The Cowboy Philosopher - Activity Connection

"The Cowboy Philosopher"
William Penn Adair Rogers, humorist and Hollywood cowboy, was born on
November 4, 1879.
Will Rogers' Quotes
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody
else.”
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just
sit there."
“The minute that you read something that you can't understand,
you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.”
“We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go
by.”
"Nothing you can't spell will ever work."
“Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.”
"If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you
think wild geese are for anyway?"
"Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due."
"We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs."
"Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork, but even now if nobody is around, we
use our fingers."
"A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with
smarter people"
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in."
"When you write down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the
bad things you did do - that’s memoirs."
"It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for
you."
ActivityConnection.com – Will Rogers Quotes 1

"Never miss a chance to shut up."
“So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot
to the town gossip.”
“Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock
and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't
buy it.”
“If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?”
“Americans are getting like a Ford car. They all have the same exact parts, the
same upholstering and make exactly the same noises.”
"If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody
else's dog around."
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed
through life trying to save.”
“I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twentyeight
years ago.”
"No nation ever had two better friends that we have. You know who they are?
The Atlantic and Pacific oceans."
“Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for
something they don't need.”
"If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as
they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.”
“An onion can make people cry, but there's never been a vegetable that can make
people laugh.”
“And the thing about my jokes is they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or
leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or
whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a
joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!”
“Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.”
“Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.”
ActivityConnection.com – Will Rogers Quotes 2

“One way to solve the traffic problem would be to keep all the cars that are
not paid for off the streets. Children could use the streets for playgrounds
then.”
“I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a
town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.”
“In Hollywood, you can see things at night that are fast
enough to be in the Olympics in the daytime.”
“Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote
learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment
prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as
good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we
would have the smartest race of people on earth.”
“It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that
counts.”
“Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.”
“The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is
looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope,
but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.”
“The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud
yourself.”
“The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.”
“Things ain't what they used to be and never were.”
"My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they met 'em at the boat."
“You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.”
"If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make
sure it's still there."
"The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is
the matter-he's got to just know."
"The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf."
ActivityConnection.com – Will Rogers Quotes 3

"I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have
never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at
yourself you forget to hate your enemies. "
“They may call me a 'rube' and a 'hick,' but I'd a lot rather be the man who
bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.”
"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your
pocket."
"In 1914, United States Marines landed at Vera Cruz, Mexico, to protect Standard
Oil's interests. Next week, Standard Oil, in repayment for the Marines' courtesy,
raised price of gas three cents."
"I maintain that it should cost as much to get married as to get divorced. Make it
look like marriage is worth as much as divorce, even if it ain't."
"There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works."
"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."
"I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they
now do."
"If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging."
"You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going
broke betting on people."
"They used to take your horse and if they were caught, they got hung for it. Now if
they take your car and if they are caught, it's a miracle."
"There is something about riding down the street on a prancing horse that makes
you feel like something, even when you ain't a thing."
"Live your life so that whenever you lose, you are ahead."
~ Will Rogers
ActivityConnection.com – Will Rogers Quotes 4