SOS by Glory, Girl Writer.pdf - Dawson's Creek Fandom Wiki

She was surprised how easy it was to find the words, now that she saw it all clearly.
"Don't you want more than this?" It was, in a way, the worst thing she could possibly say
to him, carrying the implications it did that somehow he had fundamentally failed, failed
to give her what she wanted, failed to make the dream come true, failed to fill the
spaces.
"More than . . . more than what?"
She tried a different, more concrete approach. "Why haven't we ever had sex,
Dawson?"
He blinked widely and started making sort of "wh-wh-wh" noises, like a lawnmower that
wouldn't start. Finally, he shook his head as if to knock the bugs off. "Because we
decided to wait."
"Is that it, really?" She shifted on the couch and looked at him hard in the eye. "Does it
kill you that we haven't done it?"
He gave that annoying laugh-snort that always made her want to poke him in the eye.
"How am I supposed to answer that, Joey? What's the right answer? I mean, if I say
yes, then I'm some kind of dog, and if I say no, then I'm not validating your sexuality."
You have just heard your boyfriend use the expression, "validate your sexuality." It is
time to get out. "Dawson, there's not a right answer. You're supposed to answer it by
telling the truth."
He shook his head, then ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "No, it doesn't kill
me, okay? And I don't understand why this is so surprising to you, Joey, considering
that you and Pacey spent three months in a boat where there was barely enough room
to turn around, and you've told me on previous occasions that you managed to make it
back to shore a virgin."
"Right. I did. And it practically killed us both."
Dawson recoiled. This was more than too much information. This was genuine
nightmare material. But all that came out of his mouth was, "Oh."
"Does that surprise you?" She had stopped fidgeting, and now she was trying to get him
to look her in the eye. "Because it shouldn't."
His face was sort of twitching and jumping. "I -- no, I guess I just always sort of thought
that -- I don't know, that --"
"Oh, my God." She cut him off. She really had known him too long, she concluded,
because she knew exactly what he was going to say. Her voice became low and
familiar. "You thought I didn't really want to sleep with him. You figured I never would
because I never really wanted to."
He made a gesture of pure helplessness, like a shrug crossed with a muscle spasm.