Conversations with Avant-garde Sages - The Wizard LLC

Conversations with Avant-garde Sages
SCOTT KILOBY: Yes, yes. That just came up for me with the
addiction thing. I mean, I saw when I moved from my addiction of
substances into my addiction towards enlightenment, I was doing
the same thing, I was looking for pleasurable space and
experiences and sensation, which kept me like that little
laboratory rat on the wheel that just keeps spinning, he thinks he's
going to get there if he just accumulates enough experiences or if
he tries to keep the good experiences around, or get back to the
good experiences. And all he ever does is experience the wheel
continuing to go around, and he's really experiencing suffering
because the moment I went to chase after… the moment I was
moving away from what was presently happening, or thinking that
I was moving away, I was seeking in time again to cover that up, or
make it go away in favor of some other later experience. But as I
begin to just recognize myself as that presence based on which all
the positive and negative thoughts, and emotions, and sensations
come and go, you really start to welcome all the good and bad
because you see that the awareness so to speak can handle all of it,
I mean because it is all of it, it is all of it. So awareness is not just
good feeling, good thoughts, and pleasurable spiritual experience,
it's also it could be just as easily a moment of feeling just bored or
angry or frustrated. The point is there's a lot of these things that
might die down, they did for me, a lot of the highs and lows, but in
the end the freedom for me has been letting all of those things be
as they are, because they are already that way. And so to fight that
doesn't make sense, it starts to hurt actually.
WIZARD: Saniel Bonder brings that up a lot, the acceptance of
that wound frees us from that, just accepting oneself totally and
confessing that, as you have done, Scott. I mean, it is part of the
letting go and transcendence.
TRIP: I think one of the fundamental illnesses of our culture is
that unlike the Native Americans who didn't view any experience
as good or bad, it was all beneficial. We bifurcate everything into
good and bad, everything.
WIZARD: It's what the mind does.
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