Jun-04.pd - Local History Archives

ILLUSTRATION IY ARNOLD ROTH
in!
BY ALAN C. VAN DINE
admiration of the neighbors
higher than your neighbor's? This
is the total of all fruits, vegetables,
herbs, and nuts that you raise
in a year. As surprising as it may
seem,there are still neighborhoods
in this country where 'a peck of
tomatoes counts more than' a
variegated tuberous-root begonia.
You can keep careful notes
and arrive at a total annual yield,
but a more effective method of
scoring high on GNP is to give
boxes, baskets, and bowls of your
garden produce to neighbors.
This warmhearted gesture lets
them know that you're thinking
of them and that what you're
thinking is that they couldn't raise
an edible carrot on a bet.
H you intend to dominate-and
you do--you can't afford to neglect
the battle for the birds which is
raging in neighborhoods across the
country. The grim fact is that
there are just so many birds in
this world, and every one your
ne;ghbor has is one you have not.
Featherin. Your Nest
There is an effective bird-winning
technique, but it should be
used only in desperation. It requires
some electrical conduit and
a little work.
Install two electrodes in some
soft, lush spot in the lawn or garden,
and hook them up to a switch
in the house. Then invite the
neighbors over for ~ cookout.
An hour before they arrive, flip
the switch, and when the first
guests show, turn the electrodes
off. By that .time. you will have
galvaniud all the wor.ms to the
surface, and you'll have so many
birds descending on this crawly
feast that the neighbors will not
only be impressed, they'll lose
their appetites and save you ~ let
of hamburger money.
So much for the major battles.
Once you have mechaniL.ed the
tool shed. excelled in the war of
words over chemicals, raised your
gross natural product (and won
credit for this yield with effective
propaganda), and enticed all the
local birds, then you will probably
be envied and/or admired by all
the neighbors, regardless of how
your lot actually looks.
How to Stay on Top
Be prepared, though, to drop
everything to meet an unexpected
challenge, however small. For example,
one small but important
contest is the camouflage of garbage
cans. The garbage man spent
three minutes searching for .our
neighbor's cans, accor~ng to Joan,
the nonautomatic sprinkler and
wife at our house, and I knew we
were in trouble: our cans were still
faintly visible. on clear winter
days. behind a screen.-of yew anc
forsythia. At the risk of bragging,
I can report that before dawn the
next morning I haq bought and
installed an in-the-ground can with
a green lid.
As 'you parry and thrust, keep
calm. Try to appear relaxed at
all times. In fact, resolve to take
a day or two each summer to be
relaxed.
After all, the real purpose of
lawn and garden puttering is your
own leisure-time enjoyment. The
rest of life may be demanding and
frustrating, one long series of
thwarted hopes.
When you garden, however,
forget the rest of life, the frustrations
and defeats; when you garden,
win, and you'll really enjoy it.
Let your neighbor think of you like this: a cJu:unp who knows all the tricks.
There's a sto\~away
in the new KitchenAid dishwasher
It's a hox of Calgonite e dishwasher detergent. Try it-it's free. Know how
that Calgonite gets inside? The KitchenAid people pack stowaway sample boxes
of Calgonite in all their 1964 dishwashers because they're sure you'll want
your new dishwasher ready to go as soon as it's installed. And they're certain
you'll like the combination of Calgonite and KitehenAid for sparkHng clean
glassware and china. KitehenAid has been recommending Calgonite for years.
SuburbiD Today, June 1964 29