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From the time he was small, Siddhartha had been taught the four stages of a brahman’s life. In youth, a brahman studied the Vedas. In
the second stage, he married, raised a family, and served society. In the third stage, when his children were grown, he could retire and
devote himself to religious studies. And in the fourth stage, released from every tie and obligation, a brahman could live the life of a monk.
Siddhartha thought about it and concluded that by the time one was old, it would be too late to study the Way. He did not want to wait that
long.
“Why can’t a person live all four ways at once? Why can’t a man pursue a religious life while he still has a family?”
Siddhartha wanted to study and practice the Way in the very midst of his present life. Of course, he could not refrain from thinking about
famous teachers in distant places such as Savatthi or Rajagaha. He was sure that if he could find a way to study with such masters, he
would make much more progress. The monks and teachers he frequently met had all mentioned the names of certain great masters such as
Alara Kalama and Uddaka Ramaputta. Everyone aspired to study with such masters and each day, Siddhartha felt his own desire grow
ever more urgent.
One afternoon Yasodhara came home, her face filled with grief. She did not speak to anyone. A young child she had tended for more
than a week had just died. Despite all her efforts, she could not rescue the child from death’s grasp. Overcome with sadness, she sat in
meditation while tears streamed down her cheeks. It was impossible to hold back feelings. When Siddhartha returned from a meeting at
court, she again burst into tears. Siddhartha held her in his arms and tried to console her.
“Gopa, tomorrow I will go with you to the funeral. Cry now, it will lessen the pain in your heart. Birth, old age, sickness, and death are
heavy burdens each of us carries in this life. What has happened to the child could happen to any of us at any moment.”
Yasodhara spoke between sobs, “Each day, I see how true all the things you have said are. My two hands are so small compared to the
immensity of suffering. My heart is constantly filled with anxiety and sorrow. O husband, please show me how I can overcome the suffering
in my heart.”
Siddhartha embraced Yasodhara tightly in his arms. “My wife, I myself am seeking a path to overcome the suffering and anxiety in my
own heart. I have seen into the situation of society and human beings, but despite all my efforts, I have not yet seen the way to liberation.
Yet I feel sure that one day I will find a way for all of us. Gopa, please have faith in me.”
“I have never been without faith in you, my darling. I know that once you have resolved to accomplish something, you will pursue it until