BIOGRAPHY of ST GEMMA GALGANI - Get a Free Blog

And then to what order? She was in a religious house now, at any rate, and that was better than going back
into the world. However God had not destined her to become a Visitandine. And He would bring about the
accomplishment of His designs in her regard.
At Gemma's request the nuns approached Archbishop Ghilardi for permission to accept her-a permission he
did not wish to grant. He hesitated because of her delicate health. The only favour he would grant was that
she might stay in the convent until May 21 in order to be present at the profession of several novices.
Gemma, however, was not told of this decision until the very last moment. She was so impressed by the
ceremony that forgetful of herself she continued her prayers until the afternoon, when nature got the upper
hand and she felt she was going to faint. The nuns, upset over their forgetfulness, tried immediately to make
reparation for their neglect.
The Superior then called Gemma and with regret told her of the Archbishop's decision. Gemma felt it very
much. In an instant all her hopes were dashed to the ground. But she was as usual resigned, knowing that
God would manifest His will. I At five o'clock in the evening of May 21, 1899, I had to leave,' she wrote in her
Autobiography. 'Weeping I asked the blessing of the Mother Superior and said good-bye to the nuns. My
God, what sorrow '
To alleviate Gemma's sorrow somewhat, the nuns held out the hope that she would later on be accepted.
She was therefore constantly at the convent to inquire whether the Archbishop had yet given the desired
consent. She still remembered, no doubt, that her Divine Master had told her that she was to lead a more
austere life. But she was so anxious to leave the world that she felt compelled to go every day to the
convent. But instead of diminishing, difficulties increased. The question of a dowry now arose, but what
dowry could a family reduced to such poverty provide? Her aunt at Camaiore had bought all that was
necessary for her entrance into the convent, but Gemma never needed the clothes, which were given to her
sister Angiolina, much against Gemma's will, as she wanted them to be given to the poor. But this outfit was
not a dowry. In the end it appeared this talk of a dowry was only an excuse for not telling her the whole truth,
which was that she could not be received unless four doctors certified her to be in perfect health. The poor
girl endeavoured to procure these certificates but without success. She obtained one, at a time when it was
too late to be of use: it bore the date of December 27, 1899. It was with the idea, it seems, of entering
another order, the Mantellates, that she secured this certificate, but it did not help her. In the end Gemma
began to realize the meaning of all these difficulties, these demands, these evasions. She begged light from
God and understood that her vocation did not lie in that direction.
But what was the reason of it all? Writing some years later to her director, Father Germanus, she said:
‘Already for several years I had been conscious of a desire to be a religious, but I spoke to no one about it,
except my confessor and the family. All were satisfied. So on May 11, I went to make a retreat and after
eighteen days the matter was settled. It was arranged that I was to enter for good in June. I was very happy.
Yet when I was told that I could come, I experienced a strange inner conviction that all my efforts to enter
would be of no avail. I also often heard a voice whispering: " You shall not enter there." I did not mention
these things to my confessor because I wanted to enter a convent so that I could devote myself entirely to
God. And I knew that all Rules were good. But when the time came for entering, the confessor of the convent
opposed my entrance and nothing could move him from his decision.' [Lettere ed estasi, p. 40.]
The confessor that opposed Gemma's entrance acted at the instigation and on the suggestion of the doctor,
who said that her mother had died of tuberculosis. The Lord was leading Gemma along another path. His
ways are not our ways!
CHAPTER X
THE STIGMATA -IN THE HOME AGAIN
When Gemma realized that the doors of the Visitation Convent at Lucca were definitely closed against her,
she felt like one who had been shipwrecked and who was on the point of reaching the shore, only to be
dashed back again into the open sea. Once more she was amongst the things she imagined she had said
good-bye to for ever. How would she be able to adapt herself again to home life? However, the will of God
which she always sought to know and to follow sustained her in this circumstance. God would certainly make
known what He desired of her, but in the meantime she would return to her family and apply herself earnestly
to the faithful fulfilment of her duties.
32