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These, or variations on them, had become the worst words Joey knew. She longed, with an intensity that was sometimes overwhelming, for certain simple experiences she remembered from what didn't seem like it could have been that long ago. How she and Pacey had once been able to lean on each other, not figuratively but literally, truly, feeling each other's heartbeat and body heat and breath, sharing the same space. Breakfast with Bessie and Bodie, sometimes not talking at all, eating and sipping coffee and passing sections of the newspaper back and forth in a familiar rhythm that spoke of the many times they'd done the same dance. Reading to Alexander from "Goodnight Moon" as she rocked him in her lap, smelling his just-washed hair. Sunburns and sunsets and spicy food, cracking her knuckles and stubbing her toes and dancing. Things that seemed real. She had talked enough for three lifetimes, and now she was here again. "If it's about what I said when I left," she said, sinking into the chair opposite him, "I'm honestly sorry." "Joey, I know you were upset. I know you didn't mean it." He put his feet on the coffee table. "It was a really intense time, I know." Oh, I meant it. I just shouldn't have said it. "Thank you for understanding. And . . . I'm sorry that I took off without telling you where I was going or what to do about my stuff or anything like that." Dawson stared back at her blankly. It was then that she realized that until this very moment, he believed she had left for a break. He had come here, her suitcase in his hand, thinking that he needed to talk to her, to show his devotion, in turn allowing her to get over whatever was preventing her from seeing things as clearly as he did. He had believed they would fly back to California together. The mention of "her stuff" had blurred the picture. "Joey, are you saying you aren't coming home at all?" "No," she said, as gently as she could. "I'm saying I am home." When he didn't answer, she shifted in her seat, sighed, and tried again. "This is where I live. This is where my life is. Everything I said on New Year's Day, Dawson, it's still true. We aren't together. We aren't a couple." "Jo, how much of this is really about you and me, and how much of it is about Pacey? I mean, if you didn't believe that <strong>by</strong> coming back here, you were going to rekindle some wildly impassioned affair with him, would you be doing this? Do you really think being with him is the answer?" "I'm not rekindling anything with Pacey," she said simply. "Pacey and I are . . . well, we're not a couple either." "How long is your resolve on that point going to last?" Dawson snorted. She looked up at him, trying hard not to cry, because he'd think it was about him. "It's not a matter of my resolve on any point, as a matter of fact." She stared back down at her hands. "He's with somebody else."
This was a development Dawson hadn't anticipated. He frowned. "I didn't get the impression he was involved with anybody when we saw him over the holidays." "I don't think," she managed evenly, "that he wanted us to know." "Why not?" It was the first time Joey had said it out loud, and it sounded foreign and jarring, like someone else's voice coming from her mouth. "It's Jen. He's involved with Jen." Somehow, hearing herself say it brought a faint protest from some part of her mind that knew that she was operating on fairly scanty evidence. "I mean," she added for clarification, "I think he is." Dawson could have tried to be shocked, but he didn't even make the attempt. "Well, I guess that makes a certain amount of sense." Joey leaned forward a little, and her voice rose sharply. "This doesn't surprise you?" What one person believes to be a simple matter of realizing you've struck a nerve, another might believe to be the emotional equivalent of being drawn to the smell of blood in the water. Either way, Dawson shrugged in an attempt to display ambivalence he wasn't feeling in the slightest. "Of course not. I mean, come on, Joey." She narrowed her eyes. "Come on, what?" Now he chose his words carefully. "They're two of a kind, Pacey and Jen. They're both basically hedonists at heart, soaking up everything they can, and not worrying too much about the trail of tears they're leaving behind. Don't get me wrong -- they're great friends, great to hang out with, great to talk to, but . . . when push comes to shove, they'll push and shove you right out of the way. You know that, Joey." You do know that. He's right. "I don't know any such thing." He heard it in her voice, and leaned forward to press his case. "He didn't have anything to say to you when you left for California. The guy was supposed to love you. He was supposed to be this great love of your life, who was going to be with you and stay with you forever, and he couldn't even catch a cab to the airport? Don't fool yourself, Joey, he's not the long-term relationship type, and you know it. Thanksgiving, he was still putting on his great show of how torn up he was about you being with me, and <strong>by</strong> New Year's, he's moved on? How much can you really love somebody if you drop them for somebody else?" "I've been known to be in one relationship while my heart was in another," Joey said matter-of-factly. "That's exactly my point. That's who you are. Your feelings don't change like Pacey's do. Look at the history, Joey. Look what happened with Andie. He loves her, he makes all kinds of promises to her, makes unbelievable declarations about how much she's changed his life, he gets her to the point where she's totally dependent on him, and
Page 1 and 2: Disclaimers: Nope, don't own them.
Page 3 and 4: what she really wants, and you know
Page 5 and 6: Joey suddenly felt the crush of sil
Page 7 and 8: "It was weird," Jen mused. "I reall
Page 9 and 10: Pacey, on the other hand, was usual
Page 11 and 12: Jack held up his hands in defeat. "
Page 13 and 14: Jack and Jen both turned around to
Page 15 and 16: "Pacey, it's really good to see you
Page 17 and 18: Pacey would spend the next twenty y
Page 19 and 20: "You are not." He grinned again. "A
Page 21 and 22: How sad, she somehow had the time t
Page 23 and 24: he repeated. At this, she smiled, a
Page 25 and 26: *** Joey's mind wandered back to Th
Page 27 and 28: "You did. You thought I didn't want
Page 29 and 30: "Because if you didn't have that lo
Page 31 and 32: "You and I are meant to be, Jo." It
Page 33 and 34: *** part seven: pass When the phone
Page 35 and 36: "No." Joey stared out the window de
Page 37 and 38: It was cold, even for January, and
Page 39 and 40: He froze. "Is that the real reason?
Page 41 and 42: "Then why didn't you just get the h
Page 43 and 44: He wanted to take it back. It was t
Page 45 and 46: "Hello?" "Jen?" "Pacey?" "Yeah, yea
Page 47: "I'm crazy about you, Lindley, you
Page 51 and 52: pouncing on her mouth and kissing h
Page 53 and 54: "Well," Dawson said, picking up his
Page 55 and 56: "Thank you." He tossed the messages
Page 57 and 58: "What happened?" She leaned forward
Page 59 and 60: "And eventually she made the last a
Page 61 and 62: Jen suddenly could hear herself bre
Page 63 and 64: "Well, I'm proud of you." For some
Page 65 and 66: He scratched his head. "Well, I'm n
Page 67 and 68: "And how is the blushing bride?" Pa
Page 69 and 70: Pacey narrowed his eyes. "You'd rat
Page 71 and 72: on her brave face and tried to pull
Page 73 and 74: it's the perfect moment if you were
Page 75 and 76: "Have I ever told you that I find e
Page 77 and 78: "This is taking more than five minu
Page 79 and 80: They both laughed, low and throaty,
Page 81 and 82: Jen swallowed hard. "And you're tel
Page 83 and 84: She closed her eyes again, and list
Page 85 and 86: He put his feet on the coffee table
Page 87 and 88: "Joey?" Jen put a hand on Joey's ar
Page 89 and 90: inadvertent right cross. Seeing him
Page 91 and 92: "The buddy. The friend. The famous
Page 93 and 94: But not me, she thought with a nost
Page 95 and 96: them, sweeping them into something
Page 97 and 98: didn't need me as the best friend,
Page 99 and 100:
"I feel bad," he said simply. "I fe
Page 101 and 102:
He leaned over and brushed his lips
Page 103 and 104:
She turned to look at him again, st
Page 105 and 106:
Jen reached into the car through th
Page 107 and 108:
"You never will, either. Just anoth
Page 109 and 110:
The West coast had the sand and the
Page 111 and 112:
"Me, too." She hit the button, drop
Page 113 and 114:
"Yes." She nodded slowly. "I was fe
Page 115 and 116:
Jen's eyes widened. "It -- it doesn
Page 117 and 118:
One of Pacey's eyes popped open. "I
Page 119 and 120:
day reminding himself -- in a way t
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