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Volume 1, Issue 5 (June 2011) - The Heschel School

Volume 1, Issue 5 (June 2011) - The Heschel School

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After Two Long Years,<br />

Vending Machine Finally Shut<br />

Down—For Good<br />

By Daniel Ernst<br />

<strong>The</strong> decision to permanently shut<br />

down the vending machine was made<br />

earlier this semester by principal Lori<br />

Skopp, and Beverly Shnaps-Morris. After<br />

going through numerous vendors, while<br />

facing constant problems, it was decided<br />

that having this vending machine was<br />

simply not worth the countless hours<br />

spent managing its flaws.<br />

<strong>The</strong> vending machine, sometimes<br />

considered Student Council’s greatest<br />

A Sarcastic Ode To the<br />

Vending Machine<br />

By Amelia Sylvor-Greenberg<br />

I have sad news to report; the vending<br />

machine died. It’s gone. Everyone really<br />

loved that thing, and I’ve got to admit<br />

that it was pretty swanky. I mean, you<br />

could put $1.50 in, and that magic food<br />

robot would give you a bag of “organic”<br />

potato chips or a “healthy” soda. So like I<br />

said, swank-o-rama. I didn’t have much<br />

against the vending machine, only one<br />

or two issues with it. Or three or four…<br />

<strong>Issue</strong> #1: <strong>The</strong> fact that people would<br />

always hang out in front of the vending<br />

machine. People are like moths, and<br />

for some reason they’d just flock to the<br />

machine. <strong>The</strong>y would stand there without<br />

buying anything. <strong>The</strong>y would press<br />

their faces against the glass and stare at<br />

the food for an entire 10-minute break.<br />

Come on, people. Were the snacks in<br />

there REALLY that exciting?<br />

<strong>Issue</strong> #2: <strong>The</strong> healthy snacks that<br />

weren’t really that healthy at all. Think<br />

about it: just because the soda was<br />

mango flavored didn’t mean it was better<br />

for you than Sprite. Just because the<br />

cookies said “natural” on the packaging<br />

didn’t mean that they were not cookies.<br />

Naturally blue potato chips are still just<br />

starch fried in oil. But the vending machine<br />

brainwashed everyone with the big<br />

slogans written on it: “Health! Environmentalism!<br />

Organic!”<br />

<strong>Issue</strong> #3: How people complained<br />

when the machine was closed because<br />

there were some peanuts in it. It’s pretty<br />

inconsiderate. So many people in this<br />

school have nut allergies, and it isn’t cool<br />

that people want to risk other kids’ lives<br />

so they can have a snack. It makes me<br />

want to ask them, “Hey, you want that<br />

granola bar so very much that you will<br />

risk making someone have an allergy attack<br />

in order to eat it?”<br />

<strong>Issue</strong> #4: this one is the most obvious.<br />

<strong>The</strong> machine was just a money<br />

waster. I mean, I think we all have access<br />

to snacks at home, so why should we pay<br />

extra to eat snacks that have been regurgitated<br />

by the school’s residential robot?<br />

And worse, not only did the robot eat<br />

money, but also it never spat up change.<br />

You could give the robot your $5 bill for<br />

your $1 snack, but the robot might decide<br />

to be greedy and take all your money.<br />

Silly robot.<br />

So there you have it: my four complaints<br />

about the vending machine. Despite<br />

those four tiny issues, the vending<br />

machine will be missed. Rest in peace,<br />

oh great snack robot. Rest in Peace.<br />

(You can e-mail me your angry<br />

rants against this article at ameliasy@<br />

heschel.org.) ◆<br />

accomplishment, was brought to the<br />

Middle <strong>School</strong> by the 2008-2009 Middle<br />

<strong>School</strong> Student Council members. It was<br />

received extremely well by students, and<br />

was frequently used- while it was working.<br />

But what came with the vending<br />

machine was a series of never-ending<br />

problems and elusive vendors. Most recently<br />

the vending machine had to be<br />

temporarily unplugged due to nut products<br />

being found in the vending machine.<br />

Unfortunately the vendor was on<br />

a three-month long vacation, and could<br />

not fix the situation. When the vendor<br />

finally returned, the nut item was replaced,<br />

however this time, with a nonkosher<br />

item. And this was not the first<br />

unsuccessful vendor that the school has<br />

used.<br />

Finally, the decision was made to<br />

discontinue its use, and just chuck the<br />

thing. <strong>The</strong> vending machine does not<br />

cost money to house and the money<br />

from sales go directly to the vendor.<br />

However the hassle of dealing with unreliable<br />

vendors pushed the school’s decision.<br />

<strong>The</strong> current Student Council has<br />

been dealing with possible alternatives<br />

for the vending machine, although it is<br />

unlikely that they will come up with any<br />

significant replacement. ◆<br />

Soaring Words<br />

By Ariella Kahan<br />

On Thursday, May 12, the Hesed Club<br />

decorated a blanket that will be delivered<br />

to a sick child in the hospital. This<br />

event was run by the Soaring Words<br />

foundation. <strong>The</strong> head of Soaring Words,<br />

Lisa, and two <strong>Heschel</strong> High school interns<br />

came during clubs to the Hesed<br />

Club. Lisa explained that she started this<br />

organization to brighten the time that<br />

sick children spent while in the hospital.<br />

<strong>The</strong> idea was to create blankets made by<br />

children of the same age as the recipients.<br />

Every member of the Hesed Club<br />

had an opportunity to decorate at least<br />

one square of a quilt. Everyone was told<br />

not to write anything on the blanket that<br />

might remind the sick child of their illness<br />

like, “get well,” or “feel better soon.”<br />

Instead, everyone drew pictures of rainbows,<br />

flowers, hearts, and covered every<br />

inch of the quilt with happy images.<br />

This activity gave the Hesed club<br />

the opportunity to do something that<br />

did not involve money or fundraising,<br />

but will improve a sick child’s day with<br />

their hands-on effort. Although at first,<br />

many Hesed Club members were not<br />

very excited about doing an activity with<br />

Soaring Words, many people grew to appreciate<br />

the organization, and enjoyed<br />

decorating the blanket. Several Hesed<br />

Continued on page 11<br />

<strong>The</strong> Joseph Slifka Middle <strong>School</strong> <strong>June</strong> <strong>2011</strong> ◆ 9

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