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Pass<strong>in</strong>g your driv<strong>in</strong>g test is the most<br />
symbolic rite of passage young adults<br />
are afforded. There’s no guarantee<br />
you’ll lose your virg<strong>in</strong>ity <strong>in</strong> your late<br />
teens, and the one th<strong>in</strong>g you can say<br />
about anyone who walked <strong>in</strong>to a pub for the<br />
first time on their 18th birthday is they couldn’t<br />
have been that bothered about go<strong>in</strong>g to the pub.<br />
True, atta<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g your majority does earn you the<br />
right to help choose who will be the next selfserv<strong>in</strong>g,<br />
narcissistic <strong>in</strong>competent to wreck the<br />
country, but that’s hardly someth<strong>in</strong>g to look<br />
forward to; but the moment I ripped up my Lplates<br />
was the first time <strong>in</strong> my life I felt free of<br />
the shackles of childhood, free to go where I<br />
wanted and with whom I chose.<br />
In theory at least. Like almost all teenagers<br />
lucky enough to achieve <strong>in</strong>dependent mobility,<br />
my liberation was curtailed somewhat by the<br />
motley assortment of loosely assembled<br />
wreckage I was forced to drive. Love to ride off<br />
<strong>in</strong>to the sunset though I would, a rusty Fiat 126<br />
acquired free of charge and rendered almost<br />
un<strong>in</strong>habitable because its former owner had<br />
upset a p<strong>in</strong>t of cream over the upholstery, was<br />
not a suitable conveyance. In theory it was my<br />
ticket to ride and my fast track to girls; <strong>in</strong><br />
practice it should have been condemned.<br />
Desperate to f<strong>in</strong>d someth<strong>in</strong>g to take my m<strong>in</strong>d<br />
off the thought and smell of several billion subdivid<strong>in</strong>g<br />
lactobacillae colonis<strong>in</strong>g my back seat,<br />
and with a radio that had long ago given up the<br />
struggle to broadcast anyth<strong>in</strong>g other than white<br />
noise, I used to idle away the hours dream<strong>in</strong>g<br />
up my ideal car. Assiduously I’d calculate its<br />
weight and power, its torque characteristics, its<br />
eng<strong>in</strong>e location and exterior dimensions before<br />
realis<strong>in</strong>g that, yet aga<strong>in</strong> and without conscious<br />
effort, I’d designed a 911.<br />
The proposition seemed unarguable. The<br />
sheer sense of plac<strong>in</strong>g a flat formation eng<strong>in</strong>e <strong>in</strong><br />
the boot made me wonder why all cars weren’t<br />
built that way. You got the <strong>in</strong>terior space you<br />
needed, massive traction, a low centre of<br />
gravity, light and unadulterated steer<strong>in</strong>g and<br />
huge sav<strong>in</strong>gs <strong>in</strong> weight and mechanical<br />
complexity by obviat<strong>in</strong>g the need to direct the<br />
power from where it was usually created <strong>in</strong> the<br />
front of the car, to where it was needed <strong>in</strong> the<br />
back. The one and only th<strong>in</strong>g that Fiat had<br />
go<strong>in</strong>g for it was that it, too, was a rear-eng<strong>in</strong>ed,<br />
rear driver and noth<strong>in</strong>g, not even when that<br />
configuration jo<strong>in</strong>ed forces with my <strong>in</strong>eptness<br />
and contrived to sp<strong>in</strong> us both <strong>in</strong>to a tractor<br />
(with fatal consequences for the Fiat but,<br />
happily, not me) could dissuade me from the<br />
efficacy of the layout.<br />
Ever s<strong>in</strong>ce I have kept the vision of my perfect<br />
car, my perfect 911 as it turns out, <strong>in</strong> my head.<br />
<strong>Porsche</strong> has come close to it on many occasions<br />
but the early cars lack the low down grunt to<br />
fit the picture as neatly as I would like, while<br />
later models are too wide, too bl<strong>in</strong>g and<br />
<strong>in</strong>sufficiently attractive to truly realise my vision.<br />
What was needed was a discreet, narrow-bodied<br />
48 WWW.GTPURELYPORSCHE.COM<br />
‘Only’ 300bhp, huh? In a car<br />
weigh<strong>in</strong>g about the same as<br />
a water biscuit. It is safe to<br />
say my <strong>in</strong>terest was captured<br />
<strong>Tuthill</strong> 911<br />
MARCH 2009 49