Psychosocial Notebook - IOM Publications - International ...

Psychosocial Notebook, Volume 2, October 2001
It was the realization of such danger, the impossibility of denying reality
any longer, that determined the time of the interviewees’ escape. In the survivors’
narrations, a person’s life was perceived to be in danger either
because of direct threat (by armed individuals or bombing), because of the
death of a known person (a family member, a friend or a neighbour), or
because of the number of dead bodies in the streets:
The Serbs were coming down from the mountains and shooting, so there
were dead people left [on the ground]. [Gezim]
A boy, a friend of my sister [was killed]… then they massacred two
nephews of my aunt: they had gone to the mountain to get wood. We didn’t
know where they were: disappeared. For a week nobody knew where
they were. Then some people went out to look for them, always with the
fear that, if discovered, they could be massacred too. They found them:
not the bodies, just the skeletons full of worms. [Ajsa]
They massacred a woman in my uncle’s family. Then his son. Then the
son of my husband’s friend. We had a lot [of death] in the village…. I
saw a lot of violent acts… Since they had been massacred, after a week
or two we dug a hole and put them inside… just not to leave them on the
ground… Even my aunt’s boyfriend was killed – there was no funeral.
[Violça]
They broke in the house, wanting to kill everybody. But we ran away. My
mother remained and they killed her. [Arta]
Albanians were my friends, we ate together, we worked together. They
killed my brother and my wife and almost massacred me. [Dritan]
Death-related thoughts are ever present amongst refugees because of their
traumatic experiences, because of the number of dead they have seen,
because they had to escape in order to save their lives. I would like to conclude
this section with discussion of the desire to die at home, which arose
from the words of a woman and mother of already grown sons.
What I feel as heavy is: if tomorrow I die, I die here and maybe I stay
here. This is really heavy for me. My family is there and I want to be with
them, there. …Then I think, if I die here in Italy I stay here, and this is
not my land… What can I do, if tomorrow I die? Where will they put me?
If something happens to me, I have faith that my children will not let me
be left here. [Blerta]
In Blerta’s statement, what emerged most clearly was a feeling of suspension:
the survivors’ condition, between life and death, pain and hope, a
condition which clashed with the strong connection they felt between their
body and their land, and with the desire to be reunited with that land, in
life or in death.
181