Psychosocial Notebook - IOM Publications - International ...

Chapter 5 • Giuseppe De Sario, Laura Corradi, Patricia Ruiz, Enrica Capussotti
Few interviewees expressed anger or desires of revenge, rather, fear was
the emotion most often remembered from the time preceding the exodus.
Death-related fear is considered by some interpreters to be a common
denominator in all cultures, an anthropological “universal” (Morin, 1967).
Fear and death thus also seem tightly interrelated in the survivors’ experience.
This trauma will follow them throughout their entire lives (Sardavoy,
1997: 245-54), and may affect the lives of their offspring (Shoshan, 1989:
193-207). When fear is narrated, it is either related to a perceived danger
of losing one’s own life, or to the actual death of another person. In the
words of the interviewees, asked about their fear:
Of course I was fearful. Sure: I saw my cousins with their hands
broken… We are Rom, we were not for this or that: Serbians said come
on our side, and the Albanians said the same. So there was conflict… We
don’t know who killed our cousins. [Lytfi]
They killed my brother and my wife, and almost massacred me. [Dritan]
…When a person was killed and put near our house. [Alketa]
The danger of losing one’s own life or that of a family member sometimes
became unbearable (Bettelheim, 1979, 1991). Some of the interviewees
admitted or suggested that death might be better than living with fear: 1
I wanted to die, for not having to think of anything… You get to a certain
point that you think it is better to stop living and think nothing. [Lytfi]
There are people who do not want to live any more, who saw many
family members die. [Elidon G.]
Feelings of uncertainty also increased with the intensification of the conflict.
The flight from Kosovo, when it did not take place under the threat
of armed men, was described as the outcome of a sudden decision, one
which didn’t leave enough time for the preparation of documents, food, or
luggage. In an off-the-record conversation, Gezim, one of the two males
interviewed, said that the women of his household had not been told about
the real level of danger, so that they would not be worried. This informal
admission could partially explain why the escape found many families so
unprepared:
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We didn’t take anything with us, some of us ran away in their slippers.
[Ornela]
When they broke down the door, we had to make a hole in the back wall
to get out. [Violça]