History of the M.E. Church, Vol. III - Media Sabda Org

the eternally ruinous consequences, clearly appeared. My repentance was sincere. I became willing,
and was desirous to be saved on any terms. After a sore and sorrowful travail of three days, which
were employed in hearing Mr. Easter, and in fasting and prayer, while the man of God was showing
a large congregation the way of salvation by faith, with a clearness which at once astonished and
encouraged me, I ventured my all upon Christ. In a moment my soul was relieved of a burden too
heavy to be borne, and joy instantly succeeded sorrow. For a short space of time I was fixed in silent
adoration, giving glory to God for his unspeakable goodness to such an unworthy creature."
Still later he studied with grateful interest the Methodist doctrine of sanctification, and sought to
realize it in his own spiritual life. "Eventually," he writes, "I obtained deliverance from unholy
passions, and found myself possessed of ability to resist temptation, to take up and bear the cross,
and to exercise faith and patience, and all the graces of the Spirit, in a manner before unknown to
me."
His superior character and abilities soon led his brethren to believe that he should devote himself
to the ministry, but his self-distrust shrunk at the suggestion. Easter induced him to accompany him
on his circuit; but, after some attempts to preach, he returned home, fearful that he had run before
he was called. Philip Cox was appointed to the Mecklenburg circuit, by the next conference, and,
at the same session, Easter, who knew McKendree's capacities better than his modesty allowed him
to estimate them himself; had him received on probation and placed under the care of Cox, though
he had not yet been licensed as a local preacher. Cox was a man of flaming zeal and indomitable
energy, and bore along his diffident colleague, but the latter proceeded deliberately. "I went," he says,
"immediately to the circuit to which I was appointed, relying more on the judgment of experienced
ministers, in whom I confided, than on any clear conviction of my call to the work; and when I
yielded to their judgment I firmly resolved not to deceive them, and to retire as soon as I should be
convinced that I was not called of God, and to conduct myself in such a manner that, if I failed, my
friends might be satisfied it was not for want of effort on my part, but that their judgment was not
well founded. This resolution supported me under many doubts and fears -- for entering into the
work of a traveling preacher neither removed my doubts nor the difficulties that attended my labors.
Sustained by a determination to make a full trial, I resorted to fasting and prayer, and waited for
those kind friends who had charge and government over me to dismiss me from the work. But I
waited in vain. In this state of suspense my reasoning might have terminated in discouraging and
ruinous conclusions, had I not been comforted and supported by the kind and encouraging manner
in which I was received by aged and experienced brethren, and by the manifest presence of God in
our meetings, which were frequently lively and profitable. Sometimes souls were convicted and
converted, which afforded me considerable encouragement, as well as the union and communion
with my Saviour in private devotion, which he graciously afforded me in the intervals of my very
imperfect attempts to preach his gospel. In this way I became satisfied of my call to the ministry, and
that I was moving in the line of my duty."
He hardly escaped total discomfiture in this first trial. At one of his appointments, after singing
and prayer, he took his text, and attempted to look at his audience; but such was his embarrassment
that he could not lift his eyes from the Bible till he finished his sermon. After the sermon his host,
at the appointment, left the house, supposing the preacher would follow him; but not seeing him, he
returned to the church, and there found him seated on the lowest step of the pulpit stairs, his face