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You are so stupid. He's with somebody else. He's with Jen. He's with Jen, and you called her up and made her drive you home from the airport, thinking the whole time that you were just going to come flying back into town and pick up everything right where you left it a year ago, like nothing would have changed. Joey turned the car toward the B&B, suddenly happy that Bessie still wasn't home. You showed up at his apartment without calling, you practically threw yourself at him, and the whole time, he was with somebody else. And instead of telling you that he was with her, he gave you that whole speech about all the reasons he couldn't be with you. Now, this voice, always distressingly ready to jump to attention and connect whatever dots it could find on the page, was on a roll. Which means that that entire heartfelt speech wasn't real. He didn't say no to you because he doesn't want to play games about him and you and Dawson. He said no to you because he's with somebody else, which makes you not only the world's biggest idiot, but quite possibly the world's most pathetic loser. And then that voice said the last thing it always said. The comment with which it closed every conversation she had been having with it since she was five years old. The comment that it had in the back of its mind every time it opened its mouth. No matter what it takes, we have to make sure that nothing like this ever happens to us again. Ever. Suddenly, Joey jerked the wheel to the side, throwing the car onto the shoulder of the quiet, deserted road. She jumped out and slammed the door, pounding her palm against the car roof. She walked around to the passenger side and leaned against the side of the car. Slowly, she slid down, covering her eyes with her hands, until she was sitting on the cold ground, which had been snow-covered only a week before. For what must have been the twentieth time in four or five days, she started to cry, wrapping her arms around her knees and shaking. She hoped, in an incongruous flash of rationality, that no one would come along and slam into the car, which was barely off the road. More than that, she hoped that no one she knew would come <strong>by</strong> and see her sitting on the gravel next to her car, giving every impression of having a nervous breakdown. At the same time, though, her mind kept drawing a picture of Pacey driving up in his truck, gathering her up, wrapping her in a blanket, and driving her back to the apartment. This was ridiculous, of course. Only a few minutes ago, they had talked about this very thing -- no more drama, no more love scenes, no more rescues. Somehow, the clarity with which she had understood this at the time had faded. In whatever journey she and Pacey had just agreed she needed to take, it appeared that the first step was to stop wanting things at exactly the same time she was professing to herself that she didn't really want them. She sat there for half an hour, getting so cold that her teeth chattered and her fingers got stiff and numb. No one ever did come along, either to laugh at her or to rescue her. When it got so cold that she couldn't stand it anymore, she got to her feet, got back in the car, and drove to the B&B, closed while Bessie and Bodie were away. There, she took the key out of her pocket, went inside, made her way to her bedroom, and fell asleep without taking off her coat.
"Hello?" "Jen?" "Pacey?" "Yeah, yeah, I need to talk to you." Pacey was walking the floor of his apartment, holding the phone in one hand and anxiously rubbing his other palm against his leg. "Did you tell Joey anything about New Year's?" "You saw her." Jen sat up on the couch, muting the sound of the old movie she was watching. *** "Yeah, I saw her." There was a pause. "It was this morning. She left around noon, so I've been sitting here for, like, six hours trying not to think about this, and it's making me pretty much crazy . . . did you hear what I asked you?" "I heard you. No, I didn't tell her anything about it. In fact, she asked me how I spent the holiday and I told her I was <strong>by</strong> myself." He didn't say anything for a minute. "Pacey, are you still there?" "Yes, I'm here." He held one hand over his eyes. "You specifically told her that you were alone on New Year's?" "Yeah. She asked me." Jen wrinkled her brow. "Is that a problem?" "I told her we hung out." "You told her?" "I didn't tell her, you know, the whole story, but I told her we hung out. And she was . . . she noticed the difference in the stories, I think." He sunk down onto the couch. "Shit." "I'm sorry. I mean, I'm sorry if it creates a problem, or if I shouldn't have --" "Hey, don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not . . . it's not like I cheated on her, or like you helped me cheat on her or anything like that. Besides, I don't mean to make you feel like I want to treat it like some scandalous secret thing, or like I'm embarrassed or anything like that." This was a conversation he'd been meaning to have anyway, so it was, he figured, just as well. Alone in her living room, Jen pulled at a stray thread on her shirt. "I know." He cleared his throat. "I wasn't sure if I should call you, or if you would want to talk, or if you would think that if I didn't call you I was, you know, specifically not calling you, or if it would be better to just leave it alone."
Page 1 and 2: Disclaimers: Nope, don't own them.
Page 3 and 4: what she really wants, and you know
Page 5 and 6: Joey suddenly felt the crush of sil
Page 7 and 8: "It was weird," Jen mused. "I reall
Page 9 and 10: Pacey, on the other hand, was usual
Page 11 and 12: Jack held up his hands in defeat. "
Page 13 and 14: Jack and Jen both turned around to
Page 15 and 16: "Pacey, it's really good to see you
Page 17 and 18: Pacey would spend the next twenty y
Page 19 and 20: "You are not." He grinned again. "A
Page 21 and 22: How sad, she somehow had the time t
Page 23 and 24: he repeated. At this, she smiled, a
Page 25 and 26: *** Joey's mind wandered back to Th
Page 27 and 28: "You did. You thought I didn't want
Page 29 and 30: "Because if you didn't have that lo
Page 31 and 32: "You and I are meant to be, Jo." It
Page 33 and 34: *** part seven: pass When the phone
Page 35 and 36: "No." Joey stared out the window de
Page 37 and 38: It was cold, even for January, and
Page 39 and 40: He froze. "Is that the real reason?
Page 41 and 42: "Then why didn't you just get the h
Page 43: He wanted to take it back. It was t
Page 47 and 48: "I'm crazy about you, Lindley, you
Page 49 and 50: This was a development Dawson hadn'
Page 51 and 52: pouncing on her mouth and kissing h
Page 53 and 54: "Well," Dawson said, picking up his
Page 55 and 56: "Thank you." He tossed the messages
Page 57 and 58: "What happened?" She leaned forward
Page 59 and 60: "And eventually she made the last a
Page 61 and 62: Jen suddenly could hear herself bre
Page 63 and 64: "Well, I'm proud of you." For some
Page 65 and 66: He scratched his head. "Well, I'm n
Page 67 and 68: "And how is the blushing bride?" Pa
Page 69 and 70: Pacey narrowed his eyes. "You'd rat
Page 71 and 72: on her brave face and tried to pull
Page 73 and 74: it's the perfect moment if you were
Page 75 and 76: "Have I ever told you that I find e
Page 77 and 78: "This is taking more than five minu
Page 79 and 80: They both laughed, low and throaty,
Page 81 and 82: Jen swallowed hard. "And you're tel
Page 83 and 84: She closed her eyes again, and list
Page 85 and 86: He put his feet on the coffee table
Page 87 and 88: "Joey?" Jen put a hand on Joey's ar
Page 89 and 90: inadvertent right cross. Seeing him
Page 91 and 92: "The buddy. The friend. The famous
Page 93 and 94: But not me, she thought with a nost
Page 95 and 96:
them, sweeping them into something
Page 97 and 98:
didn't need me as the best friend,
Page 99 and 100:
"I feel bad," he said simply. "I fe
Page 101 and 102:
He leaned over and brushed his lips
Page 103 and 104:
She turned to look at him again, st
Page 105 and 106:
Jen reached into the car through th
Page 107 and 108:
"You never will, either. Just anoth
Page 109 and 110:
The West coast had the sand and the
Page 111 and 112:
"Me, too." She hit the button, drop
Page 113 and 114:
"Yes." She nodded slowly. "I was fe
Page 115 and 116:
Jen's eyes widened. "It -- it doesn
Page 117 and 118:
One of Pacey's eyes popped open. "I
Page 119 and 120:
day reminding himself -- in a way t
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