SOS by Glory, Girl Writer.pdf - Dawson's Creek Fandom Wiki

"No." Joey stared out the window determinedly, as if she were scanning the landscape
for signs of change. "We got there, and I felt empty and lonely all the time, like I was
suffocating. And then I kind of found myself with Dawson again, only it felt like . . . "
"It felt like what?"
Joey chuckled bitterly. "It felt like we were still fifteen. It was strange. Everything was
different, but nothing was different. I had dragged myself all the way across the country,
and I had brought with me the one thing I needed to leave behind if I was ever really
going to figure anything out for myself."
"You didn't seem this unhappy when you were home for Thanksgiving, or even when I
saw you last week."
"Last week, I think I knew it was ending. Some part of me saw that there was an end in
sight, and that I'd be home soon. It was like it put me at peace against my will. As far as
Thanksgiving, well, I was going crazy, actually, but I didn't exactly want everybody to
know."
"Everybody?"
Joey nodded acknowledgement. "I didn't want Pacey to know."
Jen's heart quickened, but she just smiled with the understanding Joey would expect.
Joey didn't even seem to be talking to Jen anymore. She had leaned back into her own
mind, clearing out thoughts that had been the only company she'd had during a
sleepless stint camped out at a series of airline counters. "I had been so afraid to see
him anyway, because I knew that as soon as I saw him, I was going to break open. I
was terrified that I would start crying the minute I laid eyes on him, so I tried not to pay
any attention to him, and I tried to hide a little, but then there was this ridiculous incident
at that party we went to. He and I ended up in the bathroom putting a band-aid on my
hand, and I swear I almost told him that I was going home with him whether he liked it or
not."
"You didn't, though."
"No, I didn't." Joey shrugged. "I figured that if he had wanted to be with me, he would
have said something before I left. He knew I was going away with Dawson, he knew
what day I was leaving, and he knew that part of me didn't want to go, so when he let me
leave, I decided that I needed to accept the fact that he didn't care that much whether I
left or stayed. It wasn't like I was completely surprised by it. I had done too much and
waited too long. So when I saw him at Thanksgiving and he touched my hand, I really
wanted to just give everything away and tell him I hated California, tell him I didn't love
Dawson, and tell him . . . that I loved him so much that being without him felt like being
alone in the world."
"Wow," Jen breathed, her mind's eye wandering involuntarily to the sight of her foot at
Pacey's lips. "Why didn't you tell him any of that?"