playS and MuSicalS - Contemporary Drama Service

The Carol Burnett Show
The
CAROL BURNETT SHOW
Donation to Navajo Indian Children’s Scholarship Trust
Associate producer Robert Wright and the entire staff of the Carol Burnett Show are
donating their share of profits from the sale of this comedy material to the Navajo Indian
Children’s Scholarship Trust.
These are authentic comedy sketch scripts from the CBS network series. Not a word changed!
Use them in many ways:
1. Produce your own comedy show
2. Put on a live stage show
3. Practice comedy techniques in speech and drama class
Note: Preview copies of The Carol
Burnett Show Comedy Kits will
include only two sample sketches.
Comedy Kit A-1 Find other Carol Burnett Comedy Kits on our website!
Packet of 5 sketches with 11 scripts: $26.95 Order #R-P086
Five sketches for stage presentations: 1. Red Dust — An MGM jungle movie parody. 2. Return to Andy
Hardy — A parody of the Hardy Brothers movies. 3. As the Stomach Turns — A soap opera parody. 4. Alice
Portnoy and the Bank Robbers — Alice puts the finger on four gangsters and ends up with all the loot.
5. Old Folks #1 — Old Molly cools old Bert’s ardor with one-liner put-downs.
Comedy Kit A-2
Packet of 4 sketches with 16 scripts: $26.95 Order #R-P084
Three movie parodies and a comedy sketch: 1. Lovely Story — A tearjerker take-off of the bittersweet epic, Love
Story. Lots of sight gags and comic lines. 2. The Most Happy Stella — A silly spoof of the Broadway musical,
A Most Happy Fellow. Old Nick gets his mail-order bride, but loses her. 3. Flight #13 to Nowhere — Remember
the suspenseful movie, Airport? Any resemblance between this and the original is comically accidental. 4. As the
Stomach Turns — Another episode of the soap opera where everything happens to everybody. A teenage temptress
destroys the home and every man who enters it, from Gramps to the good village doctor. Elegantly exaggerated.
Comedy Kit A-3
Packet of 5 sketches with 9 scripts: $26.95 Order #R-P128
Five selected sketches for casual presentation with limited props and staging requirements: 1. Bonnie & Clod — A takeoff
on the movie Bonnie & Clyde. 2. The Coffee Commercial — Two members of the Garden Club are
asked to do a TV testimonial. It ends up in a free-for-all. 3. The Wallflowers — Two girls suffer as they wait
to be asked to dance. 4. The Late Date — Little sister stays out too late. Everyone gets hysterical with worry.
5. Hospital Nudge — George is ready for major surgery, but gets no sympathy from his wife, Zelda.
Comedy Kit A-4
Packet of 5 sketches with 10 scripts: $26.95 Order #R-P220
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Five medium-length comedy / variety sketches: 1. High School Classmates — When Sophia and Harriet meet several
years after graduation, Harriet doesn’t let Sophia forget how much better she has done. 2. Insurance Adjuster —
Herbert and Sylvia purchase a homeowner’s policy from an All-Heart Insurance salesman. When fire destroys their
house, they discover how much heart there is in All-Heart! 3. Fireside Girl — Alice Portnoy, sweet little Fireside Girl,
raises money for her group using very unsweet methods on her poor bachelor neighbor. 4. The Rolls Royce — Two
“ugly Americans” learn from a British salesman that they must be worthy to own this car of cars. 5. The Old
Folks #2 — Bert tries to persuade Molly to take a glamorous vacation together.
Comedy Kit A-5
Packet of 4 sketches with 12 scripts: $26.95 Order #R-P297
Two movie parodies and two comedies: 1. So Proudly We Heal — A stirring saga of Army nurses in World
War II. 2. Guess What’s Coming to Dinner — Carol’s son brings home his chosen bride-to-be. But she’s
“different.” In fact, she’s a mermaid! They try not to be prejudiced, with disastrous results. 3. The
Exterminator — A bug exterminator loses his nerve. He loses the old killer instinct and can’t go on. His wife
tricks him into making a brave comeback. 4. Prison Nudge — Poor George is about to walk the last mile. His
wife, Zelda, arrives. She nags him until he wishes to die quickly. Unfortunately, he gets a last-minute reprieve.
Comedy Kit A-6
Packet of 4 sketches with 11 scripts: $26.95 Order #R-P298
One movie parody and three comedy/variety sketches: 1. Gone with the Breeze — A silly spoof of the movie,
Gone With the Wind. 2. Passion on 10th Avenue — Art Carney starred in this one. Carol Burnett (Gertie)
is an insanely jealous wife who thinks every woman is desperately in love with Art (Harry), her garbage-man
husband. 3. The Welfare Worker — The 10th Avenue Couple (lazy slobs) are visited by a lady welfare worker.
4. The Old Folks #3 — A two-character sketch featuring the rocking chair lovers mostly reminiscing. Not
much else left. Funny stuff.
Comedy Kit A-9
Packet of 5 sketches with 13 scripts: $26.95 Order #R-P503
Five medium-length comedy sketches: 1. The Howl and the Pussycat — Carol’s fiancé accidentally gets
allergy shots and starts acting like a cat as he seeks approval from Carol’s rich father. 2. Alice Portnoy at the
Hospital — Alice meets an insurance scam artist in the hospital and uses leverage to collect contributions from
him. 3. Divorce, American-Style — A neglected wife and workaholic husband argue about their material
possessions, and end up destroying most of them. 4. As the Stomach Turns (soap opera) — More insane
situations at Canoga Falls, where everyone has problems aplenty. 5. The Old Folks #4 — Another suitor tries
to capture old Molly’s fancy, much to Bert’s dismay.