A Proposal to Reduce Unnecessary Divorce - Razorplanet

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clergy, pastoral counselors associated with faith communities, or professional
therapists. Among them are skilled practitioners who have helped many married
couples. However, there is reason to believe that the quality of marriage
counseling services available in many communities is inadequate to serve as
the main resource for couples at high risk for divorce. 36
Most lay people do not realize that therapists practicing marriage counseling in
America usually have not been adequately trained for this difficult form of therapy.
Therapists are typically trained in individual therapy, not couples therapy.
Although an estimated 80 percent of therapists in private practice report that
they do at least some marital therapy, most mental health professional degree
or recertification programs do not require specific training in marriage therapy.
It is an open secret among experienced practitioners of marriage counseling
that many of their fellow counselors, even if they are good individual counselors,
are poor marriage counselors. The result is that such therapists too often
fail in treating conflicted or demoralized couples. 37
The theoretical standpoint of most therapists with regard to marriage is also a
problem. Counselors typically feel they should hold a neutral stance towards
whether the marriage survives or ends in divorce. Divorcing or staying married
are seen as equally valid outcomes, much as might one view staying in a job
or moving into a different job. The therapist believes in helping the client gain
clarity about his or her own feelings without trying to influence the client’s decision
to stay in a marriage or get a divorce.
One national study of therapists specializing in marriage and family therapy
found that a majority favored this neutral orientation. 38 In Minnesota, a survey
of people who received marriage counseling supports this point of view. Of
the 43 percent of divorced people in the poll who had seen such a counselor,
only 35 percent rated their counselor as wanting to help save the marriage.
(The remaining 41 percent of counselors were rated as neutral towards the
marriage, 14 percent as encouraging divorce, and 11 percent as “other.”) 39
We believe that a main problem with the neutral approach, as opposed to a
pro-marital-commitment stance, to working with at-risk married couples is
that the counselor does not work vigorously to restore hope for demoralized
spouses. 40