A Proposal to Reduce Unnecessary Divorce - Razorplanet

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61. More on “hopeful spouse counseling.” In most cases one spouse wants the
divorce and the other, at least at the outset, wants to save the marriage. The “leaning
out” spouse may not be willing to get any help at all, while the kind of counsel
the hopeful spouse usually gets is some version of “you have no options here—your
spouse wants to divorce you.” Divorce lawyers report that they typically tell their
hopeful client that the laws of the state give just one party the right to end the marriage,
so it’s best to accept the inevitable. Lawyers and judges also report that this advice
is often not received well and that “hopeful” clients can be difficult in the divorce
process. In everyday interaction with their spouse, the hopeful partner tends to act
negatively by alternating between pleading with and scolding his or her partner, trying
to leverage the children’s desire to keep the family together, and sometimes even
threatening self-harm. None of these behaviors makes a spouse more appealing to a
partner who is leaning out.
62. See Michele Weiner-Davis, www.divorcebusting.com, and The Divorce Remedy.
63. John Crouch et al., “An Early Warning/Prevention System for Divorce: The Divorce
Early Warning and Prevention Act,” Americans for Divorce Reform, http://www.
divorcereform.org/CPAFull.html.