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The keys to divine children lie in changing the nature of
how we — as parents and teachers — behave. We must
never act in anger or frustration. We must wait until we
have calmed down and then, gently and tenderly, explain
things to the children. Then, and only then, can we be
sure they are only getting the teaching they deserve, and
not the brunt of our anger from the office or from the traffic
on the way home. How many times have we had
exasperating days and come home and taken it out on
the children (or on our spouse who then, in turn, takes it
out on the kids)? Too many. And what do the children learn
from this? Nothing other than low self-esteem and
insufficient tools for dealing with their own emotions.
So, the first thing to do is wait until you are in a “teaching”
mood, not a scolding mood. For children need not only
the teaching, but they need the “touch.” And that touch
should be velvet, not violent. With a velvet touch and calm
mind you can achieve anything with children. We should
have “eye” communication. You should be able to simply
look at them in a certain way and have them understand.
There should never be the need to raise your voice.
can see clearly now that that was not the way to teach me.
I can see, in retrospect, how much more I learned through
his silence or through his calm (and sometimes stern)
words, than through his slaps.
Our scriptures say that a mother and father are enemies
of their children unless they teach the children well, unless
they fulfill their duties of imparting understanding and
values. The scriptures say that these parents are enemies
of their children unless they provide real education.
Education does not mean simply dropping the children off
at school each morning. It means ensuring that they are
learning right from wrong, truth from falsehood, integrity
from deception.
This reminds me of a story I heard once. There was a man
who was caught stealing. As this was the last in a long string of
violent burglaries, the judge finally sentenced the man to death.
When the court asked the man what his last wish was, the man
replied, “I want to meet with my mother.” Thus, as the court
always tries to fulfill the last wish of dying men, the mother
was called. Upon her arrival, her son touched her feet and then,
suddenly, leaped up and bit her face, causing blood to rush out
of her gaping wounds. Everyone was astonished. Why would a
dying man viciously maim his own mother?
Yet, I also understand that this is not easy. It is not easy to
be calm when we are full of rage inside. It is not easy to
use a velvet touch when our instinct is to hit.
Perhaps we say, “But I was hit by my parents and by my
In explanation, the man replied, “If I am going to die, it is
because of her. All that I have become is because of her. When
teachers. That is just the way it should be.” Yet, we must
I was a small boy and I used to steal things, I would bring
be better than this. We must not fall into the trap of being
them to her and she would praise me. She never taught me
like robots, unable to think critically. I, too, was slapped
that stealing was wrong, she simply encouraged it. And when
by my first Spiritual Master. He believed it was the way to
she was angry with me, she never explained to me what I had
teach. Sure, at the time I obeyed him. I feared him. But, I
done wrong. She never sat me down and tenderly helped me
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