Program (PDF) - FASS Theatre Company - University of Waterloo

WARNING: SPECIAL ACCESS REQUIRED
CONFIDENTIAL
INFORMATION
File Name:
Live FASS, Die Tomorrow
FACULTY ALUMNI STAFF & STUDENTS ★ THEATRE COMPANY ★
Faculty Alumni Staff & Students
File No.:
2009
WARNING: SPECIAL ACCESS REQUIRED
The FASS Theatre Company proudly presents
FASS 2009:
LIVE FASS,
DIE TOMORROW
top secret
February 5, 6, and 7, 2009
Humanities Theatre
University of Waterloo
Faculty Alumni Staff & Students

CLASSIFICATION: TOP SECRET BANANARAMA
Message from the President
To those who are new, welcome! To those who are returning, welcome
back! To everyone else, this is redacted!
I’m very excited about this year’s show. We’re trying some things
we’ve never done before, and of course some long-standing traditions.
The cast and crew and entire production team have come together
to create an amazing show and we can’t wait to show you the
fruits of our labour. We’ve been “Living FASS” for a month, so you
can “Live FASS, Die Tomorrow.”
There are hundreds of people I could thank for making this production
(and the entire year of FASS events) as awesome as they are,
but I only have a few words left. Every act performed at our Orientation
week event, every improv game played for the kids at Canada
day, every word written, prop constructed, cardboard box painted,
line memorized, dance move performed, note sung, and costume donned
was done with love and more lovely love. We hope you love it too!
Diana Chisholm, President, FASS 2009
Message from the Director
Ah, another year, another FASS. This is my 8th FASS but my first
as director. It has been a pleasure and an honour to be directing
this year’s show. I’m very excited about the script our writers
have put together, and we have an awesome cast and crew who have
spent the past month putting it all together.
One of the things I have always loved about this show is that every
year is a new dynamic. The lines change, the actors change,
the songs change, the sets change... but the spirit of the show is
always the same: the enthusiasm, the commitment, the energy... and
the fun! This is what keeps drawing me back year after year.
Big thank yous go to our stage manager Stacey and our ASMs Amanda,
Jessica and Joanna: they’ve put in a lot of work and being able to
put up with me for three straight weeks is not an easy task. And
as always, a big hand goes out to the cast, the band and the tech
crew for all their hard work.
We have a fantastic show with a fantastic cast. Enjoy! MUWHAHAHA!
Brian “Latrell” Fox, Director, FASS 2009
CLASSIFICATION: TOP SECRET BANANARAMA
1-0: Tai Bo?
Opening Song
FOR YOUR EYES AND NOSE ONLY
Dick -
Has this “FASS”
got any WMDs?
- George
Dr. Nefarious . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Radwa Auda
Eve S. Drop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Arianne Villa
Y. Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joseph Chan
Rhett Shirt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Will Russell
Tex Spendable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hamish Paterson
Sue Perfluous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Christine Nanteza
Voice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joanna Fawcett
Henchmen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Polly Edwards and Selina Saba
“GoldFASSie”
(to “Goldfinger” by Shirley Bassey)
Solo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jennifer Vorano
1-1: No More Cookies? Nooooooo...
Bea Reaved . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Betty Li
Dez Skies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lukas Matthews
Jack (“James”) Hass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick Cort
Lex Dyslia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kevin Bazin
Y. Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joseph Chan
Tre Hugger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Keriece Harris
Yuri Nitwit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Josh Hoey
1-2: No Pirates
Clora Form . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Selina Saba
Lex Dyslia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kevin Bazin
Q . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alexander Huynh
Tre Hugger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Keriece Harris
Tor Turous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Jackson-Brown
U-Turn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Bui
“I Like Spy Toys”
(to “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” by DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh
Prince and “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-a-Lot)
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alexander Huynh and David Bui
FOR YOUR EYES AND NOSE ONLY

SECURITY CLEARANCE: NINJA
Vignette 1: Stop cooking with cheese
Cate R. Ng . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alicia Mah
Mark Tini . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jackson Moores
Old Crone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Judy Wubnig
Ted Keela . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kevin Hong
1-3: Six Faculties... Eight Representatives
Professor Al Gore-Ithm . . . . . . . . . . . Chris Hutten-Czapski
Professor Artemis Snobb . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anna Kreider
Professor Constance Payne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Magda Karski
Professor Kimmy C. Ology . . . . . . . . . . . Alice Pfeifer Hanov
Professor Moe Bius . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Danielle Alessio
Professor I. Ron Ring . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Steve Hanov
Professor Sass Tainable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lisa Hagen
Professor Tess Tube . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carrie Knoll
“Part of Your Faculty”
(to “Part of Your World” by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman)
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anna Kreider
1-4: Big Red Buttons
Bernie Burns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nick Bowler
Cruella Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Diana Chisholm
Dawn Snow Underwear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jenny Hunter
Johnny Deep . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Aidan Hanly
Faye Lure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anne You
Nic E. Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gavin Craig
Noah Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Gibbs
Rex Plosion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stuart MacGillivray
Stu Dent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jordan Lapointe
Professor Leander Thall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Chan
“Mom & Dad”
(to “Bad Hourse Chorus (Reprise)” by Jed and Joss Whedon)
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Diana Chisholm and Peter Gibbs
SECURITY CLEARANCE: NINJA
THIS PROGRAMME WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 10 SECONDS
1-5: The Pompitous of Love
Bernie Burns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nick Bowler
Dr. Nefarious . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Radwa Auda
Dr. Terrifically Unpleasant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tallen Kay
Eve S. Drop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Arianne Villa
Faye Lure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anne You
Ivana Screw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kimberly Mitchell
Nic E. Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gavin Craig
Y. Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joseph Chan
Mr. Maurice Right . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ian Thompson
Vignette 2: Spy vs. Mac
Mac . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Trevor Horman
Dee R. Em . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Clare Park
1-6: Tango de la Humorismo
Dr. Nefarious . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Radwa Auda
Dr. Terrifically Unpleasant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tallen Kay
Dr. When . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Aidan Hanly
Harry Mata . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brian Gashgarian
Fleur Tacious . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Diana Chisholm
Ivana Screw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kimberly Mitchell
Jay Bourne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tony Wolf
Juan Card . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gilad Israeli
Poppa Wheelie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jackson Moores
Mr. Maurice Right . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ian Thompson
Sal Loon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Hajdarpasic
Sue Perfluous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Christine Nanteza
Tex Spendable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hamish Paterson
Hostess . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anne You
Tangoers . . . . Jennefer Barua, Leah Blechschmidt, Wes Campaigne,
. . . . . . . Nigel Camps, David Chan, Diana Chisholm, Lisa Hagen,
. . . . . Aidan Hanly, Mark Jackson-Brown, Betty Li, Jason Neudorf,
. . . . . . . . . Clare Park, Dustin Windibank, and Erin Windibank
THIS PROGRAMME WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 10 SECONDS

NOT RELEASABLE TO LAURIER STUDENTS
1-7: If a Ninja Falls in the Forest...
Professor Al Gore-Ithm . . . . . . . . . . . Chris Hutten-Czapski
Professor Kimmy C. Ology . . . . . . . . . . . Alice Pfeifer Hanov
Professor Moe Bius . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Danielle Alessio
Professor I. Ron Ring . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Steve Hanov
Professor Sass Tainable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lisa Hagen
Professor Tess Tube . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carrie Knoll
Dez Skies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lukas Matthews
Ninja . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Khary Alexander
Vignette 3: Choking the Chicken
François LaPita . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anne You
Ivana Screw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kimberly Mitchell
Mr. Maurice Right . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ian Thompson
1-8: Who Keeps Doing That?
Chesty LaRue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Leah Blechschmidt
Clora Form . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Selina Saba
Cody Banks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Gibbs
Dom Stockholm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick O’Flaherty Aviles
Harry Mata . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brian Gashgarian
Jay Bourne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tony Wolf
Monty Banks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mike Elg
Snow Banks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Emily Schooley
Trenchy McCoat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nick Bowler
Tully Mark Ater . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Heather MacDonald
Professor Constance Payne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Magda Karski
Professor Sass Tainable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lisa Hagen
NOT RELEASABLE TO LAURIER STUDENTS
1-9: I Love to Torture...
Professor Al Gore-Ithm . . . . . . . . . . . Chris Hutten-Czapski
Professor Artemis Snobb . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anna Kreider
Chesty LaRue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Leah Blechschmidt
Clora Form . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Selina Saba
Cody Banks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Gibbs
Professor Constance Payne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Magda Karski
Dom Stockholm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick O’Flaherty Aviles
Professor Kimmy C. Ology . . . . . . . . . . . Alice Pfeifer Hanov
Max Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Karl Zaryski
Professor Moe Bius . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Danielle Alessio
Nic E. Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gavin Craig
Phil Ange . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Chan
Professor I. Ron Ring . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Steve Hanov
Professor Sass Tainable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lisa Hagen
Professor Tess Tube . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carrie Knoll
Tor Turous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Jackson-Brown
Tully Mark Ater . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Heather MacDonald
Clown . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jennefer Barua
“Torture Fool”
(to “Love Fool” by the Cardigans)
. . . . . . Heather MacDonald, Leah Blechschmidt, and Carrie Knoll
“The University is Awesome”
(to “The World is Awesome” by the Discovery Channel)
Intermission
FOR HUMOROUS USE ONLY
Vignette 4: Think of the Children
Snow Banks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Emily Schooley
Tor Turous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Jackson-Brown
FOR HUMOROUS USE ONLY
FASS = violation of
Geneva conventions?

2-1: HenchPersons?
LICENCE TO PUN
Hard Place . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Will Russell
Hugh Mann . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alex Leong
Lea Darre . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Katherine Rojo
Libby Rayton-Front . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Diana Chisholm
Chairman Meow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Jackson-Brown
Miss SueHer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Meghan Feeney
Rock . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chris Hutten-Czapski
Smooth Salin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Trevor Horman
Voice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Elyot Grant
Extra HenchCOM . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick Cort and Brian Ellis
“Somebody to Kill?”
(to “Somebody to Love” by Queen)
Solo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Trevor Horman
Chorus . . . . . . Leeanna Caligagan, Abram Chan, Diana Chisholm,
. . . . . . Gavin Craig, Aidan Hanly, Jenny Hunter, Carrie Knoll,
. . Anna Kreider, Betty Li, Heather MacDonald, Stuart MacGillivray,
. . . . Selina Saba, Matthew Thorne, Russell Wong, and Karl Zaryski
Vignette 5: No Cigarette?
Ivana Screw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kimberly Mitchell
Mr. Maurice Right . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ian Thompson
2-2: Cookies and Pens
Carlos Chacal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nigel Camps
Chip Salin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Matthew Thorne
Dez Skies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lukas Matthews
Professor Dick Shun . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wes Campaigne
Don Jovi . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Abram Chan
Ninja . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Khary Alexander
Parah Salin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Emily Brame
Rex Plosion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stuart MacGillivray
Ninjas . . . . . . . . . . . Alexander Huynh and Maryam Nasirpour
Vignette 6: Spy vs. PC
PC . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gavin Craig
Dee R. Em . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Clare Park
LICENCE TO PUN
TO DO: Leak to
Soviet agents
MISSION: IMFASSIBLE
2-3: When I Close My Eyes, I’m Invisible
Professor Cam O’Flage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Colin Oliver
Carmen San Francisco . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jennifer Vorano
Dawn Snow Underwear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jenny Hunter
Jack (“James”) Hass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick Cort
Max Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Karl Zaryski
Mo Stafa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Duff
Phil Ange . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Chan
Missy Shef . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Judy Wubnig
“Where on the Campus is Carmen San Francisco?”
(to “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego” by Rockapella)
FASSapella . . . . . . . . . . . Carrie Knoll, Christine Nanteza,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Selina Saba, and Russell Wong
MISSION: IMFASSIBLE
Check 6 th floor of MC

I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE SOMETHING THAT IS RED
2-4: The Spirit of Meh Whatever
Billy Gloat-Spendable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lukas Matthews
Madeline . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Polly Edwards
Sue Perfluous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Christine Nanteza
Susie Cue-Perfluous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jennefer Barua
Tex Spendable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hamish Paterson
Tammy Horton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Amanda TK
Rex Plosion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stuart MacGillivray
“Henchmanly Things”
(to “My Favourite Things” by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein
II)
. . . Jennefer Barua, Polly Edwards, Lukas Matthews, and Amanda TK
Vignette 7: Wow
Vince . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jackson Moores
Dr. Terrifically Unpleasant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tallen Kay
Who Killed JFK? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jimmy Hoffa
2-5: Muhahahaha
What an innovative slogan!
Johnny Deep . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Aidan Hanly
Professor Manny A. Call . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rob LeGood
Mo Stafa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Duff
Nic E. Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gavin Craig
Penny R. Cade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sarah Pidcock
Q . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alexander Huynh
U-Turn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Bui
Little Green Men . . . . . . . . . Polly Edwards, Keriece Harris,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lisa Mssaro, and Bettina Xue
“OSAP”
(to “Bad Horse Chorus” by Jed and Joss Whedon)
. . . . . . . . . . Danielle Alessio, Diana Chisholm, and Anne You
(IT’S THE CURTAIN)
THIS PROGRAMME WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 20 SECONDS
2-6: Only a Flesh Wound
Ben Dover . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stuart McGillivray
Professor Dick Shun . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wes Campaigne
Jay Bourne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tony Wolf
Luke E. Mia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brian Ellis
Scotty McScotterson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Amos Boratto
Yuri Nitwit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Josh Hoey
Vignette 8: I am a Henchman
Guard Number 14 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jenn Annis
2-7: On a Stick!
Hugh Mann . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alex Leong
Hard Place . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Will Russell
Libby Rayton-Front . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Diana Chisholm
Chairman Meow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Jackson-Brown
Miss SueHer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Meghan Feeney
Rock . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chris Hutten-Czapski
Smooth Salin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Trevor Horman
Guard Number 14 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jenn Annis
Vignette 9: DD-DA
Anita Frisk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Christa Brown
Billy Club . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kevin Hong
A Gentleman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Gibbs
Ivana Screw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kimberly Mitchell
THIS PROGRAMME WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 20 SECONDS

DOUBLY-ENCRYPTED WITH ROT-13 FOR EXTRA SECURITY
2-8: Everybody Loses!
Annie Posy Bull . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lukas Matthews
Professor Cam O’Flage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Colin Oliver
Dawn Snow Underwear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jenny Hunter
Johnny Deep . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Aidan Hanly
Deuce X. Machina . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Erin Windibank
Ivana Screw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kimberly Mitchell
Jack (“James”) Hass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick Cort
Professor Kimmy C. Ology . . . . . . . . . . . Alice Pfeifer Hanov
Poppa Wheelie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jackson Moores
Mr. Maurice Right . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ian Thompson
Tre Hugger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Keriece Harris
Voice from the Pit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dustin Windibank
Professor Al Gore-Ithm . . . . . . . . . . . Chris Hutten-Czapski
Professor Artemis Snobb . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anna Kreider
Professor Constance Payne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Magda Karski
Dr. Nefarious . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Radwa Auda
Dr. Terrifically Unpleasant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tallen Kay
Fashionistas . . . . . . . . . . . Katherine Rojo and Bettina Xue
Professor Moe Bius . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Danielle Alessio
Professor I. Ron Ring . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Steve Hanov
Professor Tess Tube . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carrie Knoll
“The Guy For You”
(to “Summer Nights” by Jim Jacobs and Warren Casey)
. . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick Cort, Jenny Hunter, and Aidan Hanly
Closing
“Closing is Awesome”
(to “The World is Awesome” by the Discovery Channel)
“Our Last Song”
(to “Hot’n’Cold” by Katy Perry)
DOUBLY-ENCRYPTED WITH ROT-13 FOR EXTRA SECURITY
SHRED EYEBALLS AFTER READING
Creative Staff
Director. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brian “Latrell” Fox
Music Director . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Russell Wong
Stage Manager . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stacey Saunders
Assistant Stage Managers . . . . Joanna Fawcett, Jessica Koteles,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and Amanda Kraft
Choreographer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bettina Xue
Stage Fighting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Will Russell
Technical Director . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maryam Nasirpour
Writers
Chief Script Writer . . . . . . . . . . . Stephen Snuggles Skrzydlo
Writers . . . . . . Khary Alexander, Robert Burke, Diana Chisholm,
. . . Michael Davenport, Gaelen D’Costa, Michaelangelo Finistauri,
. . . . . . . . Brian “Latrell” Fox, Anna Kreider, Lukas Matthews,
. . . Colin Oliver, Sarah Pidcock, Lana Sheridan, and Karl Zaryski
Thanks to . . . . . . . . Gavin Craig, Kaitlyn Demasi, Lino Demasi,
. . . . . . . . . . . Gilad Israeli, Joscelyn Kleingeld, Josh Hoey,
. . . . . . . . . . Maryam Nasirpour, Stacey Saunders, Craig Sloss,
. . . . . . . . Nadia V. Ursacki, Arsenyk Ustaris, and Russell Wong
Production
Producer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nadia V. Ursacki
Poster and T-shirt Design . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anna Kreider
Programme . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Douglas Stebila
Poster and Programme Printing . . . . . . . . UW Graphics Services
Poster Run . . . . . . Federation of Students and FASS Cast & Crew
T-shirt Printing . . . . . . . . . . . Trade Screens Printing Ltd.
Thanks to all those who helped promote FASS by putting up posters.
Musicians (“Chug Monkeys V: Chuckie’s Back”)
Music Director. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Russell Wong
Vocal Coaches . . . . . . . . . . . Diana Chisholm and Russell Wong
Piano / Keyboard . . . . . . . . . . . . . Polly Edwards, Mike Elg,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carrie Nixon, and Erin Windibank
Guitar . . . . . . . . . . . Brian Gashgarian and Dustin Windibank
Bass Guitar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chuck McPhail
Drums . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mike Elg and Rob LeGood
Clarinet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Douglas Stebila
Flute . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Erin Windibank
Turntable and Mixing; Band Sound Technician . . . . Albert O’Connor
Midisax . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Russell Wong
SHRED EYEBALLS AFTER READING

THE SECRET WORDS ARE SQUEAMISH OSSIFRAGE
Tech Crew
Technical Director. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maryam Nasirpour
Lighting. . . . . . . . . Morag Clark-Heptinstall and Lisa Massaro
Sound . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jim Peltier and Elyot Grant
Flies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Christa Brown and Adam Bertrand
Follow Spot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lisa Massaro and Amanda TK
Props . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jenn Annis and Alice Pfeifer Hanov
Costumes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Aysha Edathodu
Make-up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Radwa Auda and Sarah Kutcher
Key Grip . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Angela Yeates
Grips . . Jenn Annis, Ann Buchanan, Shiue Lin Pang, Jason Neudorf,
. . . . . . . . Hamish Paterson, Arsenyk Ustaris, and Angela Yeates
Builders . . . . . . Jordis Abrahamson, Jenn Annis, Adam Bertrand,
. . . . . Rachelle Boisjoli, Ann Buchanan, Morag Clark-Heptinstall,
. . . . . . Michael L. Davenport, Mark Jackson-Brown, Magda Karski,
. . . . Kate Kennedy, Shiue Lin Pang, Lisa Massaro, Lukas Matthews,
. Jason Neudorf, Albert O’Connor, Jim Peltier, and Leander Quiring
Painters . . Jordis Abrahamson, Adam Bertrand, Rachelle Boisjoli,
. . . . . . Ann Buchanan, Diana Chisholm, Morag Clark-Heptinstall,
. . . . . . . . . Aysha Edathodu, Steve Hanov, Mark Jackson-Brown,
. . . . . . . . . . Kate Kennedy, Jessica Koteles, Shiue Lin Pang,
. . . . . . . . . . . Magda Karski, Lisa Massaro, Albert O’Connor,
. . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick O’Flaherty Aviles, and Jim Peltier
UW Theatre Centre
Director of Theatre Operations . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Carette
Front of House Manager . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nadia V. Ursacki
Thanks
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Metro Karges Appliances and Bates Maytag for cardboard
St. George’s of Forest Hill Anglican Church for lending us
choir robes
Re-use Store, Bolton, for lending us props
Student Life Centre for lending us chairs and couches
Ron Eydt Village for lending us the bed
Amos Boratto and KWLT for lending us the bar
Rose and Henry at the Grad House for meeting space
Donna Schell for booking all of our rehearsal rooms
Tom Galloway from Plant Operations for custodial uniforms
Peter Carette, Nadia V. Ursacki, and the UW Humanities Theatre
Our cameos: Joe West; Heather Fitzgerald; Andrew Falcao; and
Marios Ioannidis
THE SECRET WORDS ARE SQUEAMISH OSSIFRAGE
FASS 2009 Committee
About FASS
FASS WILL RETURN...
President . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Diana Chisholm
Vice President. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Khary Alexander
Producer. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nadia V. Ursacki
Treasurer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Karl Zaryski
Secretary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joanna Fawcett
Chief Script Writer . . . . . . . . . . . Stephen Snuggles Skrzydlo
Director. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brian “Latrell” Fox
Technical Director. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maryam Nasirpour
Stage Manager . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stacey Saunders
Representatives . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick Cort, Gilad Israeli,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Jackson-Brown, and Anna Kreider
Nuclear Weapons Specialist . . . . . . . . . . . Aren’t you smart?
Past President. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Albert O’Connor
Past Producer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robert Burke
Past Director . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Russell Wong
Past Technical Director . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mo Musbah
Past Chief Script Writer. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lana Sheridan
The FASS Theatre Company is serious about having fun – we’re a live
cartoon on stage! We’ve been entertaining UW with musical comedy
since 1962. While the most fun occurs in January when over 100
cast and crew rehearse and prepare the show just in time for February,
you can join us at other times to get involved.
Applications for the positions of Director, Technical Director,
Chief Script Writer, Producer, and Treasurer are due in late February.
To get more information on becoming a part of the show, check
out our website at
http://www.fass.uwaterloo.ca
and be sure to attend our Annual General Meeting in March. For
more information, contact us by email at info@fass.uwaterloo.ca.
Faculty Alumni Staff & Students
www.fass.uwaterloo.ca
FASS WILL RETURN...
Regime change?