with and later married. They moved back<br />
South-West and had three children.<br />
Yet <strong>the</strong> marriage ran into difficulties:<br />
Jacqui began to suspect that Jimmy was seeing<br />
someone else.<br />
“I became more and more convinced,”<br />
Jacqui sighs. “Jimmy went <strong>of</strong>f and did his<br />
own thing a lot. He’d joined <strong>the</strong> police and<br />
had so-called ‘training weekends’ and ‘duties’<br />
. But things didn’t add up: receipts in<br />
pockets from <strong>the</strong> wrong places and so on.”<br />
Later Jacqui was to find that he had<br />
indeed been having an affair. In fact he<br />
had ano<strong>the</strong>r family. At <strong>the</strong> time, <strong>the</strong>y just<br />
grew fur<strong>the</strong>r and fur<strong>the</strong>r apart. With Jimmy<br />
increasingly absent, Jacqui picked up some<br />
old friendships in <strong>the</strong> pagan scene.<br />
During her years away it had all got<br />
heavier.<br />
“There was a guy called Dan who was<br />
kind <strong>of</strong> running things. He was doing things<br />
which I called ‘negative energy’. He would<br />
summon spirits up – which was scary.<br />
“He was ‘high priest’. You have certain<br />
degrees that you go through when you are a<br />
coven – ranks, basically. Dan said he wanted<br />
me to be his ‘high priestess’, through a<br />
ceremony called <strong>the</strong> Grand Rites. There are<br />
two ways you can do this: symbolically or<br />
<strong>Jesus</strong> Life One/2008 Page 10<br />
www.jesus.org.uk