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1. Discussion Ethics
To be very practical: everyone who reads the word 'sex' in this context will interpret it as
'penetration'. That’s not what we mean to say. We mean 'intimacy' in its many grades.
Then, the concept of initiative is based on a wrong idea: the idea that in a loving relationship
one or the other takes the initiative to a next step in intimacy. It's the theory of seduction,
which, in society's view, is always performed by the adult. So, as a kind of defence, we have
said, 'Do not take the initiative'. But in a loving relationship, each initiative is taken by one and
the other, by one with the other. Each initiative is only a proposal to the other and the other will
respond to it.
It's not realistic to say 'Do not take any initiative'. What we want to say is: ‘Be very attentive to
the answer and the feelings of the other’. If the other says 'no', it is 'no'. What we want to say is:
the grade of intimacy in any relationship will be decided by both partners in communication
with each other, both having freedom of choice and the right to self-determination.
So, in talking about any relationship, one should always mention both partners, and the rights
and responsibilities of both. The adult may have some more responsibilities, the young one also
has responsibility and the adult also has rights.
Both partners are members of a society, which generally now has other ethical principles and
which especially denies young people their right to self-determination. This is an extra
consideration to have in thought for the responsibility of both partners.
In earlier discussions it was said that there are not only (long-lasting) relationships, but also
(shorter) contacts. Ethical guidelines should mention both.
New text:
Freedom of choice
In any intergenerational relationship or contact, both partners, the adult as well as the
young person, have it in their power to regulate their own lives, their relationships
and the grade of intimacy.
Each partner has the right to self-determination and the responsibility to acknowledge
this right in the other. Therefore, both partners in open communication will at any
moment choose the grade of intimacy.
In friendship relationships or contacts, both partners have the freedom to withdraw
from the relationship at any moment. Love and dedication are unconditional; they
bind partners who are free and independent.
In dependency relationships or contacts, (such as parent-child or teacher-pupil) love and
dedication should also be unconditional, but freedom to withdraw does not exist in
practice. So, extra attention should be given to the right to self-determination and the
responsibility of both partners. Here, the grade of intimacy has two limits: complete
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