old-path-white-clouds-thich-nhat-hanh

Chapter Forty-Two
Love Is Understanding
King Pasenadi came all alone to visit the Buddha, unaccompanied by even a guard. He left his carriage and driver at the monastery gate.
He was greeted by the Buddha in front of the Buddha’s thatched hut. After exchanging formal greetings, the king spoke to the Buddha most
frankly, “Teacher Gautama, people praise you as the Buddha, one who has attained perfect enlightenment. But I have been asking myself
how could one as young as yourself have attained enlightenment. Even the great masters such as Purana Kassapa, Makkhali Gosala,
Nigantha Nathaputta, and Sanjaya Belatthiputta, who are all advanced in years, do not claim to have attained total enlightenment. Not even
Pakudha Kaccayana and Ajita Kesakambali. Do you know of these masters?”
The Buddha responded, “Your majesty, I have heard of all those masters and have met a number of them. Spiritual realization does not
depend on age. Months and years do not guarantee the presence of enlightenment. There are some things which should never be disdained
—a young prince, a small snake, a spark of fire, and a young monk. A prince may be young but he possesses the characteristics and
destiny of a king. A small poisonous snake can kill a grown man in an instant. One spark of fire can cause an entire forest or a large city to
burn to ash. And a young monk can attain total enlightenment ! Your majesty, a wise person never disdains a young prince, a small snake, a
spark of fire, or a young monk.”
King Pasenadi looked at the Buddha. He was impressed. The Buddha had spoken in a calm and quiet voice and what he had said was
at once simple and profound. The king felt he could trust the Buddha. He then asked the question that was burning within him.
“Teacher Gautama, there are people who say you advise people not to love. They say you have said that the more a person loves, the
more he will suffer and despair. I can see some truth in that statement, but I am unable to find peace with it. Without love, life would seem
empty of meaning. Please help me resolve this.”
The Buddha looked at the king warmly. “Your majesty, your question is a very good one, and many people can benefit from it. There
are many kinds of love. We should examine closely the nature of each kind of love. Life has a great need of the presence of love, but not
the sort of love that is based on lust, passion, attachment, discrimination, and prejudice. Majesty, there is another kind of love, sorely
needed, which consists of loving kindness and compassion, or maitri and karuna.
“Usually when people speak of love they are referring only to the love that exists between parents and children, husbands and wives,
family members, or the members of one’s caste or country. Because the nature of such love depends on the concepts of ‘me’ and ‘mine’, it
remains entangled in attachment and discrimination. People want only to love their parents, spouse, children, grandchildren, their own
relatives and countrymen. Because they are caught in attachment, they worry about accidents that could befall their loved ones even before
such things actually take place. When such accidents do occur, they suffer terribly. Love that is based on discrimination breeds prejudice.
People become indifferent or even hostile to those outside their own circle of love. Attachment and discrimination are sources of suffering
for ourselves and others. Majesty, the love for which all beings truly hunger is loving kindness and compassion. Maitri is the love that has
the capacity to bring happiness to another. Karuna is the love which has the capacity to remove another’s suffering. Maitri and karuna do
not demand anything in return. Loving kindness and compassion are not limited to one’s parents, spouse, children, relatives, caste
members, and countrymen. They extend to all people and all beings. In maitri and karuna there is no discrimination, no ‘mine’ or ‘not mine.’
And because there is no discrimination, there is no attachment. Maitri and karuna bring happiness and ease suffering. They do not cause
suffering and despair. Without them, life would be empty of meaning, as you said. With loving kindness and compassion, life is filled with
peace, joy, and contentment. Majesty, you are the ruler of an entire country. All your people would benefit by your practice of loving
kindness and compassion.”
The king bent his head in thought. He looked up and asked the Buddha, “I have a family to care for and a country to rule. If I don’t love
my own family and people, how can I care for them? Please help clarify this for me.”
“Naturally, you should love your own family and people. But your love can also extend beyond your own family and people. You love
and care for the prince and princess, but that doesn’t prevent you from loving and caring for the other young people in the kingdom. If you
can love all the young people, your now limited love will become an all embracing love, and all the young people of the kingdom will be as
your children. That is what is meant by having a heart of compassion. It is not just some ideal. It is something which can actually be realized,
especially by someone like you who has so many means at his disposal.”
“But what about the young people of other kingdoms?”
“Nothing prevents you from loving the young people of other kingdoms as your sons and daughters, even though they do not dwell under
your rule. Just because one loves one’s own people is no reason not to love the peoples of other kingdoms.”