TheFaithful Woman - Flocknote

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The Faithful Woman
A Newsletter for Fidelis Volunteers
December 2012
The Beauty of a Virtuous Woman’s Heart
by Robert Wenderski
Thanks to Ignatius Press for the following
article.
Men are indebted to women. A
virtuous woman’ is immediately
attractive. In response to this virtue,
men desire to praise, honor, encourage,
and cultivate virtue in the woman so
possessing it. This is absolutely basic to
the affection between men and women.
When a man seeks a woman’s
affection, he is a debtor. He has done
nothing other than what he desires
to do; it is the virtuous woman who
has accomplished the difficult task of
acquiring virtue. When a woman who
has reached the heights of virtue by selfdenial
gives her affection to a man—a
man who has done nothing to clothe his
beloved in virtue—he is a debtor, seeing
sin in himself against the virtues of his
beloved.
Necessity of Women to
Practice Virtue
classic definition of love, given by
A St. Thomas Aquinas, states that:
“To love is to will the good of another.” 1
This definition says nothing about the
lover, but rather focuses on the beloved.
It clearly defines that love is in the will:
“Love [is] sustained choice,” 2 and not
founded in the emotions. And it specifically
defines love as having as its object
the serving of another person (since
only persons–whether human, angelic,
or divine–have a free will, only persons
can love; hence, the “other” can only be
another person). 3
It is the nature of love to give, to
give completely and entirely. The lover
does not say to his beloved: “I will love
for seven months.” Rather, he says:
“I will love you forever.” The Second
Vatican Council teaches that the human
person can be fulfilled “only in a
sincere giving” 4 of the self. For example,
“Woman’s unhappiest moments are
when she is unable to give; her most
hellish moments are when she refuses to
give.” 5
To prompt this self-giving desire in
men [as opposed to instigating lustful
desires, born of selfishness], women
must cultivate the practice of those
virtues more particular to their nature.
That is, to be true to the vocation of
woman, virtues that demonstrate a giving
of self must be displayed.
To attain to the true vocation of
woman is not the same thing as “being
oneself.” In fact, it is precisely the
opposite. The “seven pallbearers of
character” 6 —the seven capital sins—
must be overcome. The sisters of the
seven capital sins must also be overcome,
that is, those faults more “natural”
to women than men: jealousy, faultfinding,
gossiping, sensitivity to the
opinions of others. It is worth noting
that the faults to which women are often
most subject are related to persons,
not related to things. This is expected,
because women are closer to persons
(whereas men are closer to things). 7
Similarly, the virtues women
must cultivate are related to persons:
understanding, sensitivity, creativity, 8
acceptance, resignation, submission, 9
intuitiveness, generosity, fidelity, 10
receptiveness, 11 and equity. 12 Pope
John Paul II writes that the virtues of
women must correspond to the nature
of women, which is constituted in such
a way that each woman’s mission is “to
welcome [and] to care for the human
person.” 13 In another place, the Holy
Father writes of the “naturally spousal
predisposition of the feminine personality.”
14
The gifts of femininity have long
been amply praised in former times
for their uplifting effect on humanity.
No less than fourteen beautiful female
figures depict the seven sacred sciences
and the seven liberal arts in the left wall
of Andrea di Bonaiuto’s Spanish Chapel
in the Dominican Church of St. Maria
Novella in Florence. The feminine
gifts of prudence and religion prompt
Raphael in the Hall of Constantine and
the gift of faith prompts Podesti in the
Room of the Immaculate Conception
to portray these and other virtues by
a female personage. It is perhaps the
humility of women, which makes their
voices nearly angelic, which inspires
Faure in his Requiem Mass to direct
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female voices to convey the joy of the
glorious In Paradisum immediately after
the male tenor voice dominates the
travail of the Libera me. Homer extols
the forbearance and fidelity of Penelope
when Ulysses is away at war, and Fra
Bartomeleo paints a compassionate St.
Mary Magdalene as embracing Our
Lord’s feet in his “Pieta.” Archbishop
Fulton Sheen observes:
The level of any civilization
is the level of its womanhood.
The reason is to be found in the
difference between knowing and
loving. When we know something,
we bring it down to the
level of our intelligence. Examples
of abstract subjects must be
given to children to suit the level
of their minds. But when we
love something, we always have
to go up to meet it. For example,
if we want to master music, we
must obey its laws and meet
its demands. Since a woman is
loved, it follows that the nobler
a woman is, the nobler man will
have to be to be deserving of
that love. That is why the level
of any civilization is always the
level of its womanhood. 15
When men, assisted by grace,
recognize the excellence of femininity by
encouragement and praise of feminine
virtues, women will teach men how to
love. Civilization will be raised from the
depth of selfishness and despair to the
height of selflessness and hope
What is the essence or foundation
of a woman’s virtue? We have stated that
her virtues are related to persons. Pope
John Paul II brilliantly summarizes the
nature of feminine virtue, and simultaneously
explains why such virtue is so
heartwarming, when he writes:
Our time in particular awaits
the manifestation of that ‘genius’
which belongs to women, and
which can ensure sensitivity for human
beings in every circumstance. 16
Necessary emphasis should be
placed on the ‘genius of women,’
➺ 2➺
not only by considering great and
famous women of the past or present,
but also those ordinary women
who reveal the gift of their womanhood
by placing themselves at the
service of others in their everyday
lives. 17
Vocation of Woman
What is the vocation of woman?
According to Pope John Paul II,
a woman by her very nature is called to
manifest the truth to everyone of the
existence and depth of the love “with
which every human being—man and
woman—is loved by God in Christ.” 18
The Holy Father also writes: “Thank
you, every woman, for the simple fact
of being a woman! Through the insight
which is so much a part of your
womanhood you enrich the world’s
understanding and help to make human
relations more honest and authentic.” 19
Dr. Alice von Hildebrand quotes St.
Edith Stein: “. . . the particular mission
of women is to protect, to preserve, to
shelter, to guard, to bring warmth in a
cold, icy universe. In other words, to be
maternal.” 20 It is perhaps for all these
reasons that Pope Pius XI wrote: “For if
the man is the head[of the family], the
woman is the heart, and as he occupies
the chief place in ruling, so she may and
ought to claim for herself the chief place
in love.” 21
Truth, Beauty, and Goodness
are Integrally Related
Women faithful to their true vocation
attain beauty. This beauty is
interior and spiritual, and displays itself
in the deportment and countenance
of women. St. Thomas Aquinas gives
three characteristics of beauty: radiance
(claritas), harmony or due proportion
(consonantia or debita proportio), and
wholeness (integritas). 22
Radiance
Interior virtue has an exterior manifestation.
Beautiful things shine23 —in
a virtuous women’s actions, of course,
in her smile, but also, as noted above,
simply in her countenance. Speaking of
Blessed Fra Angelico’s altarpiece in the
Dominican Monastery of San Marco in
Florence, Professor Saward notes: ”...
in Angelico’s Madonna, the fairness of
her soul, the substantial form, shines
through the fineness of her features.” 24
Harmony
Singing the virtues of the Mother of
God, St. Albert the Great wrote:
“‘All fair art thou,’ that is, in body and
in soul: in body, through the integrity
of in-corruption and the unimpaired
purity of all the senses; in the soul, not
only all fair through humility, but very
beautiful, most beautiful, through the
perfect plenitude of all the virtues.” 25
Wholeness
Wholeness indicates nothing deficient
or lacking; nothing extraneous
or superfluous. Again, with Holy
Mary as an example, we have wholeness
unlike any other creature: she is Virgin
and Mother; Daughter, Mother, and
Spouse; a human person yet without
sin; a Handmaid yet a Queen; humble
yet exalted; a creature yet Queen of
Angels. In her did the Son, whom the
heavens cannot contain, dwell for nine
months. Through her did salvation,
in the Divine Person of Jesus, come
to men. She, Iota pulchra, is entirely,
wholly, completely the person whom
the Holy Trinity desires her to be.
To attain goodness, through a
virtuous life, is the purpose for which all
human beings, men and women, were
made. Beauty is “the radiance of the one
and the true and the good.” 26 Beauty
is also the “splendor of truth.” 27 The
Source of unity and truth and goodness
is the Holy Trinity, and holiness in
creatures is attained “essentially by the
possession of divine grace and morally
by the practice of virtue.” 28 Sanctifying
grace is the created effect of the indwelling
of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we can
understand that, in creatures, holiness
produces beauty.

Influence of Virtuous Women on
Men: Men Attempt to be Worthy
of a Virtuous Woman’s Love
Men know they cannot be worthy
of the love of a virtuous woman’s
heart. Men, too susceptible to pride and
lust, cannot fathom the gentleness of a
woman’s heart. Men are often too ambitious
for worldly ac claim and worldly
things to focus on each person as a gift.
Men frequently need a multiplicity of
reasons to love, and cannot understand
the simplicity with which women love
the person as one who is “created for
love.” 29 Men simply do not have the
same relation to persons that women do.
Indeed, God “entrusts the human being
to her in a special way.” 30
Despite this unworthiness, a man
wishes to entrust himself to a woman.
Men desire to be awed twice over: once,
because of the life-giving ability of the
woman, and second, by a selfless heart
which, to his astonishment and for reasons
he cannot understand, might give
itself to a sinful man. 31 Consequently,
he develops the desire to serve this
generous woman purely to please the
beloved. Physical appearance may make
a woman temporarily attractive, but it
is beauty f heart that makes a woman
irresistible. 32
“We love anyone only in the measure
that our minds tell us how good
that person is.” 33 This is especially true
for men, since they emphasize the rational,
thinking dimension of the soul,
whereas women emphasize the affective
dimension of the soul. For this reason,
women who engage in the marriage act
outside of or before marriage receive
no honor from men. Such conduct
instructs men that a woman places her
sensible appetites above her heart, which
is another way of defining selfishness. 34
In contrst, a virtuous woman offers
men the opportunity—or rather,
actually prompts the desire—to praise,
honor, and cultivate her virtues. Why?
To attempt to be worthy of a woman’s
love and affection. While men know
➺ 3➺
this worthiness is unattainable, men
must prove their love for the beloved
by acts of love. Men must demonstrate
their love; otherwise it dies. And, by
a marvelous ordaining of Most Holy
Trinity (the perfect Communion of
Persons):
One desires the good of the other
because he or she is recognized as worthy
of being loved. This is a love which
generates communion between persons,
because each considers the good of the
other as his or her own good. 35
The virtue of a woman transforms
a man to conclude that pleasing the beloved
is equally or more important than
pleasing himself.
The reason men are in awe of a virtuous
woman who returns his affection
is that the man’s dignity as a child of
God is affirmed! Some would claim that
the basic desire of human beings is to be
loved. Not so. When the soul is elevated
by the supernatural grace of charity,
the person is to desire to “love God
above all things for his own sake, and
our neighbor as ourselves for the love
of God.” 36 Charity is the supernatural
ability ”. . . to practice the virtue of selfless
love of others, which is the principal
way we show our love for God.” 37
When the charity practiced by a man is
returned by the affectionate charity of
a virtuous woman, the man’s desire to
practice charity further is affirmed. And
it is greatly strengthened.
This selfless love is not poetry or
some unattainable ideal. This charity
is at once ontological, and the effect of
supernatural grace on the mind and will
of men. “To say that man is created in
the image and likeness of God means
that man is called to exist ‘for’ others, to
become a gift.” 38 When a man, in a state
of grace, attempts to be worthy of a
woman’s love, the attempt is also to offer
himself as a gift to that woman. Thus,
“this ‘new heart’ [Ezek 36:25-26 and Jer
31:34] will make it possible to appreciate
and achieve the deepest and most
authentic meaning of life: namely, that
of being a gift which is fully realized in
the giving of self.” 39
Love as Sacrifice and Service
But the virtue of a woman must
provide the “incentive” to engender
this gift of self by man. It is a women’s
virtue which must provide the incentive
to a man to die, if necessary, willingly,
joyfully, to defend his spouse. Her social
standing, material wealth, physical appearance,
or any other temporal characteristic
will not provide this incentive.
A man’s self-love is too strong to permit
him to die for his spouse on his own. A
woman’s selfless love must inspire a heroic
self-sacrifice. A man will not make
the sacrifice of himself for his spouse
unless he has previously died to self
daily, in a thousand acts of charity, all
in order to please the beloved. And the
heart of a virtuous woman is, in man’s
estimation, worth dying for. Why?
Because dying for the beloved is the
ultimate act of charity40 —the ultimate
way in which man proves his love for his
beloved.
God, through St. Paul, commands
husbands “to love your wives as Christ
also loved the Church. . .” (Eph 5:25a).
Sacred Scripture immediately explains
how this is demonstrated, since Christ
“delivered himself up for it” (Eph
5:25b). As Jesus deemed the Church
worthy enough to die for, so a man
must deem his beloved worthy enough
to die for.
The Church often speaks of the
nature of married love as a mutual
sell-giving of the spouses. 41 From a
philosophical perspective grounded
in the inherent dignity of the person,
Wojtyla writes: “If marriage is to satisfy
the demands of the personalistic norm
it must embody reciprocal self-giving, a
mutual betrothed love.” 42 Dr. Dietrich
von Hildebrand writes: “. . . the two
partners give themselves expressly to
each other. . .” 43 This mutual self-giving,
especially on the man’s part, is born of
a mutual desire to serve the beloved, in
order to please the beloved.

Joys a Virtuous Women Gives
The interior beauty of virtuous
woman manifests itself in her
countenance, her deportment, and
above all, in her actions, and these three
expressions can be summed up in the
word “heart.” When true to her vocation,
a woman must clothe her body but
reveal her heart. When that vocation is
to the religious life, the heart is often
revealed to the Divine Spouse gradually,
due to perceived unworthiness when
compared to the Sacred Heart. When
perfected, a bride of Christ gladly and
entirely reveals her heart to Jesus. When
that vocation is to the married life, a
woman must at first reveal her heart
gradually, this time because mortal
man cannot grasp the brightness of a
virtuous woman’s heart all at once. The
man is fearful of learning of too great a
secret before he has acquired the needed
virtues himself to be entrusted with the
glorious gift of a woman’s heart. Women
must reveal their sweetness slowly.
Men desire to rest in the heart of
their beloved in an embrace. This rest is
unlike any other natural rest, because it
is founded on trust. And trust demonstrates
honor. Through this embrace
man perceives his temporal completeness–all
he lacks by lacking femininity is
provided by the heart of the women he
wishes to serve. A virtuous woman, in
loving a man who knows himself a sinner,
also fosters humility in the man.
Another joy a virtuous woman affords
a man is to serve a beloved daughter
of the Eternal Father. In the Old
Testament, we read the words of Boaz to
the Moabite woman Ruth:
Blessed art thou of the Lord . . . For
all the people that dwell within the gates
of my city know that thou art a virtuous
woman. (Ruth 3:10-11)
And another joy given by a virtuous
woman to her beloved is the calming effect
he receives. A virtuous woman does
not try to make herself attractive so as
to arouse physical desire in men. Rather,
the modesty of a woman is immediately
engaging. It is a form of gentleness.
➺ 4➺
In her modesty, she shows a greater
concern for the state of soul, both hers
and her beloved’s, than for ornamentation
of the body, which appeals to men
because it demonstrates her value of the
entire person. 44 The message of immodest
dress is one of indulgence, of passion
that is known to be fleeting and which
leaves emptiness as its fruit. Far more
attractive is the woman who conceals
her feminine mystery, revealing it only
as a man proves trustful. This revelation
is understood by man as a reward for his
trust.
Another spiritual benefit received
from a virtuous woman is that man receives
a great joy from serving a woman
who provides the stability of love. Vice
results in uncertainty, a great danger in a
man’s mind. How the rational faculty in
the male leads him to seek certainty and
dread uncertainty!
Specific Acts of Virtue to Practice
few applications are in order. Grace
A precedes virtue; therefore, men and
women must seek grace for themselves
in the four ways the Church has taught:
prayer, fruitful reception of the Holy
Sacraments, the practice of living a virtuous
life, and patience in suffering.
Avoiding occasions of sin, especially
in our day, is a necessary step to achieving
holiness.
Since Jesus is the Source of all
beauty, we must become more like
Him. 45 This cannot be done by the natural
power available to human nature.
Consequently, we must avail ourselves
of the Holy Sacraments, but especially
of the triple sacrament of the Most Holy
Eucharist:
• We must visit Jesus in the Most
Blessed Sacrament of the Altar.
• We must receive Holy Communion
with great reverence.
• Most importantly, we must
unite ourselves with Jesus in
the Most Holy Sacrifice of
the Mass, wherein He offers
Himself again, mystically, to
the Eternal Father, and includes
the whole Church in His offer-
ing. The Holy Sacrifice of the
Mass affords a primary grace of
self-surrender, 46 which is vital
to men, who are called to love
their wives “as Christ loved the
Church.”
Men must continually make this
offering of themselves, with Jesus, in the
Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. In this way,
they will prepare to die to themselves
daily, in a multitude of acts of charity, to
please their spouse.
Conclusion
May we have constant recourse to
her who is tota pulchra, in whom
the Divine Child, the Source of all
Beauty, Truth, and Goodness, dwelt for
nine months. By imitation of the virtues
of Holy Mary and through the intercession
of her prayers, may we experience
the joy of her Sweetest Heart by always
pleasing her Divine Son.
Robert Wenderski is a free lance
writer from Detroit, Michigan.
Endnotes
1 Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1994,
paragraph 1776.
2 Fr. John A. Hardon, S.J., ”The Morality
of Sex Stimuli,” Side 1.
3 Cf Karol Wojtyla, Love and Responsibility,
Ignatius Press, 1993, tr. by H.T. Willetts, p. 29.
In context, while not denying to angelic or to
Divine Persons the ability to love, Wojtyla writes
“Love is exclusively the portion of human persons”
(emphasis in the original). cf. Apostolic Letter,
Mulieris Dignitatem, August 15, 1988, no. 29.
4 Gaudium et Spes, December 7, 1965, no.
24.
5 Fulton J. Sheen, The World’s First Love,
McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc., 1952, p. 81.
6 Fulton J. Sheen, Lift Up Your Heart,
McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc., 1950, pp.
89-102.
7 For a clear and penetrating discussion of
the differences between men and women, see
Fulton J. Sheen’s The World’s First Love, Chapter
6, “The Virgin Mother,” pp. 7585 and Chapter
12, “Man and Woman,” pp. 147-159.
8 Mulieris Dignitatem, nos. 15, 16, and 19.
9 Sheen, The World’s First Love, p. 81.
10 Pope John Paul II, ”Letter to Women,”
June 29, 1995, no. 2.
11 John Saward, The Beauty of Holiness and
the Holiness of Beauty, Ignatius Press, 1997, p.
135.
12 Sheen, The World’s First Love, p. 187.
13 General Audience, November 24, 1999.

14 Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 20.
15 Life is Worth Living, Second Series,
McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc., 1954, p.
173. Emphasis in the original. Pope John Paul
II notes that “it is she who receives love, in order
to love in return” Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 29.
Emphasis in the original.
16 Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 30. Emphasis
in the original.
17 Letter to Women, no. 12. Emphasis in the
original.
18 Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 29.
19 Letter to Women, no. 2. Emphasis in the
original.
20 Conference entitled “The Privilege of
Being a Woman,” given at the Human Life International
World Conference on Love, Life, and
the Family, 1997.
21 Encyclical Casti Connubii, December
31, 1930, no. 27.
22 Saward, p. 43.
23 Saward, p. 43.
24 Saward, p. 44.
25 Saward, p. 118, footnote no. 15, quoting
De laudibus Sanctae Mariae; Beati Alberti
Magni opera omnia, ed. A. Borgnet, vol 36 [Paris,
1898], 274.
26 Saward, p. 46.
27 Saward, p. 114.
28 Fr. John A. Hardon, S.J., Pocket Catholic
Dictionary, An Image book published by Doubleday,
1985, p. 177.
29 Pontifical Council for the Family, The
Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality, December
8, 1995, no. 8. Emphasis in the original.
30 Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 30. Emphasis
in the original.
31 “For we must not forget that every true
love possess an intrinsic spiritual fruitfulness and
that conjugal love harbors this spiritual fruitfulness
of love quite independently of procreation.”
Dietrich von Hildebrand, Marriage, the Mystery
of Faithful Love, Sophia Institute Press, 1997, p.
30. Emphasis added.
32 As St. Augustine says, “The basis of married
love is the attachment of hearts.” Sheen, The
World’s First Love, p. 87.
33 Fr. John A. Hardon, S.J., “The Good
Angels Glorify God and Serve as His Messengers
to the Human Race,” Side 1. “Thou art all fair, 0
my love, and there is not a spot in thee.” Canticle
of Canticles 4:7.
34 And selfishness, the antithesis of charity,
opposes the good of the person. “To the degree
that a person weakens chastity, his or her love becomes
more and more selfish, that is, satisfying a
desire for pleasure and no longer self-giving.” The
Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality, no. 16.
35 The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality,
no. 9.
36 Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph
1822.
37 Fr. John A. Hardon, S.J., “The Most
Blessed Sacrament and the Immaculate Heart of
➺ 5➺
Mary,” Side 2.
38 Mulieris Dignitatem, no. 7.
39 Pope John Paul II, Encyclical Evangelium
Vitae, March 25, 1995, no. 49 Emphasis in
the original.
40 cf John 15:13.
41 For example, Gaudium et Spes, no. 48,
Humanae Vitae, no. 9, Familiaris Consortio, nos.
11-14, Letter to Families, no. 11, and the Catechism
of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2337.
Especially noteworthy are the words of Pope
Pius XI, writing of matrimony, which involves
“the blending of life as a whole and the mutual
interchange and sharing thereof” Casti Connubii,
no. 24. Cf. no. 7.
42 P. 99.
43 PP. 21-22.
44 “Sexual morality comes into being not
only because persons are aware of the purpose of
sexual life, but also because they are aware that
they are persons. The whole moral problem of
’using’ as the antithesis of love is connected with
this knowledge of theirs.” Love and Responsibility,
p. 33.
45 A definition of holiness is ”Christ-likeness.
” Fr. John A.
Hardon, S.J., ”The Morality of Sex
Stimuli,” Side 2.
46 St. Peter Julian Eymard, founder of
the Blessed Sacrament Fathers in 19th century
France, advises: “The best method of participating
in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is to unite
oneself with the august Victim. Act, therefore,
in union with Him, and with the same intention.
United to the offering of Jesus Christ, your
offering will be ennobled, purified, made worthy
of God’s attention.” Holy Communion, Emmanuel
Publications, translated by Clara Morris
Rumball, pp. 32-33.
© Robert Wenderski 2001
This item 9576 digitally provided courtesy
of CatholicCulture.org ✾

❃
Movie Clip
Clueless
A US West Coast
teen lifestyle parody
centered around Cher, a
popular high school girl
who spends her days
playing match-maker,
helping her friends
with fashion choices, and looking for
a boyfriend. In this scene, Cher has an
epiphany about her life and begins to
transform herself from self absorbed
beauty queen into a caring woman with
concern for others’ needs.
The King’s Message
“Did you see…?”
Did you see how instead of doing
her usual routine to get someone to notice
her, for example flashy clothes and
flirty looks, all outward actions, Cher
decided to improve her interior self?
Did you notice she changed her heart,
not her hairstyle?
“It’s a lot like…”
It’s a lot like when there is someone
I want to impress, I jump through every
hoop I can to get them to notice me.
December 2
The hopeful daughter has a daily conversion of heart.
Sometimes it can be my boss, I try to
find their interests so I can have things
to say. Sometimes it’s a new friend, I
try to dress like them, shop at the same
stores. Other times it can be a guy, I
become like a totally different person
to try and fit myself into a relationship.
But, when I do this, it’s just not me.
People want to talk to me, not a clone
of themselves. If I try to twist myself
into an “image” all I am doing is setting
myself up for disaster. I know now,
real friends and real love is all about
being “real.” When I am the best me, it
attracts the best in others.
“This is for you…”
Sisters, no matter what you do or
how you change your appearance, if it
doesn’t match what is on the inside, it
is just not going to matter. You have to
work on your heart, your soul...improve
your compassion, your generosity, your
patience. Concentrate on serving others’
needs, not so much on your own. Your
virtue will be like a magnet, drawing
people closer to you and towards God.
Squad Time
Pope Pius XI wrote: "For if the man is
the head[of the family], the woman is the
heart, and as he occupies the chief place in
❃
ruling, so she may and ought to claim for
herself the chief place in love."
The first set of questions pokes at
our hearts. We live from our hearts, our
compassion, our love for each other.
If our hearts are not properly formed
and nurtured, our whole being can be
disordered. Aiming to please God, to do
His will and not our own is the best way
to cultivate a healthy heart. By doing
this we live in freedom.
The second set of questions focuses
our attention on conversion. What is a
conversion? Literally defined it means
To change (something) into another
form, substance, state, or product;
transform. This is an important
distinction. We aren’t talking about
something simple and light like a
new pair of shoes; conversion is a
transformation into something new
with whole new purpose and behavior.
It is important to discuss little practical
ways your group can have conversions
of heart every day. It can be a conversion
of attitude towards those people who
really annoy us. It can be a conversion
of the choice of language, opting not to
use foul language. It is a lifelong process
of perfection. ✾

❃
Movie Clip
October Baby
A college freshman’s
world is rocked when
she learns she is the
adopted survivor of an
attempted abortion.
In this scene, Hanna is
searching for forgiveness
and healing.
The King’s Message
“Did you see…?”
Did you see how she was burdened
by her own unwillingness to forgive?
“It’s a lot like…”
I had a friend once wrong me very
badly. It was so grievous it actually
ended our friendship. I was so blinded
by anger and pain that whenever I
heard my friend’s name I could feel my
emotions bubbling up inside of me. If I
knew they would be at a certain event, I
would avoid the event. If they happened
to show up where I was, I would leave.
I went out of my way to avoid seeing
December 9
The hopeful daughter reconciles with God.
them. It took me forever to realize that
my actions were only hurting me. I was
missing out on fun times. I was off in
a corner sulking alone. My so-called
“enemy” was still going about their life,
not at all affected. Why was I doing this
to myself?
“This is for you…”
Just like the priest said in the film
clip, Christ declared that because we
have been forgiven by Him we must
forgive. It is a difficult and yet powerful
thing to do. Forgiveness grants freedom
in many ways. You are free to let go
of the anger and hurt that weighs you
down. You are free to begin rebuilding
the relationship that has been damaged.
Forgiveness grants both sides a fresh
start.
Squad Time
The hopeful daughter reconciles
with God.
Merciful forgiveness—the mercy
that we show to others and the mercy
that we ourselves seek—is indivisible. If
we ourselves are not merciful and do not
forgive one another, God’s mercy will
❃
not reach our hearts. (CCC 2838-2945,
2862) This section of the Catechism
states succinctly what this week’s lesson
is all about. Just as we need God’s
forgiveness and mercy we are required to
dispense without limit to others.
The first set of questions scratch the
surface of repentance and reconciliation.
It’s a good time to talk about “walking
the walk” instead of “talking the talk.
More than ever words are losing their
meaning. Just look what has happened
to “love.” How many times have we said
“sorry” or “my bad” just in passing? Do
we mean what we say or do the words
just fall out of our mouths as a rote
response to a misstep?
The second set dives into the Sacrament
of Reconciliation. What is it all
about? Why do we need it? It’s also a
great moment to seriously discuss “going
through the motions” rather than letting
the process of reconciliation transform
you. It is a healing and can be powerful
if you let it. ✾

❃
Movie Clip
Hook
When Capt. Hook
kidnaps his children, an
adult Peter Pan must return
to Neverland and
reclaim his youthful
spirit in order to challenge
his old enemy. In
this scene, Peter is trying to remember
how to fly.
The King’s Message
“Did you see…?”
Did you see how Peter’s past
experiences were holding him back? Did
you notice how once he embraced the
truth, remembered his vocation—his
purpose—that he became the man he
was meant to be?
“It’s a lot like…”
You know why I, and all of you, can
relate to that? Because we are just like
that. God gives us life, gives us Himself.
He promises us that if we turn from
Him, we will never have the joy and the
fullness of life that He planned for us.
Yet we still run after other gods—sports,
school, boys, things, clothes, popularity.
We enslave ourselves to hours on the
internet and then complain about not
enough time for prayer. We live our own
life apart from Him and then wonder
why, when all is still and quiet, we are
empty, alone, and sad. He gave us our
life. He said to remain in His hands, but
we don’t. We must return to Him and
December 16
The charitable daughter loves God with all her heart.
not just some of our life, all of it. On
our own we are incomplete.
“This is for you…”
No matter where you are in your
life, there is something that you are
holding onto. There are things you have
not given Him. I have given Him my
life over and over, and each time there
are new things that I see more clearly,
and then I have to give that to Him
too. It is all about trust. He asks us to
turn our life over to Him completely,
but we choose not too. The reason we
choose not to is because we think we
have better ideas. Maybe we are holding
ourselves back out of fear or the need
to be in control. Tonight, we switch to
the virtue of Charity, which is the kind
of love God calls us to. He has given
everything, even His son. What this
is is love—He has given us love. Now
love is a thing that is received and then
returned. He has a love that is only for
you, and you have a love that is only
for Him—no one else can give it. The
charitable daughter loves God with her
whole heart. Once you have embraced
that, you can fly.
Squad Time
For God’s love to be fruitful in
our life, it must be returned to Him.
Theologians refer to this as the exitus and
reditus of God; what goes forth returns
back to Him; the seed is sown and the
plant grows. To not love God is to not
allow the seed to grow. If we let it, it
will. If we suppress it, it will not grow.
❃
This is critical to understanding this
point: the gift has been given to us and
we are merely returning it in kind to
the Giver. Like at the Mass, God has
provided the sacrifice (His Son) and we
are merely re-presenting that gift back
to Him. Our life is from God, and we
give it back to Him in charity.
This is charity. To give one’s life
completely. The questions help us to see
and define love (help may be needed
here, but don’t dwell to long) but the
second set helps us to see that it is only
us that can suppress the cry, “Abba!
Father!” Just as Peter Pan was allowing
all his past fear and hurt keep him from
being able to fly, we let our “junk” get in
the way. Our “junk” keeps us from seeing
the needs of the poor, from seeking
justice for innocent, from championing
peace in our world.Together we can
change and by supporting each other we
can change permanently. ✾

❃
Movie Clip
Secret Millionaire
In this Fox show,
wealthy benefactors go
undercover in the most
deprived neighbourhoods
of the United
States. For one week,
the millionaires mingle
within the community and live on a
very low-cost budget; this the very first
time doing so for many of them. At the
end of the show, the millionaires reveal
their identities and make monetary
donations to the communities. In this
clip, the millionaire is volunteering with
a homeless clothing exchange group.
The King’s Message
“Did you see…?”
Did you see that man give away the
shoes right off his feet without a second
thought? Did you see the reactions
of not only the homeless man who
received the shoes but the observers?
“It’s a lot like…”
I don’t know that I have ever had
the opportunity to truly give the shoes
off my own feet to a stranger in need. It
is a love of neighbor that I envy. But, in
my own small way I hope like I sacrifice
for others in a similar way—from letting
my sisters borrow my stuff without
complaint to helping a friend in crisis.
The important thing is seeing someone
else’s need, whatever it is and having
the means to help, you do it, without
hesitation or concern for yourself.
“This is for you…”
This is the heart of service, and this is
for you. There comes a time when you
have to stop thinking, “What can I get
December 23
The charitable daughter serves others.
out of things?” Fidelis is an example.
Do you come here to be entertained?
Do you put down others when you feel
vulnerable? Do you complain about this
and that? If you do, forgive me, because
I must have not modeled service well.
What I, and you, are called to here
is service. Last week we talked about
giving our whole lives to God. When
we do that, He calls us to serve others.
This is how Jesus summed everything
up: love God and love neighbor. Ask
yourselves, in this moment, here at
Fidelis, would an observer see you
serving and loving others or only
yourself? What about at school? Do you
love each and every person? Of course
the answer is no for all of us, but we
have to ask God to help open our eyes
to those around us.
Squad Time
We are busy people who live
behind screens much of our life. The
result is that we don’t come in regular
and meaningful contact with people.
When we don’t have this contact, we
conceptualize people—we make a
caricature of them in our minds and
then when we see them we interact with
the caricature and sometimes miss the
actual person.
This may seem to not relate to the
lesson (serving others), but in reality it
is essential. For example, many people
make a caricature of the poor. They are
lazy leeches on society. They live off the
dole of others and wallow in their own
filth. Now, setting aside the fact that
poverty is much more complicated than
“some are lazy and some work hard,”
we have to answer: is this compatible
with the teachings of Christ? He plainly
said that if you do not serve Him in the
poor you will not enter the Kingdom
❃
(Matthew 26:31-46). Beware the
Christian community that does not
serve the poor! It is dangerous. Yet,
just before this call to serve the poor
in Matthew 26, Jesus tells the parable
of the lazy steward. We like to apply
stereotypes of laziness to the poor, but
the parable is for us, since it is we who
claim the noble name of Christian. Our
laziness could be not serving the poor
because they are lazy.
Thus we see the need to see. We
must, like Bl. Mother Theresa, see those
whom we are called to serve. We must
look with compassion and mercy on
them. We must build friendships with
them, as True Mentors are called to do.
The lesson first asks us to examine the
Blessed Mother’s example of service.
Her complete surrender of will and acceptance
of servanthood is unparallelled.
Make sure to discuss solid and concrete
examples of Marian service for everyday
life. The second set anchors the reality
of God’s choice to serve us. His mercy
and love is not an obligation, it is freely
given. From this benevolence springs
our responsibility to “pay it forward.”
It is what we were made for so what
prevents our service or our ability to see
others’ needs? How can we change that?
As Ladies, we cannot for a moment
pretend that we can teach this lesson
until we learn it. “Religion that is pure
and undefiled before God and the Father
is this: to visit orphans and widows
in their affliction, and to keep oneself
unstained from the world” (James 1:27).
Thus, serve the girls—especially when
you don’t want to. Let them see this
lesson in your life, because the charitable
daughter serves others. ✾

❃
Movie Clip
Spanglish
A woman and her
daughter emigrate from
Mexico for a better life
in America, where they
start working for a family
where the patriarch
is a newly celebrated
chef with an insecure wife. In this scene,
Flor has left her position with the family
and is taking her daughter out of private
school after seeing the negative effects
that this affluent community has had on
her family.
The King’s Message
“Did you see…?”
Did you see the mother remain
calm in the midst of her daughter’s
tirade?
“It’s a lot like…”
It’s a lot like anytime things don’t
go the way we want them to. Honestly,
how many times has something bad
happened and you throw your fists up
to God and scream, “why me?!” We can
get swept up in the moment and react
wildly, picture any two year old with
a monster sweet tooth in the grocery
store candy aisle. This child will scream
bloody murder to get what they want
and when the mother, gently and wisely
declines, it only gets worse. She knows
lunchtime is fast approaching and that
too much sugar won’t let the little one
be able to take a good nap. But the
screaming child thinks of none of this.
Even as adults we can behave this way,
maybe not on the floor of the candy
aisle, but irrationally and accusatory
all the same. Our parents and mentors
know what they are doing and we
would do well to trust them with our
well being.
“This is for you…”
Life is never constant, it is always
December 30
The charitable daughter is responsible and obedient.
changing. Who you are and what you
know grows as the years pass. Sisters,
I urge you to keep a charitable heart
and when life throws you a curve ball,
you accept it with grace and take your
swing anyway. The worries and concern
you have right now will fade. Do you
remember your struggles from when
you were 5? 10? Senior sisters, what was
your biggest drama when you were 13?
Do some of your concerns seem silly
now? You have guides, parents, mentors
in your life who love you and want to
help you. They were all 13 once and
know what it’s like growing up. Actively
seek advice and trust they only want
what’s best for you.
Squad Time
Obedience is very difficult. Last
week we spoke about it in terms of God,
which perhaps sounds easier (though
it isn’t), but this week we bring up
obedience in general. We Americans like
to pretend that we are obedient to no
one, but that is silly. We are obedient
to the call to taxes, the law, and more
noble things like parents and mentors. If
each person did only what they thought
they should do and never took in the
council of others, how maddening this
world would be! God knows that we live
in the world, thus He gives us guides to
direct our path. He does not expect us
to simply read books and be on our own
in the spiritual life, but eagerly connects
us with guides. Once found, we must be
obedient to them.
The lesson points to the fact that
God has given us authority, whether
we like it or not. He has called us to
obedience. This is true in the case of
parents, the Church, and even secular
authority (1 Peter 2:13-17). In fact,
Thomas Aquinas teaches us that the sole
reason we believe or fulfill anything is
because we trust the authority. Doctors
say that vegetables are good, so we eat
❃
them even if they don’t taste that way.
Our history teacher tells us that George
Washington was the first US President,
but we were not there, so how do we
know? Because the teacher, like many
other positions, is one of authority. We
obey those in authority. Naturally, this
has many levels, but its a principle that
prideful person tends to forget.
The second half of tonight’s lesson
speaks specifically about parents.
It is important to watch that it doesn’t
become a complaint driven “my parents
are so awful” conversation. The important
thing is to convey that parents
come from a place of love beyond what
our younger selves could understand.
To love your father or mother through a
month long grounding seems herculean
at 12. It is easy to love only when they
take us shopping or bring us chicken
soup, to see that same love when we are
being punished is hard. We need others
to tell us what we are doing wrong. This
is a critical piece of the spiritual life
that many of us skip over, but it is true
nonetheless. We need correction. Monastic
life, the foundation and picture
of community life in the Church, has
correction as a central element of the
monk’s life. Holy people long for correction,
because our own vision can be so
blind to our own faults. As we continue
on the virtue of charity, we must remind
ourselves again that it is love that drives
us to be obedient and responsible.
Someone who serves her family out of
love will have a better relationship with
the family than another who serves just
because she has to, she does it begrudgingly.
Like Therese (the Little Flower),
we must learn that in fulfilling these
small duties, we show great love. ✾