Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: The Abridged Series - Episode 1 - Transcript ... - Wikia

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: The Abridged Series - Episode 1 - Transcript
Cast (in order of appearance): Jaden, Yugi, Announcer, Crowler, Enroller, Bastion, Chazz,
Syrus, Sheppard, Alexis, Zane.
Date: August 28, 2009
Running Time: 8:13
Episode Title: I'm Jaden, And I'm Flawless.
--Transcript--
JADEN: Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I'm late! I can't believe this! Never again am I staying up
till 4 o'clock in the frickin' morning watching tutorials on how to build a pancake helicopter!
Especially when the exam is today! But not to worry- As long as nothing gets in my way to slow
me down, I should make it there just in time.
YUGI: Hmm...I wonder where the hell my shirt is.
JADEN: Hey, look out! I've lost all ability of changing direction!
(crashes into Yugi)
JADEN: Oh, the pain!
YUGI: You're a duelist, aren't you?
JADEN: Whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyy, Yes I am!
YUGI: Then here! I want you to have this!
(gives him a card)
JADEN: Heh! You just lost out on a card. Hey, wait, where are you going?
YUGI: To make a parody of the Fresh Prince of Bel-air!
JADEN: Alright, well, good luck with that! (Yugi leaves, Grandia 2's "Live! Live! Live!" plays)
Wow, what a really nice guy- ehuhh- Gay! What the hell is this? This is absolute garbage! How
dare anyone give me this crap?! Where is he? I'll kill him with a rusty spork!
(sfx: beep beep)
JADEN'S WATCH: Your entrance exam is in 5 minutes. Move your ass!
JADEN: Oh damn it, that's right! Lucky I have this reminder function on my watch.
WATCH: Move faster!
JADEN: I am, you goddamn sprick!
(Title Sequence, Jindou's "Rising Weather Hallelujah" plays)
ANNOUNCER: Attention students! A mokey-mokey has been found! If you are the owner,
please come collect it at the office.
STUDENT #1: Oh, that's mine.
STUDENT #2: No it's not, it's mine!
STUDENT #3: Are you kidding me? I lost it when I was 7!
CROWLER: Watching children play a card game is like punting a small squirrel. It's funny at
first, but then you just lose interest.
ENROLLER: Well, It doesn't look like anymore main characters are coming. Shut it down, girls!
GIRLS: Ok!
JADEN: No! Wait!
GIRLS: What the-?!

JADEN: Wow! I can't believe I managed to climb up this elaborate wall! I should be
called "Jaden-man"!
(slight pause)
RANDOM GIRL: Lame!
JADEN: Shuddup! (Dog growls) Uh he he, Oh god, heh, nice nice doggy, heh, nice big doggy,
heh- HOLY CRAP!
(falls down)
JADEN: Uh huh ow, my coccyx! Ok, nice doggy, easy now doggy, umm, you like Winged-
Kurbohs?
(dog eats him alive)
JADEN: OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! I'M SORRY!! I'M SO SORRY!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THAT'S NOT MEANT TO BE EATEN!! OH GOD!! WHY
ISN'T ANYONE STOPPING THIS?!?! OH MY FREAKING CHRIST!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!
SOMEONE HELP ME!! PLEASE!!
GIRL: Do you think he's ok?
ENROLLER: I don't care.
JADEN: MY LIVER!!!
(scene cuts to Duel Academy, a duel is in session)
EXAMINER: Face it, kid, you've got no chance of winning. Why don't you run home and have a
little tea party?
BASTION: What if I played Ring of Destruction?
EXAMINER: Well then, you'd probably win, but it's a good thing you don't-
(Bastion reveals face-down card: Ring of Destruction)
EXAMINER: Ah! Come on!
(sfx: Explosion, life points hit zero)
OBELISK BLUE STUDENT: Duh, he were pretty good, boss!
CHAZZ: Yeah, yeah. I'm too rich and snobbish to care.
JADEN: Man, that's some mighty fine dueling.
SYRUS: Who the hell are you?
JADEN: I'm Jaden, but my friends know me as Jaden-man!
RANDOM GIRL: Still lame!
JADEN: Shuddup!
SYRUS: Jaden? The kid from the announcement? Weren't you supposed to be killed by a little
dog?
JADEN: Uh, it was a bear, actually.
SYRUS: Well anyway, how come you're not injured?
JADEN: Pfft! Are you kidding me? I'm the main character. I can't be hurt.
SYRUS: Oooooohhhh, is that so?
(cocks gun)
JADEN: Um, guns are my only weakness!
SYRUS: Ooohhh...
(fires gun)
JADEN: HOLY CRAP!
SYRUS: Whoops! Left the safety off!

CROWLER: Hmm...What rhymes with golem? Molem? No. Trolem? No. Mary-Palolem? That's
not even a word. Solemn? Solemn! Yes! Solemn! I must write it down!
ENROLLER: Professor Crowler, the main character is here and he needs to be examed.
CROWLER: Goddamn it, Gertreud, how dare you interrupt me when I'm being artistic. But it's
not your fault. You wouldn't understand what it's like being a great poet like myself.
ENROLLER: I don't think poetry is really important right now-
CROWLER: POETRY IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT, YOU FRICKIN'-!!
(Crowler's cell-phone rings; the ringtone is ___________ )
CROWLER: Oh! hehe, That's mine. One moment. (answers) Hello?
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: (breathing heavily) I can see you, Crowler...
CROWLER: Sheppard, I know that's you.
SHEPPARD: Awww, anyway Crowler, I called you for a very specific reason.
(Sheppard continues talking on phone, sound is fast and high pitched)
CROWLER: Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, I don't know, Uh- the third one, No, not in a million years,
Backwards, I think, Have you tried putting it in the other way? No, I wouldn't recommend that,
yes, no, ok, yeah, alright, ok, uh, yeah, I'll see you soon, Yeah I-, I love you too. (hangs up) My
god! Sorry about that! Now, where were we?
ENROLLER: Um, something about poetry?
CROWLER: Oh, yes, you're absolutely- POETRY IS VERY IMPORTANT, YOU FRICKIN'-!!
JADEN: And that's the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
ANNOUNCER: Will the main character please report to duel field #3?
JADEN: Oh! That's me! Time to get my game on!
SYRUS: Gay!
JADEN: Shuddup!
GIRL #1: Oh, Professor Crowler, your duel disk is so big!
CROWLER: Yeah, you like that, don'tcha, bitch? They don't call me "professor" for nothing.
GIRL #2: Why do they call you professor?
CROWLER: Why do you ask questions? Go do something girly.
GIRL #2: Oooh! I'm gonna go adopt a puppy.
CROWLER: Well, you've come so far to lose to the great poet and duelist, me, Professor
Crowler. I assure you that you won't- WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE A BUNNY?!
JADEN: Make me!
(cocks gun)
JADEN: Uh hehehe, ok, I'm gonna draw a card now. (draws Winged Kuriboh) Oh hey! It's you!
I'm sure you'll come in handy, little buddy. I mean, after all, that guy wouldn't have- (winks at
him) HOLY CRAP! Did that thing just frickin' wink at me? That's it, no more pot for me! Well, I
guess it wouldn't do any harm to use you. I summon-
(sfx: Explosion, card blows up)
JADEN: Ahh! You piece of crap!
CROWLER: Face it, Jaden! You've got nothing in your deck that can save you!
JADEN: True, but what I have doesn't need to be in my deck. For I have the power of George
Michael!
(George Michael's "Flawless (Go To The City)" plays in the background during Battle)
(Ancient Gear Golem collapses on Crowler, life points hit zero)

JADEN: That's game! Thank God I'm flawless!
("Absolutely Flawless" riff from the song plays when he says "flawless")
ALEXIS: Wow! That duel reminded me of my first period. Wanna hear about it?
ZANE: And that's where I get outta here!
JADEN: Yeah! I did it! Believe it! Whoops! Wrong Animé. But still- haha! And it's all thanks to
you, Kuriboh, all thanks to you.
WINGED KURIBOH: (winks) Mhhmm!
JADEN: Stop f**king winking at me!
(Ending: "Who let the dogs out?" by Baha Men plays)
CAPTION: Did you like the re-dub? Did ya?! Did ya?! Did ya?! Did ya?! : D Always make sure
your safety is on. The true owner never came to collect their mokey-mokey. Though, 2402
people claimed onwership. This caused a riot shortly after. 1,500 injured. 420 hospitalized. 12
dead. 3 shot. 200 wedgies. It was awesome.
(Stinger)
JADEN: (whiningly) My legs! They hurt so much! How could a dog even do that?! Why?! I didn't
deserve that! Mommy!! (stops whining) Oh, hey! A nickel!