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He went a little pale and felt his mouth go dry. "I have bad technique, actually, but I'll lend you a pair of warmer socks." He got up and went in the bedroom, talking to her the whole time. "So how long have you been back in town?" Still a little surprised <strong>by</strong> what she perceived as an unjustified snub of a perfectly appealing come-on, she frowned a little before answering. "Since about three in the morning." He returned and handed her a pair of gray wool socks, which she put on gratefully. "Do you want to tell me what's going on? Why you're here without Dawson?" She leaned back and started to pull at her damp ponytail. "It was the wrong thing to do. I went with him because it seemed like the right thing to do, and it . . . wasn't." "Did you break up with him?" He asked this as evenly as he could, ignoring the way his breathing had quickened. She stopped fidgeting and looked at him. "Yes, I broke up with him." Pacey considered this, nodding and tapping the thumbs of his folded hands. "And how did that go?" She sighed. "Well, I said something on the way out the door that I'm going to have to apologize for later, but other than that, it wasn't any worse than it was going to be anyway." "What did you say on your way out the door?" Secretly, he hoped it was something very, very bad and very, very petty -- something about his hair, or his forehead, or his imbecilic film oeuvre with its overwrought plots and bad dialogue and precious, campy special effects. "It doesn't matter. It was mean. I was angry at him. We'll work it out later. We always do." It was something about this last comment that began to take the air out from under the wings he'd been on since the minute he opened the door. He looked at her again, thought about how she looked, remembered how her lips felt and how her skin could sweat, and resolved to ignore it. "What made you decide to put an end to the most tortured romantic saga since The Thorn Birds, anyway?" She could feel herself staring at him, watching the way his eyes skipped over her face every so often, and the way he leaned forward toward her in his chair, like he was under the influence of some independent gravity that had sprung up from the floor between them. He was wearing a blue sweater she had given him the Christmas before, which struck her as an enormous and auspicious coincidence, bordering on a sign, because she was entirely unaware that he wore it and washed it three times a week, to the point where it was on the verge of dissolving into a ball of blue lint. "You," she said simply. "I missed you, and I wanted to be with you, and I knew that I didn't want to be with him."
He froze. "Is that the real reason?" Joey blinked twice. "I don't know what you mean. Of course that was the reason." Nervous in spite of the moment they had already shared at the door, she stood up and walked over to him. Placing a hand under his chin, she lifted his face and smiled. "Is it so hard for you to believe that I would fly across the country to be with you?" She smelled like roses. This, he knew, was the lotion she always had in her purse, which also accounted for the nearly unbelievable softness of her fingers on his skin. He breathed her in, and with all of the pent-up energy he had stored during the months and months he'd been without her, he lifted his hand and pulled hers away from him. "We have to talk." Her face sank and paled and became teary, all at once, faster than he'd ever seen in anyone. "Is something wrong?" "Yes, Joey." He looked up at her. "Something is wrong." He gestured across the room weakly. "Sit down." The teakettle whistled insistently, and he disappeared, returning with a mug that he handed to her. She took it, then backed up until she reached the sofa. She sat down almost primly, putting her cup on the end table and folding her hands in her lap, as if she were a child expecting a talking-to about the broken plate in the kitchen. "Tell me what's going on." "I can't do this again, Jo. I just cannot do this again. I can't be the guy who isn't Dawson, and I'm pretty sure <strong>Dawson's</strong> gotten tired of being the guy who isn't me." "I don't know what you mean." "Yes, you do." He was speaking so softly she leaned in to hear. "You come to my door and you fall into my arms and I get to touch you and smell your hair and have your breath on my shoulder and it feels better to me than anything that's happened to me since the day I was born, and . . . within five minutes, I'm imagining how long this is going to last before I have to start drinking beer and listening to Miles Davis and sanding my boat and just . . . wondering how it all fell apart." "Why are you thinking that?" She was incredulous. "I ended it with him. I came back here. I'm telling you it's over with him and I want us to be together. What am I supposed to do to convince you? What?" "You're supposed to be with me for some reason other than that you don't want Dawson. You're supposed to not be with Dawson for some reason other than that you would rather be with me. It's a circle, Jo, don't you get it? This time you want me because he doesn't make you happy, but then next time, when I don't make you happy, you're going to want him again, and you know why? Because the issue isn't that he doesn't make you happy or that I don't make you happy. The issue is that you're not happy. You're not really happy, Joey, ever. You're always looking ahead to the next disaster, the next catastrophe, the next person who's going to take a chip out of you. You can't even explain to me why you're here except that you want to be here more than you want to be in California."
Page 1 and 2: Disclaimers: Nope, don't own them.
Page 3 and 4: what she really wants, and you know
Page 5 and 6: Joey suddenly felt the crush of sil
Page 7 and 8: "It was weird," Jen mused. "I reall
Page 9 and 10: Pacey, on the other hand, was usual
Page 11 and 12: Jack held up his hands in defeat. "
Page 13 and 14: Jack and Jen both turned around to
Page 15 and 16: "Pacey, it's really good to see you
Page 17 and 18: Pacey would spend the next twenty y
Page 19 and 20: "You are not." He grinned again. "A
Page 21 and 22: How sad, she somehow had the time t
Page 23 and 24: he repeated. At this, she smiled, a
Page 25 and 26: *** Joey's mind wandered back to Th
Page 27 and 28: "You did. You thought I didn't want
Page 29 and 30: "Because if you didn't have that lo
Page 31 and 32: "You and I are meant to be, Jo." It
Page 33 and 34: *** part seven: pass When the phone
Page 35 and 36: "No." Joey stared out the window de
Page 37: It was cold, even for January, and
Page 41 and 42: "Then why didn't you just get the h
Page 43 and 44: He wanted to take it back. It was t
Page 45 and 46: "Hello?" "Jen?" "Pacey?" "Yeah, yea
Page 47 and 48: "I'm crazy about you, Lindley, you
Page 49 and 50: This was a development Dawson hadn'
Page 51 and 52: pouncing on her mouth and kissing h
Page 53 and 54: "Well," Dawson said, picking up his
Page 55 and 56: "Thank you." He tossed the messages
Page 57 and 58: "What happened?" She leaned forward
Page 59 and 60: "And eventually she made the last a
Page 61 and 62: Jen suddenly could hear herself bre
Page 63 and 64: "Well, I'm proud of you." For some
Page 65 and 66: He scratched his head. "Well, I'm n
Page 67 and 68: "And how is the blushing bride?" Pa
Page 69 and 70: Pacey narrowed his eyes. "You'd rat
Page 71 and 72: on her brave face and tried to pull
Page 73 and 74: it's the perfect moment if you were
Page 75 and 76: "Have I ever told you that I find e
Page 77 and 78: "This is taking more than five minu
Page 79 and 80: They both laughed, low and throaty,
Page 81 and 82: Jen swallowed hard. "And you're tel
Page 83 and 84: She closed her eyes again, and list
Page 85 and 86: He put his feet on the coffee table
Page 87 and 88: "Joey?" Jen put a hand on Joey's ar
Page 89 and 90:
inadvertent right cross. Seeing him
Page 91 and 92:
"The buddy. The friend. The famous
Page 93 and 94:
But not me, she thought with a nost
Page 95 and 96:
them, sweeping them into something
Page 97 and 98:
didn't need me as the best friend,
Page 99 and 100:
"I feel bad," he said simply. "I fe
Page 101 and 102:
He leaned over and brushed his lips
Page 103 and 104:
She turned to look at him again, st
Page 105 and 106:
Jen reached into the car through th
Page 107 and 108:
"You never will, either. Just anoth
Page 109 and 110:
The West coast had the sand and the
Page 111 and 112:
"Me, too." She hit the button, drop
Page 113 and 114:
"Yes." She nodded slowly. "I was fe
Page 115 and 116:
Jen's eyes widened. "It -- it doesn
Page 117 and 118:
One of Pacey's eyes popped open. "I
Page 119 and 120:
day reminding himself -- in a way t
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