willie nelson is singing You Were Always On My Mind after lunch at Wendy's on friday & all the cash registers of the world lock up & go into hibernation the customers stop chewing & the waitresses are all frozen in their tracks willie nelson owns this moment &i pause & listen as The Muse puts her hands inside my chest & begins the pounding the pounding the pounding of the dough = 0 102
The Dress Hannah Nahm My sister says she wants a cake, anything with chocolate, lots of it. I make a mental list of places I can go to order a specialty cake, sugar free, low fat. Maybe there's an imitation chocolate out there. My sis ter's at risk of diabetes and God knows what else. At five four, she weighs just under two hundred pounds. She tells me this. I weigh just under two-hundred. She doesn't bother lying about these things, things that I, if I could, would cover up even at my own funeral. I see her eat - a lot. A whole mound of apple pie, sal isbury steak, kimchee cake, anything she can get her hands on. Hospital food gets you fa t, she says. It's the hospital's fault. I think, which one, there's been so many. She's been wantingto die off and on since twenty-one. She's turning thirty in less than two weeks. Her recent diagnosis: bipolar with psychotic man ifestations. She'll be facing her birthday at a psychiatric rehab facility, but I'm not moping over it. There were other birthdays far worse. At La Montana there's a mirror in the bathroom, a real one. At least here, she could close the door behind her to shower. In her teens, we used to call her "Cliff-hanger Sandy." We were talking about her chest. It dropped, straight down, no traces of budding nipples anywhere. But after cyclic years of hospital admissions and discharges and now a couple of months at La Montana, she is doughy like a sumo wrestler. This time, she says, I want a whole cake. Don't have it cut into small pieces or anything. I want to be able to cut my own birthday cake. check point. But Sandy, I say, the hospital won't allow that. I'll never get beyond the There is static on the other line. I picture my sister thinking about what I just said. Maybe she's checking her left wrist. Maybe she's surprised at the many slashes she sees there. I'm Sorry would be nice. Did you hear me, I say. You still there? Talk to the doctor, Dee. He said he needs to talk to you. What about the knife, Sandy? How are you going to cut that cake without a knife? Do you think they'd actually let me bring in a knife? Sandy snorts into the phone. I'm not going to hurt myself with a plas tic cake knife. I can't! Well I guess you're the expert. But I don't need to catch myself because I would never say this. Instead, I say, I don't know, Sandy. I don't know. I'm good now. When are you going to call the doctor, she asks. I want to come home. 103
- Page 2 and 3:
northridge review fall2003
- Page 4 and 5:
1 Historical Insignificance 8 Hiros
- Page 6 and 7:
EDITORS NOTE }-lere are your editor
- Page 8 and 9:
ass cheek with turquoise ring-weigh
- Page 10 and 11:
sTOP )'ou've never read Kathy Acker
- Page 12 and 13:
ernove his socks blacker than an Ar
- Page 14 and 15:
I I You put away old prints war toy
- Page 16 and 17:
Below Madelena Montiel You are in a
- Page 18 and 19:
your bed is floating on waves. The
- Page 20 and 21:
In truth, you continued to shower a
- Page 22 and 23:
As you return to your room, you are
- Page 24 and 25:
fo a Male Pop Musician Hollie N. St
- Page 26 and 27:
}3ryce Canyon J(en Cran Aman's back
- Page 28 and 29:
steel shanking. They've got diamond
- Page 30 and 31:
more than survivor's talk, because
- Page 32 and 33:
of a stunt crew to prepare him for
- Page 34 and 35:
ecause of the absurdity of seeing a
- Page 36 and 37:
een joined by the thousands of loss
- Page 38 and 39:
old palace of sweet cedar you retur
- Page 40 and 41:
Mother, my Mother, Under these vast
- Page 42 and 43:
fat Housebound Guy in the trailer h
- Page 44 and 45:
��o Would you like to join uth?
- Page 46 and 47:
fingers and wearing the same get-up
- Page 48 and 49:
&, � rn "It's a beautiful day," m
- Page 50 and 51:
0 S- 9. circus act, but I know you
- Page 52 and 53:
0 (5:"' c� Charity looking eon fu
- Page 54:
�, c5 m .t= :;: o'l'l \' m rambli
- Page 57 and 58: against the patio's ledge, catching
- Page 59 and 60: "Come Long-Vanh. Take a hold of me.
- Page 61 and 62: stiff and golden in the sunlight. F
- Page 63 and 64: hand, Thanh lashes at the food in t
- Page 65 and 66: pie through gardens, break windows
- Page 67 and 68: Manifest Destiny Madeline Osborne F
- Page 69 and 70: Wild Velvet jody DiSalvo breathing
- Page 71 and 72: a basket of chicken, especially dur
- Page 73 and 74: would do my homework in the back, b
- Page 75 and 76: 69 rose Tifany Austin the moment te
- Page 77 and 78: The Buyers or The Home Owners Rache
- Page 79 and 80: I could have been sitting ... or la
- Page 81 and 82: PROMPTER: Nothing. JASON: You expec
- Page 83 and 84: Dreaming with Angela Amber Norwood
- Page 85 and 86: ning, you still believed in your in
- Page 87 and 88: When she will sing, people will fee
- Page 90 and 91: Exchange Last Day of May Hollie N.
- Page 92 and 93: � .E you gotta hate the fucken pi
- Page 94 and 95: s h e w 0 u 1 d s a y of l ow �s
- Page 96: uf' the trip she thought it would d
- Page 100 and 101: have to walk the rest of the way."
- Page 102 and 103: "It was the longest twenty-minute w
- Page 104 and 105: Bill remained slow and steady, keep
- Page 106 and 107: .... . 0 0 This is it Melanie Neckt
- Page 110: I tell her I'll see what I can do.
- Page 113 and 114: 107
- Page 115 and 116: 109
- Page 118 and 119: decide what I feel. I'm wearing Aju
- Page 120 and 121: Marie Calendar's DeAnn Jordon A fam
- Page 122 and 123: Waking Up in Sicily Keith Onstad Iw
- Page 124 and 125: top-secret ingredient measuring lab
- Page 126 and 127: * There are no secrets on any Air F
- Page 128 and 129: I nodded my head, and for a few min
- Page 130: LACKHEADS "PET HATE" - Say Men, Gir