IS BRITNEY'S DAD KEEPING HER MAD? - South African Adult Babies

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24 JANUARY 2013 | #320 

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FIRST INTERVIEW! VIE I W! 

ADULT BABY SYNDROME ROME M 

SA MAN (40) TELLS LS 

HIS SHOCKING SECRET ECRET 

I CAN’T LIVE 

WITHOUT MY 

NAPPY & DUMMY MMY 

EDUCATION CRISIS S 

A LEVELS, O LEVELS, LS, 

PRIVATE OR MODEL EL C 

THE BEST CHOICE E 

FOR YOUR CHILD 

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YOUNG, GIFTED 

& GORGEOUS 

RUGBY’S ETZEBETH 

ON LOVE, CHILLING 

AND WINNING 

THE WORLD CUP 

LATEST CRISIS 

SPLIT FROM FIANCÉ, TV SHOW DISASTER 

– CONTROLLING FATHER BLAMED 

IS BRITNEY’S DAD 

KEEPING HER MAD?

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Contents 

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Issue No 320 24 JANUARY 2013 

Creative director Mari van der Berg 

Production editor Alfie Steyn 

Senior copy editor Sandy Cook 

Art director Michael Muller 

LIFESTYLE ............... 29 

Celebrity & teens editor Esté Langeveldt 

Entertainment editor Gilda Narsimdas 

Education editor Gerda Engelbrecht 

Fabulous food with fruit ......... 30 

Copy editors Willem Möller (chief), Lynn Ely, Maya Morgan, 

Ronel Scheffer, Sandra Visser 

Budget meals for the week ....... 33 

Writers (Cape Town) Nici de Wet, Victor Lampert, John Phillips, 

Cecilia van Zyl 

Staffroom revamp for teachers .... 34 

Writers (Gauteng) Sulaiman Philip, Asa Sokopo 

Picture editor Rena Tiran 

Picture researchers Jeanne Steunenberg, Nigel Lotter 

Dress up in denim .............. 36 

Lifestyle & wellness Liezel Joubert (editor), Kim Arendse 

(asst editor), Elna van der Merwe (rewriter) 

Look years younger ............. 38 

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Fiction Cecilia van Zyl 

Health news ................... 42 

Reviews Willem Möller (editor) 

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Ask Dr Louise .................. 44 

Chief photographer Jacques Stander 

Photographers (Cape Town) David Briers, Martin de Kock, Corrie Hansen, 

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Your money: holiday homes ...... 46 

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Wagheeba January (reception) 

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12 

More pain for pop princess Britney Spears 

NEWS 

Cover stories 

Man baby tells of secret life .......... 6 

Matric pass rate: ‘it’s not real’ ......... 8 

Britney: still under dad’s thumb ...... 12 

The right pill for your pain ........... 16 

Bok Etzebeth on rugby and love ..... 18 

The truth behind lying .............. 22 

Justin Bieber poster ............... 66 

2013’s top 10 cars ................. 95 

Articles 

Letters ............................ 4 

Suitcase murder woman’s new life . . . 14 

Another Clinton for president? . . . . . . . 20 

Join the Madiba walk .............. 24 

Ubuntu brings joy to family .......... 27 

Boy (6) devoted to ill twin .......... 101 

Swimming star’s private battle ...... 104 

Girl (9) the toast of Tinseltown ...... 108 

Vuyo’s big, big dream ............. 110 

Hand transplant joy for granddad . . . 112 

White woman’s shackland life ...... 114 

Asperger’s boy turns novelist ....... 116 

Messi, emperor of the soccer pitch . . . 118 

Celeb news 

Scene and heard ................. 120 

Have you heard .................. 122 

Stargaze . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 126 

118 

Lionel Messi: world’s best footballer – at 25! 

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YOU SAY 

THE world is 

a complicated 

place and there 

are many 

times I’m quite 

relieved not to 

have children. 

One area that would have me in 

a total twist is education and my 

heart goes out to parents who have 

so many questions to grapple 

with. What is the best for my 

children? What would set them on 

a path to a successful future? Can 

our education system equip them 

well enough for the career path 

they’ve set their hearts on? 

The state of education in SA is 

fraught with problems. Each time I hear of another disaster, 

whether it’s dumped textbooks or kids studying under trees in 

all sorts of weather, my heart sinks. There are so many wrongs 

to right it’s easy to feel despondent at times. 

There has been much speculation about the standard of 

education – and the number of matrics getting a full house 

of distinctions is indicative not necessarily of their ability but 

of the general state of the system. Standards, experts such as 

Professor Jonathan Jansen say, are being lowered and it’s not 

doing anyone any favours – neither the kids who get seven 

or eight distinctions nor those who scrape through with 

30 per cent. 

On page 8 we take an in-depth look at the issue and debate 

whether it’s time to introduce the international system of 

O and A levels to raise the bar and better equip more children 

to study further at tertiary institutions. 

There are no obvious answers. There is no easy solution. 

But what is obvious is that something has to be done to 

improve the standard of education across the board. 

We just can’t go on like this. 

Till next week, 

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4 | 24 JANUARY 2013 you.co.za 

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ACHEEEEEEE, 


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& GORGEOUS 



AND WINNING 

THE WORLD CUP 




KEEPING HER MAD? 

Letters, YOU, PO Box 7167, Roggebaai 8012; fax 021-406-2937 or 

e-mail letters@you.co.za. Letters should not be longer than 200 

words. Opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of YOU’s 

editorial team. We cannot undertake to respond to all letters. The 

sender of the winning letter receives R300. 

WINNING 

LETTER 

‘I should be 

grateful and rejoice 

in the years I 

have had’ 

CYCLING’S LOSS 

Burry Stander, your untimely 

death bought tears of shock and 

true sadness. My eight-year-old 

son, who shares your surname, is 

one of your biggest fans. He cried 

when we broke the news to him. 

He too is a great mountain 

biker with a few medals of his 

own. You’ll remain his hero and 

his aim is to keep the Stander 

name alive in the MTB world. I 

know your pictures on his wall 

will keep him inspired. 

Thank you for being the champion 

you were and will always be, 

to my boy and to so many others. 

RIP, Burry. 

JACKIE STANDER, E-MAIL 

B It was gloomy and overcast 

when I left home just after 6 am 

so I had my lights on. At the first 

robot, two cyclists pulled in 

alongside me. They were well 

WRITE TO US 

MINE WILL BE A 

LIFE OF NO REGRETS 

SUNTANNING by the pool on the 

warm morning of 21 December. 

I was quite relaxed and feeling the 

melodious vibes of my iPod when my 

younger cousin aged 11 swam up to the side of the pool and 

asked me, “Jordie, is the world really going to end tonight?” 

“Don’t be absurd!” I snapped, and she swam off. 

But I got to thinking, “What if?” I was only 15 and my whole life 

story was yet to play out. What if I never turned 16, or got a stable 

career or married? All my dreams and ambition shattered. 

Then reality struck. “Jordan, you’ve lived a privileged 15 years, 

which is way longer than many African children. I should be 

grateful and rejoice in the years I’ve had and be thankful for all 

the people in it.” 

I’ve decided to live my life without regrets and be open to new 

opportunities because our lives are gifts, therefore we should not 

waste them. 

JORDAN VOS, LIMPOPO 

‘It’s urgent to change people’s 

attitude to road safety’ 

YOU NEWS 

tition to local authorities in all the big cities 

Cherise has been left trau- in the country.” 

matised by her husband’s They’re already planning marches in Cape ROAD DEATHS OVER 

death. They were married 

Town, Johannesburg and on the KZN south THE FESTIVE SEASON 

only eight months ago. 

coast and want to use donations to cam- At the time of going to print more 

paign for changing the current traffic law than 1 300 road users, including pe- 

that stipulates a motorist must pass an athdestrians and cyclists, had lost their 

This is why the Stander family is in the lete or cyclist at a distance of 1,5 m to in- lives during the holidays. 

process of getting the Burry Stander Road crease this distance. 

“General recklessness, negligence, 

Safety Foundation off the ground 

They also want to support cyclists injured alcohol abuse, aggressive driving 

“It’s what he would have wanted – to in road accidents with their medical and and a lack of respect for law and 

GOODBYE, 

GOODB 

bring about a real change to the attitudes of legal bills. 

order are the main reasons for this,” 

motorists and cyclists.” She plans to be the A big dream is to have safe routes for cy- Road Traffic Management Corpora- 

public face of the foundation. 

clists and other athletes. 

tion (RTMC) spokesman Ashref 

“We’re trying to verbalise what so many “To other cyclists Burry was a legend but Ismail says. 

people are feeling after the accident,” says to me he was the perfect life partner,” Cher- The analysis of the death toll will 

Cherise Stander MY LOVE 

Zoon Cronje, the Stander family’s spokesise says about her husband who was widely be released only in February and it 

and Burry’s mom, 

man and a board member of the foundation. regarded as the mountain biker who would remains to be seen whether the final 

Mandie, at a com- 

“It’s urgent to change people’s attitudes to win gold at the next Olympic Games in Rio figure will exceed that of the previmemorative 

ride 

road safety and apply traffic rules,” he says. de Janeiro in 2016. Now he’ll never get ous festive season, when 1 771 

for him at Shelly 

And that goes for cyclists and motorists. there. 

people died in accidents. 

Beach. ABOVE Burry Stander’s widow, Cherise, plans 

“Motorists have a negative perception that “He was a gentle, loving person. I’ll always Road safety is an ongoing battle, 

RIGHT: One of his 

bikes has been 

some cyclists break traffic rules. 

look back at the short time we had together Ismail says, and the RTMC will beef 

to ensure her man didn’t die in vain 

left at the acci- 

“That’s why awareness needs to be raised and remember the love we had.” 

up its education and marketing prodent 

scene. 

both ways. Every cyclist needs to know Their decision to spend more time togethgramme in the run-up to Easter. 

By JACO HOUGH-COETZEE Pictures: ROWYN LOMBARD 

they’re an ambassador for their sport when er and train together was mutual, Cherise The programme aims to tackle al- 

they’re on the road, which is why they must says. During the festive season they cycled cohol abuse and reckless driving and 

ER voice sounds shaky and MTN OFM Classic cycle race. 

URRY Stander’s death sent shock- 

stick to the traffic rules.” 

along the KZN south coast but not on the promote the use of seatbelts. 

despondent. When Cherise They had big plans for the future and last waves through the country. Trib- 

The foundation also wants to put pressure day of the accident. Burry was on the way In addition the authorities will be 

Stander is asked about that year decided to spend more time together. utes poured in on social networks 

on the government to take steps to protect back from a training ride to their home in paying attention to vehicles’ road- 

fatal Thursday afternoon That’s why Cherise changed her focus from 

cyclists and set up a website where support- Port Shepstone. He phoned an hour before 

when she came upon the 

ers will be able to sign a petition and con- it happened. 

H 

BTwitter 

and Facebook and the 

worthiness and whether drivers are 

road riding to mountain biking. This year cycling community was outraged. 

competent. The RTMC aims to pull 

body of her husband, Olym- their schedules would be similar for the first For them it was one incident too many in 

tribute to the awareness campaign. 

His last words to Cherise were, “I love over a million vehicles a month. 

pic mountain biker Burry, next to the wreck time – something they were really looking which a cyclist had become the victim of a 

“Ultimately we want to hand over the pe- pe- you.” S 

of his bicycle she falls silent. 

forward to. 

reckless driver. 

The terrible events have become a blur But the new year was barely three days old The tribute ride, which started at St 

and she can’t remember the things described when 25-year-old Burry, second in the Michael’s-on-Sea, the beach at Shelly Beach, 

by bystanders who saw her embrace her world mountain bike rankings and South wasn’t the only one. All over the country, 

partner’s body. 

African champion, was hit by a taxi on a from Johannesburg to Cape Town, cyclists 

“I know people told me Burry was dead training ride in Shelly Beach, KwaZulu- pedalled to raise awareness among fellow 

but at that moment I didn’t understand,” she Natal , and died on the scene. The impact road users. 

says in measured tones. 

was so severe the bike snapped in half. On their bikes were wreaths and some 

She was later hospitalised and treated for She hasn’t thought about the future again wore T-shirts bearing the words RIP Burry. 

shock but a few days later when more than since, a shattered Cherise (23) says. For now At the accident scene in Shelly Beach 

a thousand fellow cyclists undertook a ride she’s put upcoming races on hold. Perhaps where the young champion cyclist died one 

RIGHT: Burry 

to honour Burry, Cherise, also a South Af- she’ll take out her bike again someday. of his bikes, painted white, has been chained 

and Cherise 

rican mountain bike and road cyclist, was “But I don’t know what’s going to happen. to a pole. 

tied the knot 

there. 

I haven’t made a final decision.” 

“It’s to remind people who drive past of 

last year. 

FAR RIGHT: 

Cycling was always the couple’s passion. One thing is certain: she’s going to throw Burry’s legacy,” Cherise says. “It must put 

A kiss for the 

They were married in May last year after her weight behind the Burry Stander Road the focus on road safety and that motorists 

Cape Epic 

Burry had popped the question on her 21st Safety Foundation. “Because Burry’s death must be more on the lookout for cyclists. 

champion. 

birthday in November 2010 during the must not have been in vain,” she says. Too many cyclists die on our roads.” 

10 | 17 JANUARY 2013 you.co.za you.co.za 17 JANUARY 2013 | 11 

GALLO IMAGES/FOTO24/LERATO MADUNA, GALLO IMAGES/DERYCK VAN STEENDEREN 

toned, kitted in their close-fitting 

gear and on impressive racing 

bikes. They were wearing grey 

with a slight red stripe. Their helmets 

were black and white. 

Grey on a grey morning? 

Some where at the back of my 

mind I recalled tips on riding on 

a public road. Wear something 

bright or luminous so you’re 

easily seen. 

I wonder if the cycling fraternity 

shouldn’t consider making 

sure cyclists wear bright, luminous 

colours at all times. 

Our hearts go out to friends 

and relatives of Burry Stander 

and others who’ve lost their lives 

as cyclists on a public road. Even 

one death is one too many. 

LLT, GAUTENG 

CUSTOMER BLUES 

I’m a manager in a retail store 

and it hurts to believe that customers 

feel they’re doing us a 

favour by shopping in our stores 

(YOU Say, 3 January) – 99,9 per 

cent of us work hard for our 

money and shop assistants earn a 

measly R2 500 a month. On top 

of that we’re treated like dogs 

begging for scraps. 

Customers are the first to have

Happy holidays! 

What a beautiful, positive 

story on Joost, Amor and 

their children! Joost, you still 

look as gorgeous as ever 

and will always be an icon 

to all of us. As for Amor, 

I’ve always admired you 

but even more so after 

reading this story. 

Kids are brought into this 

life by us as parents and it’s 

our duty to make sure they’re 

happy and unaffected by 

careless mistakes we as 

parents might make. I take 

my hat off to both of you 

for coming together to help 

your kids through this. 

I hope and pray this story 

has been an inspiration to all. 

MEL, KZN 

B How wonderful for YOU 

to have brought such a ray 

of sunshine into your mag. 

Despite a family being 

hurt and separated and 

affected by a life-changing 

illness with an unknown 

future, forgiveness, compassion 

and understanding 

a fit when they can’t have their 

way. They scream and shout and 

cause scenes and make us feel 

inferior, which we’re not. 

Respect works both ways. 

LLOYD, E-MAIL 

THANKS A LOT, EVE! 

It’s time we dispel this myth: 

women don’t balance anything! 

It’s all thanks to good nannies. 

Damn you, Eve! If it weren’t 

for you I’d be happily breastfeeding 

my 13th child and 

chowing strawberries under a 

tree without a care in the 

world. Instead I spend eight or 

more hours at the office for 

money. 

ABONGILE TYOPO, E-MAIL 

SO LONG, SA 

I recently completed my degree 

at a well-known university. 

I applied for graduate jobs and 

have been rejected at about 

30 firms. 

Companies don’t give feed- 

won the day, and this very 

sad situation could bring life 

and laughter to two beautiful, 

innocent children and peace 

to their mom and dad. 

That they could rise above 

the hatred and ugliness of 

their past and dig very deep 

to find peace to think about 

the future, to forgive and 

move on. 

That when the end comes 

they’ve forgiven each other. 

What a fine example these 

two could be for others. 

I think they’ve realised life 

is too short for negativity 

and anger. 

Awesome Amor and 

Joost, find your joy and 

peace – even if it isn’t together 

as a family. Enjoy 

what you are both comfortable 

with. God bless you all. 

MELANIE REDELINGHUYS, 

YOU FACEBOOK 

B The pictures of Joost are 

shocking. It breaks my heart 

to see him looking so frail. 

CHANTAL, YOU SMS 

back so I’m left with no explanation 

as to why my applications 

have been rejected. 

Do I not fall under the previously 

disadvantaged group – is 

this the reason? Were my grades 

not good enough? I’ve now 

joined the many unemployed 

South Africans and the best 

part is I hold a degree. 

I deserve to be given a chance 

so I’m now applying abroad. 

Goodbye South Africa; I can’t 

wait to leave. 

SEEKER, E-MAIL 

QUIT COMPLAINING 

Will people stop whining about 

their R10 000-plus salaries. 

I’ve been a nursing sister for 

36 years. I’m single, have not 

had a holiday in 13 years, have 

no car, walk everywhere, rain 

or shine, have no luxuries and 

cannot remember when last I 

bought new clothes. 

I earn a gross salary of 

R5 000 a month from which I 

YOU EXCLUSIVE 

SUN, SEA AND 

MEMORIES 

It was a dream come true for ailing Joost 

– a family holiday with Amor and the 

kids, just like the old days 

By DANÉL BLAAUW 

F 

B Thanks, Amor! This 

might be the last holiday 

with Joost. I could not 

stop crying when I saw 

the pictures and read the 

article. I have new respect 

for you. 

RUWEIDA, SMS 

B I really hope things 

progress from here and 

that Joost and Amor get 

back together permanently. 

The children are still so little 

– they need both their mom 

and dad around all the time. 

Marriage is hard but it’s for 

better or for worse, in sickness 

and in health. It’s worth 

the perseverance. 

All the best to both of 

them! 

SARA VAN DER WALT, 

YOU FACEBOOK 

JHB 

MAURITIUS 

FAR LEFT: Excited Jordan, Kylie and Joost at 

OR Tambo International Airport. LEFT: The fami 

board the private shuttle that took them from th 

airport in Mauritius to Le Victoria holiday resort 

(ABOVE). 

OR Joost van der Westhuizen 

the island with its palmfringedfi 

db beaches h and dturquoise i 

sea brings precious memories 

flooding back – this is where 

he and Amor spent their honeymoon, 

and on other holidays played with 

their children in the surf. 

But that was before their marriage fell 

apart, before he was diagnosed with debilitating 

motor neurone disease (MND). Ever 

since the diagnosis he’s been plagued by the 

ABOVE: K 

thought: would he live long enough to again 

and Jorda 

spend such unforgettable moments with his 

take a bre 

kids, Jordan (8) and Kylie (6)? 

from havi 

Now a nearly impossible dream has been 

fun on the 

realised because in December the former 

beach and 

Springbok captain, his estranged wife, sing- 

the ocean 

er Amor Vittone, and their kids again holi- 

BELOW: J 

says he c 

dayed in Mauritius just like in the good old 

see the ch 

days. 

in the kids 

Since the couple split up Amor (40) and 

since he a 

the children have been back to the island 

Amor mad 

every year. She’d made a booking at the 

peace – th 

Le Victoria holiday resort last year just 

happy and 

before she and Joost (41) made peace (YOU, 

carefree a 

22 November 2012). 

“Jordan asked if Daddy was also coming 

along and something told me I should invite 

him,” Amor says. “Joost had tears in his eyes 

when I asked him if he’d like to join us.” 

This was their first family holiday in nearly 

three years. “I was very, very emotional 

while on holiday,” Joost said shortly after 

their return, struggling to form the words. 

Amor Vittone, Joost 

Since being diagnosed with terminal 

van der Westhuizen 

MND in May 2011 his speech has become 

and their kids, Jordan 

and Kylie, on their 

more laboured and his muscles have atro- 

first family holiday 

phied. 

in three years. 

“Because I don’t know what’s going to 

(Turn over) 

8 | 10 JANUARY 2013 you.co.za you.co.za 10 JANUARY 2013 | 9 

have to pay rent, electricity, 

water and telephone. What is 

left I spend on groceries, etc if 

I’m lucky. 

Learn to budget and not use 

credit then maybe you’ll be able 

to live on your high salaries. 

FED UP, NWP 

BIG COINCIDENCE 

My parents were married 38 

years ago. On the same day another 

couple were married in 

the same chapel by the same 

pastor. 

Recently my parents went to 

Israel and while there they decided 

to renew their marriage 

vows. 

What a coincidence – the 

same couple who were married 

on the same day by the same 

pastor in the same chapel were 

also in Israel renewing their vows 

38 years later. 

They didn’t know one another 

before this meeting! 

CATHERINE NOEL CHETTY, E-MAIL 

IN BRIEF 

SMS short letters to YOU at 32113. 

Start with the word YOULETTERS. 

Each SMS costs R1; maximum 

characters (including spaces) 150. 

So proud of our daughter. She 

missed months of school fighting 

cancer two years ago and worked 

hard to catch up. Now she’s one 

of the Bornfree 2012 matriculants! 

Congrats, Emma-liegh. 

PROUD FOLKS, YOU FACEBOOK 

I’ll always love my dogs more than 

humans. Why? Because they’re 

loyal, honest, lovable, fun to be 

with and trustworthy – all the 

things humans aren’ t. So stuff 

that in your pipe, Zuma! 

GROWLING, SMS 

If you can’t afford to pay your maid 

a decent wage, do your own 

house work (YOU Say, 3 January). 

It works for me as a teacher. 

VERITY, SMS 

Help! I’m attracted to sugar mommies. 

I’m 30 and find older women 

attractive. I’m scared because one 

day I’ll need to get married. 

HK, SMS 

So many people need a bone 

marrow transplant to survive yet 

so few South Africans are on the 

registry. We can all give this gift 

of life. I’ve just signed up. 

JUST DO IT, SMS 

To those who complain about 

having contributed towards the 

hostage ransom (YOU Say, 10 January), 

get a life. When you donate 

something it’s out of your hands so 

stop harping on about it. 

MOVE ON, SMS 

Most crèche staff are exploited. We 

have no voice; salaries are pathetic 

and we have no pension fund. 

DESPERATE, CAPE TOWN 

SANDRA PIENAAR 

Our inspirational article on 

waveski champ Sandra Pienaar 

(YOU, 3 January) reported she 

had cancer. In fact she never had 

cancer but an enlarged colon which 

needed to be removed. We’re happy 

to clarify this and we salute her 

wonderful achievements. 

you.co.za 24 JANUARY 2013 | 5

YOU 

HE’S a boerseun from the 

Northern Cape and a factory 

foreman who oversees 80 

people. At weekends he 

braais with the guys, drinks 

brandy and Coke and talks 

rugby. In between he teaches karate. 

But Johan Prinsloo* (40) has a secret: 

every day he wears a disposable nappy under 

his jeans. And at night he puts on an extralarge 

nappy before he goes to bed. Sometimes 

he even sucks a dummy. 

Johan is an adult baby and the fact that he 

wears nappies has nothing to do with health 

problems – he’s just a grown-up who chooses 

to escape to a baby world where he feels 

emotionally secure. 

It’s a worldwide phenomenon (see box on 

opposite page) and was recently in the news 

again in the UK when Channel 4 broadcast 

the documentary The 15-Stone Babies. 


PEOPLE 

JUST A BIG BABY 

He dresses in nappies, sucks a dummy – and 

offers support for other South Africans like him 

By JACO HOUGH-COETZEE Pictures: LUBA LESOLLE 

Johan is married with two children, which 

is why he prefers not to reveal his true identity. 

But he isn’t ashamed to be an infantilist 

– the name for adults who sometimes live 

like babies. 

He readily poses for photographs and even 

puts on his oversized nappy. He laughs when 

he’s addressed as meneer (mister). A man who 

still wears nappies is definitely not a meneer, 

he says. “Rather call me meneertjie.” 

He says without all the baby paraphernalia 

he feels defenceless and afraid. If it weren’t 

for that “I don’t know if I’d be able to face 

the challenges of every day”. 

The first time he read about adults who, 

like him, choose to live in a baby world was 

in YOU in 1996 (29 February). When he 

put on a nappy for the first time in his early 

twenties he thought he was the only man in 

the world to do so. 

But after reading the article he began to 

Without his baby 

paraphernalia 

Johan* feels 

vulnerable. He’s 

set up a website 

(ABOVE) as a 

platform for other 

adult babies in 

SA. BELOW LEFT: 

He read about 

infantilism in YOU 

of 29 February 

1996. 

search the internet for the keywords “infantilism” 

and “adult baby syndrome” – and 

suddenly he was no longer alone. 

“There are hundreds of websites overseas 

with thousands of members who practise infantilism,” 

he says. “But here in South Africa 

there was nothing.” 

That’s why he recently started his own 

website, adultbabies.co.za. 

“The message I want to get across is that 

it’s okay to be this way – you’re not alone.” 

THE ashtray on the stoep table is 

soon full because Johan puts out 

one cigarette after another. 

He’s nervous because this is the 

first time he’s telling his story to a stranger, 

he admits. An hour ago he took a headache 

powder to steady his nerves. 

“But if you hide all the time and deny 

you’re an infantilist you end up with major

THE INTERVIEW AND PHOTOSHOOT WAS DONE AT HOMESTAY TRAVEL, ROODEPOORT (WWW.HOMESTAYTRAVEL.CO.ZA). 

psychological psy problems.” 

He H hid it for 18 years but now accepts 

himself, him he says after his fourth cup of coffee. 

fee “It was a hell of a long road toward 

acceptance. acc You go through phases when 

you yo wear a nappy and are okay with it, but 

then the the feelings of guilt return. Then you 

throw thr everything away, only to go out and 

buy bu the next batch a month later.” 

A psychologist he consulted in 2003 said 

he thought Johan hadn’t received enough 

love lov from his mother as a child. 

“Could be; I don’t know. I remember how 

my my father assaulted my mother every time 

she was unfaithful. After their divorce she 

often oft left us kids home alone when she went 

out. ou 

“To grow up in such circumstances makes 

you feel powerless. You think it’s your fault. 

Later your poor self-image gets the better of 

you.” 

But he doesn’t blame his parents. “Still, 

after everything, I couldn’t have asked for 

better parents. All parents do the best they 

can for their child at that particular moment 

in their life.” 

What he did learn from his psychological 

counselling sessions was to talk about his 

fears and emotions. “I can’t change myself; 

no one can. Communication, that’s the key. 

After I learnt to communicate, my marriage 

is the strongest it’s been in 10 years.” 

THE WORLD OF ADULT BABIES 

The documentary The 15-Stone Babies 

sheds light on the secret lives of adults 

who wear disposable nappies, suck 

dummies and drink from baby’s bottles. 

A couple on the south coast of England, 

introduced only as Maxine and Derek, have 

had a nursery in their house for 10 years 

where adults are treated like babies. It’s 

one of about a dozen in England. 

Maxine plays mom to Derek and other 

adults who pay £50 (about R700) an hour to 

be pacified, fed baby food and given bottles, 

and to have their nappies changed. 

“As soon as you mention adult baby, they 

all think it’s something to do with children 

and it’s, you know, paedophiles,” explains 

Derek, who’s been married for 27 years. 

“We don’t want to be with children. We 

want to be the child.” 

The film also reveals how adult babies 

keep in contact through social media. One 

claims there are 200 000 to 500 000 in America 

and England. In America adult babies are 

even accepted at certain daycare centres. 

Charlie Arnold (31) has been going to 

He often wears 

large nappies 

(RIGHT) and 

his baby bottle 

(FAR RIGHT) 

is a comfort 

after a hard 

day’s work. 

But he doesn’t want his two primary 

school-age kids to know about his infantilism 

yet. “One day when they’re older I’ll 

explain it to them.” 

At night, when the children are asleep, he 

puts on one of his large, brightly coloured 

nappies. If he’s had a bad day at work his 

wife holds him while he spends a long time 

sucking at her breast. She comforts him and 

strokes his forehead. If he’s away from home 

he can’t sleep without a dummy in his 

mouth. 

He refills his cup again. “All people have 

their issues. Some reach for alcohol and others 

take drugs. I reach for my dummy and 

nappies.” 

He works as an artisan but he’s very good 

at needlework, Johan says proudly. He’s even 

recently started making his own nappies. He 

removes a light-blue one with a bow from 

his rucksack. “Like this one. Isn’t it pretty?” 

He has 13 of these nappies in his wardrobe 

at home. And one of these days, when 

his website is up and running, he wants to 

a daycare centre at the University of Nebraska 

at Omaha (UNO) since 2011. “A lot 

of people think we’re doing something sick 

but adult babies just want to be like a baby,” 

he says. 

Adult babies are well monitored and 

investigated before they’re allowed to attend 

daycare centres. 

“Some of these adult babies’ obsession 

can be rooted to certain childhood events, 

while others evolve their lifestyle later in 

life,” says Femi Cootie, a professor of 

psychology at UNO. “Regardless of how 

they got this psychological obsession, 

they’re just trying to escape the realities, 

stresses and burdens of adult life.” 

The kids at the centre no longer see 

Charlie as an adult, says Martha Hubbard, 

an employee there. “They associate him 

as being the head kid in charge and also 

the kid who needs the most diaper changes. 

Besides his size, there’s nothing that separates 

him from the other children,” Martha 

says. “Well, except that he also drives two 

of our kids home at the end of the day.” 

sell the 

homemade 

nappies on 

the site. He 

knows 10 

other infantilists 

and among mong 

them they know w of about 100 in the councountry. “But I estimate there could be as many 

as a thousand of us. Because you have to 

register on the discussion forum on the website, 

we’ll soon know the correct statistic.” 

On the morning of our visit, 17 people 

had already registered on the forum. 

His wife doesn’t want to say much about 

her husband’s habits. “Ag, whatever . . .” was 

her only reaction when Johan told her about 

the interview. 

After another cup of coffee he feels better. 

It was good to talk about it, he says. 

And his message to other infantilists? 

“Accept yourself, warts and all. Having a 

disorder doesn’t make you a bad person.” S 

* Not his real name 

RIGHT: 

Scenes 

from The 

15-Stone 

Babies, 

a film 

about 

adult 

babies. 

In England 

specially 

equipped 

baby 

rooms can 

be hired 

for R700 

an hour. 

PAN MEDIA 

you.co.za 24 JANUARY 2013 | 7

YOU 

A 

GOLDEN pass rate for the 

rainbow nation – 73,9 per 

cent! That’s the apparently 

stunning success story of 

the matric class of 2012. 

“It’s the best pass rate since 

the start of democracy,” the politicians declared, 

fanning the fires of celebration. 

But not all education experts share in the 

joy. Professor Jonathan Jansen, rector of the 

University of the Free State, writes in a 

news paper article one of the most upsetting 

things minister of basic education Angie 

Motshekga has said to date is that learners 

can leave school with dignity – even though 

they required only 30 per cent to pass. 

He believes it’s an admission the government 

has given up on raising educational 

standards for all our children. 

Professor JP Rossouw, education expert at 

North-West University, also expressed his 

dissatisfaction in newspapers shortly after 

the matric results were released. He believes 

too many students qualify on paper for university 

exemption but many don’t have the 

necessary literacy levels and analytical skills 

to make a success of tertiary education. 

Welcoming 4 000 first-year students on 

the Potchefstroom campus of North-West 


NEWS 

BEHIND 

THE 73,9% 

‘MIRACLE’ 

The matric pass rate hides 

a multitude of problems, 

experts say. Here’s what 

every parent needs to know 

about education in SA 

By DANÉL BLAAUW, PIERRE POTGIETER 

& SUZAAN HAUMAN 

University, vice-chancellor Dr Theuns Eloff 

added his voice to that of other academics. 

He told students the university shared the 

concern of others that the matric pass rate 

wasn’t adequate and that performance in key 

subjects such as maths and science left much 

to be desired, Beeld reports. 

Altogether 1 130 659 enrolled in Grade 1 

in 2001. Yet only 512 133 (45,2 per cent) 

of these children passed Grade 12 last year. 

And only 26,6 per cent of those gained university 

exemption. 

So, given the bigger picture, is there really 

reason for cheer? 

If you look at the matric results on paper, 

there has been some improvement year on 

year. In 2008 the matric pass rate was 62,5 

per cent and in 2009 it dropped to 60,7 per 

cent. But since 2010 (67,8 per cent) the 

graph has improved markedly. 

Minister of basic 

education Angie 

Motshekga is letting 

learners down, academics 

say. 

In 2011 the pass rate had risen to 70,2 per 

cent and last year it went up by another 3,7 

per cent. It seems the minister indeed has 

something to be proud of. 

But some experts openly question the 

credibility of an 11,4 per cent increase over 

four years. “If it’s valid then South Africa has 

an education system that’s improving the 

fastest in the world,” Tim Gordon, chief executive 

of the Governing Body Foundation, 

told a daily newspaper. 

In addition the learners compare poorly 

with their counterparts in private schools, 

where 98,2 per cent passed, all of them with 

university exemption. 

Professor Jansen says two school systems 

exist within the National Senior Certificate 

(NSC) system. One is a small but highly effective 

group of mostly former Model C 

schools where a pass rate of more than 90 

I’m really concerned about 

what comes through to 

universities and the workplace 

DR ELSABÉ PEPLER

per cent is achieved. In the other, learners 

pass on paper but know they won’t get a job 

or university admission. 

“To tell learners they can leave the school 

system with these unsound results with dignity 

is to add scandal to the damage. Dignity 

means achieving quality matric marks.” 

The number of distinctions also bothers 

him. “It makes no sense to try to prove you 

can excel in an exam with a 30 per cent pass 

standard. The achievement levels must be 

raised in order to offer our top academic 

learners a true challenge.” 

DR ELSABÉ Pepler, an independent 

educational specialist in Cape 

Town, is just as alarmed about 

our education situation. 

“At first glance it looks like a great achievement. 

But I’m really concerned about what 

comes through to universities and in the 

workplace,” she says. “The dropout rate at 

first-year level is 64 per cent. Only 16 per 

cent of all master’s students get their degrees 

and only nine per cent of all doctoral students 

who register complete their studies.” 

She says things start going wrong at primary 

school level, which is why learners also 

struggle at high school. And that’s one of the 

University of the Free State rector 

Jonathan Jansen is highly critical 

of the matric standard. 

3,9% ,9 

reasons why we end up with a 26 per cent 

matric exemption figure. 

Professor Jansen says a possible solution 

to the problem could be to set another pass 

standard, as is already the case in independent 

schools; something like the Advanced 

Programme in Britain. “It offers a far greater 

challenge for bright learners and they’re 

evaluated according to the international 

standards set for top achievers.” 

He writes that for a long time he’d been 

doubtful about the “colonial” Cambridge 

International Examination (CIE), with its 

O (Ordinary) and A (Advanced) levels as a 

means of setting higher standards for bright 

learners who want to go to university. But 

he’s changed his mind. 

“Given the way in which the department 

of education has downgraded the entire 

public school system to meet the low stand- 

If the increase in the pass rate 

is valid then SA has the fastest 

improving education system 

TIM GORDON 

ards that aim to accommodate failing students 

. . . in the process the standard we 

need for top students has been left behind.” 

Dr Pepler believes parents who can afford 

it shouldn’t hesitate to have their children 

switch to writing exams such as A and O 

levels. “There isn’t any control in the education 

department. And when you look at 

what’s going on at university level the standard 

definitely drops,” she says. 

“We mustn’t fool ourselves: excellent students 

do come from our public schools. But 

a tiny handful of swallows isn’t going to rescue 

our economic situation.” 

In a follow-up article Professor Jansen says 

he would think twice about sending his children 

to a school in South Africa. “Why? 

Because good matric marks mean nothing. 

Seven A’s aren’t worth the paper they’re 

printed on and the chance that every Dick 

and Jane will survive university is very slim.” 

He says these days it’s extremely difficult 

to fail Grade 12. “You have to make a special 

effort: miss your classes, consciously give 

wrong answers to exam questions, hand in 

your answer sheet early. 

“University lecturers will tell you students 

have become weaker over the past few years 

while matric results, seen from the outside, 

have become ever better.” 

Educational specialist Professor Kobus 

Maree of the University of Pretoria says it’s 

alarming that learners pass with just 30 per 

cent or 40 per cent. “It simply isn’t good 

enough. And the statistics are damning – 

where are they going to find work?” 

All the same, without further research he’s 

hesitant to say the matric certificate standard 

has dropped. 

He believes the value of O and A levels for 

learners lies in the international exposure 

they offer. “Such candidates’ chances of 

being admitted to overseas universities are 

better because the Cambridge system is internationally 

recognised.” 

Adina Venter, a Johannesburg educational 

psychologist who has administered aptitude 

tests for 25 years, agrees that without 

research it can’t be claimed that the quality 

of the matric exam is deteriorating. 

“But personally I think the gap between 

(Turn over) 

you.co.za 24 JANNUARY 2013 | 9 

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YOU 

What are A and O levels? 

A, AS and O levels form part of the socalled 

Cambridge system. It’s an international 

system run by University of Cambridge 

International Examinations. A 

(Advanced) levels are recognised worldwide 

as proof of academic competence 

to be admitted to university. 

AS (Advanced Subsidiary) levels are the 

first half of the full A levels. 

O (Ordinary) levels, also known as International 

General Certificate of Secondary 

Education levels, is the basic requirement 

to go on to A/AS levels. 

How do A and O levels work? 

The available subjects are consistent with 

those of the South African system and are 

grouped according to languages, sciences 

and humanities. Learners also choose 

seven subjects. The exams for O/IGCSE 

levels are usually taken at the age of 16, in 

other words when South African learners 

are in Grade 10. 

After O levels, learners may tackle AS 

levels. They may then choose to go on to 

A levels, which are usually attained at the 

age of 18 or 19. 

For general South African university 

admission (equivalent to matric exemption), 

these are required: 

B 4 x AS levels (minimum a D symbol), 

plus 1 x O/IGCSE levels (minimum a 

C symbol) 

Or 

B 2 x A levels (minimum an E symbol) plus 

3 x O/IGCSE levels (minimum C symbols) 

Some faculties have further specific 

subject requirements (for example physics 

and chemistry in order to study for a BSc). 

Advantages of A levels 

The system is recognised in 160 countries 


NEWS 

(From previous page) 

school and university is becoming increasingly 

greater.” 

Aptitude tests 25 years ago correlated better 

with learners’ school marks, she says, 

“These days a learner can get a low mark for 

maths in the aptitude tests and still get 70 

per cent at school. The requirements at 

school level aren’t that high any more.” 

In the past few years, over and above university 

exemption, most universities have 

also required students to write an entrance 

exam known as the National Standard Test 

which tests maths and language skills in particular. 

Medical schools especially regard it 

as an additional yardstick. 

A WAY OUT FOR BRIGHTER LEARNERS 

Performance in key subjects 

such as maths and science 

leaves much to be desired 

THEUNS ELOFF 

So is the writing on the wall for government 

schools? 

Can your child still get a good education 

in a former Model C school if you choose 

correctly? Or is the only way out an expensive 

private school? 

Not at all, Professor Maree says. 

“We have a great many Afrikaans- and 

and is therefore advantageous for learners 

who want to study overseas. Some 

school principals say learners who study 

at a South African university find it easier 

to adapt to the workload, because A levels 

are challenging and correspond to the 

syllabus of first-year subjects. 

In general the Cambridge system is 

known for developing and promoting 

independent thought. 

Disadvantages of A levels 

You need 50 per cent to pass an A level, 

which is difficult to achieve. In the past 

some South African universities and faculties 

were sceptical about the system and 

learners were sometimes prejudiced because 

on paper their results looked poorer 

than those of learners with the National 

Senior Certificate. 

Currently there is a system in place that 

allows Higher Education South Africa to 

evaluate applications on the basis of the 

system that is being followed. 

The Cambridge results are released 

only in late January, which can make it 

challenging for learners wanting university 

admission. 

Where can learners follow the system? 

The Cambridge system is offered at some 

private schools (go to www.ace-sa.co.za 

for information). Some of these schools 

also offer learners the option of doing O, 

AS or A levels part time. 

What does it cost? 

Fees vary from school to school (from 

about R25 000 to as high as R80 000 a 

year). In addition to the school fees 

(which vary), the following exam fees 

are payable: 

O levels: candidate fee of about R650; 

English-language schools that are just as 

good as a private school any day. Their learners 

who achieve at university prove it.” 

Be aware of what goes on in your child’s 

school, Dr Pepler says. Look at the quality 

of education and communication at the 

school. Keep your finger on the pulse. S 

EXTRA SOURCES: BEELD; MAIL & GUARDIAN 

exam fees of about R950 a subject. 

A and AS fees: the same as for O levels, 

plus an exam fee of about R550 per subject 

with a practical exam. 

Where can learners do this if they 

can’t afford a private school? 

Mark Barber of CIS (Cambridge International 

Examinations) says it’s possible for 

learners with a matric qualification to sit 

for A levels after finishing school. “It’s 

then an additional qualification, equivalent 

to Grade 13.” A South African facility that 

offers this option is the SSB Pre-university 

College in Randburg. The fees run to 

R77 500 a year (without board), which 

includes the Cambridge exam fees 

(www.pre-unicollege.com). 

In addition to O and A levels a school 

such as St John’s College in Johannesburg 

also offers A levels as a post-matric 

qualification. Whereas A levels usually 

take two years to complete, someone with 

matric can do an “accelerated course” of 

one year, says the director of the A-level 

course at the school, Kate Byrne. Fees 

for the year run to R97 206 and don’t 

include the Cambridge exam fees 

(www.stjohnscollege.co.za). 

An institution such as Damelin Correspondence 

College (www.dcc.edu.za) offers 

the Cambridge qualification through 

a correspondence course. Prices vary 

according to the subject combinations 

chosen but it costs between R10 000 and 

R17 000 a year to do O, AS or A levels. 

Each of these courses takes two years. 

This doesn’t include the exam fees mentioned 

above. 

For more information go to the web- 

site of the Association of Cambridge 

Educators in Southern Africa (Acesa): 

www.ace-sa.co.za.

IS BRITNEY'S DAD KEEPING HER MAD? - South African Adult Babies

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