The Contribution of Women to Peace and Reconciliation

Immediately after the genocide, I did not want to take vengeance on
any person. I wanted to burn my country; I wanted to burn the trucks of
the NGOs, because they had abandoned us. I could not stand the West -
erners, because of the Western powers and their responsibility during
the genocide, because I had seen everything, I had just experienced
everything, I’d just lost everything. Even my friends could do nothing for
me, they had just called me on the phone to say goodbye.
Even though at one point, I wanted to go visit the killers and tell them
to kill me, the idea then left me, and I thought of giving testimony about
the genocide. I thought I had been the only one to survive, and testifying
became a duty for me, even while the genocide was still going on. I
wrote the information on cigarette paper; I always had a pen in my pock -
et. Everywhere I went during my flight, I tried to listen to the radio to
find out where the chiefs of the murderers were going to coordinate the
genocide, because all the briefings were being carried out by radio. I
was sometimes able to manipulate the killers, when there was almost
no hope left. But I can’t say I was cleverer than they, or than any other
of the genocide victims or the women who were raped. When I got to
the area of the Patriotic Front (RPF), which was fighting to stop the gen -
ocide, I didn’t give myself any time to think. I asked to care for the wound -
ed of the war and the genocide, to resist despair.
I had to leave my country to rebuild myself. Before leaving my country,
I also felt guilty about leaving my children in a mass grave in Rwanda,
and fleeing. I went to ask their forgiveness for letting me go, with the
promise that I would return to them, so that justice might be done. I
begged them to let me give my love for them to other children and not
to be jealous. In that way, I was able to go to Belgium without blaming
myself. This is also how I was able to care for other children, orphans.
I know that love has triumphed over hatred and that life has triumphed
over death. This allows me to get up every morning, to put one foot in
front of the other, and to do positive things.
I testify, but I don’t have much energy. I only know that I have the will
to do it, which means to accept reliving the genocide. Because every
time I testify, I relive the genocide of the Tutsis. I do it because I am a
257