BIOGRAPHY of ST GEMMA GALGANI - Get a Free Blog

visit, towards the end of 1893, the shadow of the Cross had appeared in her path, and thorns had torn her
heart.
A YEAR OF DESOLATION
But it must not be thought that Gemma's life was full of that sweetness and peace of mind which she
experienced on the day of her first Holy Communion; such is not the lot of those who follow the Crucified.
Very soon the Divine Spouse of souls pressed to her lips that chalice of bitterness and sorrow which in her
short life she drank to the very dregs. Her trial at this time was a deep dejection of mind, which she felt all the
more because until now she had lived entirely and only for her heavenly Spouse. If all earthly helps and
consolations were taken away, she would have accounted it as nothing, as will be seen from the following
pages. But to feel no longer the presence of Jesus, to be as it were almost abandoned by Him, this was a
torment too hard to bear. Those hours of desolation are terrible to souls on fire with love for God, and this
trial is for them a decisive experience. If they struggle and conquer and persevere in their love, the way of
great and rapid strides towards perfection and union with God is opened to them; if they give up the struggle
and lay down their arms, they take a path that leads away from God, perhaps to eternal ruin.
Though Gemma came out of this trial victorious, it was only after a long and painful struggle. Instead of
having consolation and pleasure in serving God, and ease in the practice of virtue, she now experienced
repugnance for prayer and every exercise of piety, and weariness and sadness. Jesus seemed far away and
unreal. She wept and cried out in her anguish, but her tears were in vain. Yet she persevered. The more God
seemed to fly from her, the more earnestly did she seek Him.
During the whole course of this trial, which lasted a year, Gemma, although her heart was heavy, faithfully
followed the path of duty. Nevertheless, she found in herself only faults. and failings. She believed she was
giving scandal to everybody and often asked pardon for this with great humility. She even wanted to make
another general confession, but her confessor prudently withheld his consent. 'I tried to make another
general confession,' she wrote in her Autobiography, 'but I was refused permission. I confessed to Jesus,
however, and He filled me with such great sorrow that I even feel it still. I asked the teachers to forgive me for
all the annoyance I caused them. But this change in me did not please my father or my brothers. I was often
reproved by one of my brothers for getting up early to go to Mass. Jesus, however, from then on helped me
more than ever. At that time, owing to the death of my grandfather and an uncle, two of my father's sisters
came to live with us.'
Gemma, in the above passage, reveals another source of sorrow and another temptation, which might have
led a soulless strong than hers to become somewhat relaxed in the practice of piety. Her family did not
understand her ever-growing desire for greater union with God, or her manner of life which was becoming
every day secluded. Even her father, who was as we have seen a truly pious man, sided with the rest of the
family in reproving her. They disapproved of her going to church both morning and evening, and wished her
to lead what they considered an ordinary life to amuse herself, wear more fashionable clothes and to go out
and about more often. It must have been a hard struggle for Gemma, but she persevered in her resolutions
in the face of all opposition. To reward her fidelity God dispelled the darkness that had enveloped her and her
soul, which emerged from the trial purified and strengthened. At length the attitude of her family changed and
she was able to pursue in peace her pious practices.
SPIRITUAL EXERCISES, 1891
A long-desired opportunity to make closed retreat was offered to Gemma at this time, when the Zitine Sisters
announced that a course of spiritual exercises was to be given at the College. She participated in them with
zest. 'It seemed impossible,' she wrote, ' that I should ever again be able to concentrate my mind upon
Jesus. . . . I well understood that Jesus gave me this opportunity in order that I might know myself better and
become purified and more pleasing to Him.'
In her Autobiography she gives the notes she took at this Retreat: they are headed thus: 'A Retreat made in
the year 189 I in which Gemma must change and give herself entirely to Jesus.' Then she continues:
'. . . I remember that the priest said: "Let us keep in mind that we are nothing and that God is all. God is our
Creator; all that we have and are comes from Him." A few days later the preacher gave a meditation on sin,
and then it was that I understood how worthy of being despised by all I was, because I was so full of sin and
so ungrateful to God. During the meditation on Hell I realized how much I had merited it, and I made this
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