Conversations with Avant-garde Sages - The Wizard LLC

Conversations with Avant-garde Sages
this is when he got really honest with me and with himself. What
was really happening was like you said, it was fear, and it was
more specifically what he was faced with was his inability to
control another human being, his inability to control all this
moment. And what started to appear was just feeling of
helplessness, of weakness, of what's wrong with me, why can't I do
it. And then all of these images, so he had this image of himself as
a father, good strong man, strong father, in the moment he felt like
a helpless child. In the face of his children, he felt like a little baby
unable to control this moment, unable to control his children. But
then what he was faced with was failure of these images, like failed
father. This was when you really get down to the basic stuff; this is
like the nitty gritty stuff, failed images, failed father, failed man. I
mean that's what he was coming up against really, failed human
being at its root really, and a failed human being. I failed to… this
total feeling of helplessness. And that's when he lashed out was
when he felt the most helpless, that's when he lashed out at his
children in order for a moment just to get some relief, to feel
powerful.
So that's where the seeking was, in a way he wasn't allowing
himself just to feel what he felt, which was in that moment the
Truth was he just felt helpful. So what we did in the retreat was
just to find the place where, just in that moment, could that be
okay; all these feelings in himself that basically through his whole
life had never been okay. No one had ever told him that it might
just be okay to feel helpless for a moment. No one had ever
pointed that out, because who talks about this stuff really; and
discovering that it was actually okay to feel helpless in the face of
his children. And then somehow he was able to have a more
authentic relationship with them, without pretending to be strong
father, strong man, getting angry, it wasn't working. If it was
working it would have been great, but it wasn't working. And he
was losing contact with his kids he was losing the connection, he
was losing because he was performing to himself and to them,
pretending to be the strong father, when he didn't feel like that.
WIZARD: The situation itself was a teaching.
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