Conversations with Avant-garde Sages - The Wizard LLC

Conversations with Avant-garde Sages
there. When I say we don't stop there I mean each of us
individually, but also it's how we spend our time together. We
look at the belief that is motivating the problem, so for example for
a long time for us it was she had the thought ‘I want to be free, I
want to be free to love whoever I love’. And I had the thought;’ I
want to be loved exclusively’.
And all I can say is before this relationship I thought relationship
meant, and I would have never said it like this, but I basically
thought relationship meant having someone fulfill my
expectations, that's what love is, I want you to agree with me, I
want you to do what I want you to do. I want you to figure out
what pleases me and do that. And I had really seen how that
doesn't work, like where does that work? Who wants to do that?
That's not how relationships actually work.
So from the beginning with some actually pretty intense issues,
because the whole notion of polyamory was totally bizarre to me
when I first heard of it. I just said, okay, I'm going to really,
because I don't feel like I have a choice, I'm going to really look.
Do I really need you to love me exclusively? And similarly it
wasn't just me, she was doing the same thing with her own
thoughts, and it's just like I was talking about before, what I began
to notice over time was that my demands that the relationship
make me happy were in fact, I'm sorry this has taken so long to
say, my demands on the relationship that it make me happy were
in fact the thing that was making me unhappy. And we wound up
creating a life together that has been more fulfilling than anything
I could have ever imagined. But it didn't happen because I made a
list of what I wanted her to be like, and set about getting her to be
that way. It happened because I decided I was willing to examine
every single thought I had that said that she should be different
than what she was.
TRIP: All the women are going to love you now.
WIZARD: I have to confess, I've been through that same school of
fierce grace, and I concur. I hear you. And it's a bitch [Laughs].
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