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One afternoon, the Buddha received a young man whose face was lined with grief and misery. The Buddha learned that the man had
recently lost his only son and for several days had stood in the cemetery crying out loud, “My son, my son, where have you gone?” The
man was unable to eat, drink, or sleep.
The Buddha told him, “In love there is suffering.”
The man objected, “You are wrong. Love doesn’t cause suffering. Love brings only happiness and joy.”
The bereaved man abruptly left before the Buddha could explain what he had meant. The man wandered aimlessly about until he
stopped to chat with a group of men gambling in the street. He told them of his encounter with the Buddha. The men agreed with him that
the Buddha was mistaken.
“How can love cause suffering? Love brings only happiness and joy! You’re right. That monk Gautama was wrong.”
Before long, news of this story spread throughout Savatthi and became a subject for heated debate. Many spiritual leaders contended
that the Buddha was wrong about love. This matter reached the ears of King Pasenadi and that evening during the family meal, he said to
the queen, “The monk the people call ‘Buddha’ may not be as great a teacher as the people seem to think he is.”
The queen asked, “What makes you say that? Has someone said something bad about Teacher Gautama?”
“This morning, I heard some palace officials discussing Gautama. They said that according to him, the more you love the more you
suffer.”
The queen said, “If Gautama said that, it is undoubtedly true.”
The king retorted impatiently, “You shouldn’t speak like that. Examine things for yourself. Don’t be like some small child who believes
everything the teacher says.”
The queen said no more. She knew that the king had not yet met the Buddha. The next morning she asked a close friend, the brahman
Nalijangha, to visit the Buddha and ask him whether or not he had said that love was the source of suffering, and if he had to explain why.
She asked her friend to note carefully everything the Buddha said and report back to her.
Nalijangha went to see the Buddha and asked him the queen’s question. The Buddha responded, “Recently I heard that a woman in
Savatthi lost her mother. She was so grief-stricken that she lost her mind and has been wandering the streets asking everyone, ‘Have you
seen my mother? Have you seen my mother?’ I also heard about two young lovers who committed suicide together because the girl’s
parents were forcing her to marry someone else. These two stories alone demonstrate that love can cause suffering.”
Nalijangha repeated the Buddha’s words to Queen Mallika. One day soon after that she caught the king in a moment of leisure, and she
asked him, “My husband, do you not love and cherish Princess Vajiri?”
“Indeed I do,” answered the king, surprised by the question.
“If some misfortune befell her, would you suffer?”
The king was startled. Suddenly he saw clearly that the seeds of suffering existed within love. His sense of well-being was replaced with
worry. The Buddha’s words contained a cruel truth which greatly disturbed the king. He said, “I will go visit this monk Gautama as soon as
I have a chance.”
The queen was happy for she was confident that once the king met the Buddha, he would understand how extraordinary the Buddha’s
teaching was.