A Proposal to Reduce Unnecessary Divorce - Razorplanet

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In her classic qualitative study of the divorce process, Columbia University
sociology professor Diane Vaughan revealed what clinicians and lawyers often
see in practice: in many cases one spouse is blindsided by the other’s announcement
that divorce is imminent. The shocked spouse has little time to
adjust to this news, and sometimes moves into panic mode and does something
that constitutes a “fatal mistake” in the eyes of the spouse who has been
preparing to leave for some time. 25
As an illustration, consider the scenario of a husband who is stunned by his
wife’s announcement that she wants a divorce. He moves into a motel that
night, and returns home the next day to plead his case, only to discover that
his wife has changed the locks. He becomes enraged about being locked out
of his own house and breaks a door or window to get inside. His wife understandably
becomes afraid. Her lawyer helps her get an Order of Protection
against her husband. Now he cannot see his children until he gets assistance
from his own lawyer. As this couple heads into divorce, there is recorded judicial
support for the idea that the husband is a danger to the wife and perhaps
to their children. A nontrivial waiting period before getting a divorce can allow
such a couple to cool off and perhaps reflect more deeply about the situation
before taking an irrevocable step to end their marriage.
3. The law moves couples more rapidly towards divorce than perhaps they
had intended or faster than both spouses want.
Very short waiting periods, combined with little or no help for exiting the divorce
superhighway, leaves little possibility for either spouse to consider reconciliation.
In some cases, spouses who do not necessarily want a divorce (at
least not yet) visit a lawyer mainly to get the other spouse’s attention. But once
they do so, before they know it they can become caught up in legal and relationship
turbulence, propelled towards a divorce they may later regret.
Even if one spouse is determined not to reconcile, there are strong reasons to
think that the pace of the divorce should follow the spouse who is less interested
in getting the divorce. 26 Professors Furstenberg and Cherlin, again echoing
Diane Vaughan’s work, found that four out of five marriages ended unilaterally.
Such divorces begin at one spouse’s insistence—most often the wife’s.
Pushing a reluctant spouse, often a husband, to move too quickly through a
painful dissolution can increase conflict and litigation at the time of the divorce,
and can exacerbate post-divorce conflicts over hot-button issues such as