Volume 1, Issue 5 (June 2011) - The Heschel School
Volume 1, Issue 5 (June 2011) - The Heschel School
Volume 1, Issue 5 (June 2011) - The Heschel School
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After Two Long Years,<br />
Vending Machine Finally Shut<br />
Down—For Good<br />
By Daniel Ernst<br />
<strong>The</strong> decision to permanently shut<br />
down the vending machine was made<br />
earlier this semester by principal Lori<br />
Skopp, and Beverly Shnaps-Morris. After<br />
going through numerous vendors, while<br />
facing constant problems, it was decided<br />
that having this vending machine was<br />
simply not worth the countless hours<br />
spent managing its flaws.<br />
<strong>The</strong> vending machine, sometimes<br />
considered Student Council’s greatest<br />
A Sarcastic Ode To the<br />
Vending Machine<br />
By Amelia Sylvor-Greenberg<br />
I have sad news to report; the vending<br />
machine died. It’s gone. Everyone really<br />
loved that thing, and I’ve got to admit<br />
that it was pretty swanky. I mean, you<br />
could put $1.50 in, and that magic food<br />
robot would give you a bag of “organic”<br />
potato chips or a “healthy” soda. So like I<br />
said, swank-o-rama. I didn’t have much<br />
against the vending machine, only one<br />
or two issues with it. Or three or four…<br />
<strong>Issue</strong> #1: <strong>The</strong> fact that people would<br />
always hang out in front of the vending<br />
machine. People are like moths, and<br />
for some reason they’d just flock to the<br />
machine. <strong>The</strong>y would stand there without<br />
buying anything. <strong>The</strong>y would press<br />
their faces against the glass and stare at<br />
the food for an entire 10-minute break.<br />
Come on, people. Were the snacks in<br />
there REALLY that exciting?<br />
<strong>Issue</strong> #2: <strong>The</strong> healthy snacks that<br />
weren’t really that healthy at all. Think<br />
about it: just because the soda was<br />
mango flavored didn’t mean it was better<br />
for you than Sprite. Just because the<br />
cookies said “natural” on the packaging<br />
didn’t mean that they were not cookies.<br />
Naturally blue potato chips are still just<br />
starch fried in oil. But the vending machine<br />
brainwashed everyone with the big<br />
slogans written on it: “Health! Environmentalism!<br />
Organic!”<br />
<strong>Issue</strong> #3: How people complained<br />
when the machine was closed because<br />
there were some peanuts in it. It’s pretty<br />
inconsiderate. So many people in this<br />
school have nut allergies, and it isn’t cool<br />
that people want to risk other kids’ lives<br />
so they can have a snack. It makes me<br />
want to ask them, “Hey, you want that<br />
granola bar so very much that you will<br />
risk making someone have an allergy attack<br />
in order to eat it?”<br />
<strong>Issue</strong> #4: this one is the most obvious.<br />
<strong>The</strong> machine was just a money<br />
waster. I mean, I think we all have access<br />
to snacks at home, so why should we pay<br />
extra to eat snacks that have been regurgitated<br />
by the school’s residential robot?<br />
And worse, not only did the robot eat<br />
money, but also it never spat up change.<br />
You could give the robot your $5 bill for<br />
your $1 snack, but the robot might decide<br />
to be greedy and take all your money.<br />
Silly robot.<br />
So there you have it: my four complaints<br />
about the vending machine. Despite<br />
those four tiny issues, the vending<br />
machine will be missed. Rest in peace,<br />
oh great snack robot. Rest in Peace.<br />
(You can e-mail me your angry<br />
rants against this article at ameliasy@<br />
heschel.org.) ◆<br />
accomplishment, was brought to the<br />
Middle <strong>School</strong> by the 2008-2009 Middle<br />
<strong>School</strong> Student Council members. It was<br />
received extremely well by students, and<br />
was frequently used- while it was working.<br />
But what came with the vending<br />
machine was a series of never-ending<br />
problems and elusive vendors. Most recently<br />
the vending machine had to be<br />
temporarily unplugged due to nut products<br />
being found in the vending machine.<br />
Unfortunately the vendor was on<br />
a three-month long vacation, and could<br />
not fix the situation. When the vendor<br />
finally returned, the nut item was replaced,<br />
however this time, with a nonkosher<br />
item. And this was not the first<br />
unsuccessful vendor that the school has<br />
used.<br />
Finally, the decision was made to<br />
discontinue its use, and just chuck the<br />
thing. <strong>The</strong> vending machine does not<br />
cost money to house and the money<br />
from sales go directly to the vendor.<br />
However the hassle of dealing with unreliable<br />
vendors pushed the school’s decision.<br />
<strong>The</strong> current Student Council has<br />
been dealing with possible alternatives<br />
for the vending machine, although it is<br />
unlikely that they will come up with any<br />
significant replacement. ◆<br />
Soaring Words<br />
By Ariella Kahan<br />
On Thursday, May 12, the Hesed Club<br />
decorated a blanket that will be delivered<br />
to a sick child in the hospital. This<br />
event was run by the Soaring Words<br />
foundation. <strong>The</strong> head of Soaring Words,<br />
Lisa, and two <strong>Heschel</strong> High school interns<br />
came during clubs to the Hesed<br />
Club. Lisa explained that she started this<br />
organization to brighten the time that<br />
sick children spent while in the hospital.<br />
<strong>The</strong> idea was to create blankets made by<br />
children of the same age as the recipients.<br />
Every member of the Hesed Club<br />
had an opportunity to decorate at least<br />
one square of a quilt. Everyone was told<br />
not to write anything on the blanket that<br />
might remind the sick child of their illness<br />
like, “get well,” or “feel better soon.”<br />
Instead, everyone drew pictures of rainbows,<br />
flowers, hearts, and covered every<br />
inch of the quilt with happy images.<br />
This activity gave the Hesed club<br />
the opportunity to do something that<br />
did not involve money or fundraising,<br />
but will improve a sick child’s day with<br />
their hands-on effort. Although at first,<br />
many Hesed Club members were not<br />
very excited about doing an activity with<br />
Soaring Words, many people grew to appreciate<br />
the organization, and enjoyed<br />
decorating the blanket. Several Hesed<br />
Continued on page 11<br />
<strong>The</strong> Joseph Slifka Middle <strong>School</strong> <strong>June</strong> <strong>2011</strong> ◆ 9