RELATIONS OF DOMINANCE AND EQUALITY IN D. H. LAWRENCE

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bled him secretly, like a wound. This haemorrhage
of self-esteem tortured him to the end (p.121).
And Helena, instead of helping him, "had rejected him". Now
Siegmund concludes that he is not the God whom she has fancied
he was, but he persists in seeing her like a goddess.
Thus, he
declines more and more to self-destruction as a direct consequence
of her.
The guilt belongs exclusively to him. It is he who is
the culprit.
She, as a goddess, is beyond failure. She, as a
mother, cannot be blamed for anything. The problem with Siegmund's
realization.that Helena only uses him is then mixed with his
assuming the entire guilt for their failure. He is incoherent
and contradictory.
That seems why Helena continues being the
white goddess:
'Is that why I have failed? I ought to have
had her in love sufficiently to keep her these
few days. I am not quick. I do not follow her or
understand her swiftly enough. And I am always
timid in compulsion. I cannot compel anybody
to follow me' (p.123).
Again and again Siegmund assumes his failure as a man. And in
this introspective conflict he lets the sun burn his head and
(in extension) his own spirit. Masochistically "he gave his face
and his hot black hair to the sun". He does not care about being
hurt.
Helena has caused him the most horrible damage but this
he does not perceive for he is too much worried about finding fault
in himself. In fact, "he wanted the intoxication" of the sun to
punish his own failure.
In this mood of self-destruction Siegmund blinds himself
to the outside world and thinks of suicide: "'Whatever I do I
must not tell her'" (p.129).
Some pages later Siegmund reinforces
the idea of suicide, although he does not use the exact word:
"Helena would be left behind; death was no way for her" (p.l32).
With this thought they arrange their return to London. Helena,