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FROM NOVELIST TO PHILOSOPHER, 1944–1957
their break she could no longer retain respect for Paterson, downgrading
her to a second-rate novelist rather than an important thinker. 85
Her changed estimate of Paterson changed Rand’s own understanding
of herself. If Paterson had not been so brilliant after all, then Rand
had done most of her thinking alone. Erasing Paterson’s contribution
made Rand into the completely autonomous heroine of her own personal
narrative. She would come to believe that her individual effort had
solely shaped her ideas and driven her work, excluding her participation
in the intellectual world that Paterson represented.
Personal relationships had always been troublesome for Rand. As she
confessed to Paterson shortly after arriving in California, “I get furiously
nervous every time I have to go out and meet somebody.” Part of the
problem was simply communicating her views to others. Rand found it
difficult to be understood, no matter how long the letters she wrote.
“I strongly suspect that we are not discussing the same theory or the
same problem,” she told Paterson as their relationship unraveled. The
same gap in understanding had plagued her correspondence with Lane
and shaped her reactions to Hayek, Friedman, and Read. 86
The hope of building meaningful political alliances had compelled
Rand to overcome her natural shyness and reach out to others. But
after years of effort she began to wonder if it was all worth it. She had
fi rst been drawn to libertarianism because it broadened her perspective
on the individualist themes that powered her writing. Her contact
with Paterson and others had helped her move beyond the narrow
Nietzscheanism that defi ned her early work. Now, more confi dent in
her ideas, Rand was no longer looking for teachers, but for students.
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