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“Lesson Number Two: Accepting your boyfriend for who he truly is, instead of wishing, manipulating, forcing, begging, tricking him into becoming the guy you want him to be, is the formula for a happy relationship. Choosing a guy for his ‘potential’ is a recipe for disaster.” An older gentleman eating alone at a table next to ours must have overheard because he catches Aunt Marty’s gaze and winks. In true Goddess fashion, she smiles slyly and winks right back. “Next,” she leans close to us, “never forget that a guy will tell you exactly who he is and what he wants right off the bat. You have to learn how to hear him. You also have to believe what you hear. For instance, he won’t come out and say, ‘I’ll cheat on you the moment I have the chance,’ but he will say, ‘Rock stars have it made.’ He won’t say, ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ but he’ll instantly change the subject. He may not say the words, ‘I’m sorry,’ but he’ll buy you flowers. We are the ones who demand specific words. Who says words are the only way to communicate?” New York’s Goddess of Love spreads her pink linen napkin on her lap and smoothes it flat with her hands. Like Mini-Martys, we do exactly the same thing. In the soft light of Le Bistro, my aunt looks like a movie star. “Love,” she says, caressing the glass stem, “is what you feel when someone makes you happy with yourself. Show a man how to love himself and he will adore you. Love is the 122
ultimate ego trip.” Caressing my glass stem, I dramatically sip my virgin Cosmo. “Lesson Number Four: Guys don’t fear commitment, they fear entrapment. They want girlfriends, but not girlfriends who act like their mothers. He wants you in his life, but he doesn’t want you to devour his life. Guys don’t need a mind-meld like we do. They don’t believe that two halves make a whole. Instead, it’s more like two wholes make a couple. Which is a much healthier way to view relationships.” The appetizer-sized portions of salmon almondine arrive. The warm smell of butter and roasted almonds hangs over the table like a soft blanket. Aunt Marty speaks between bites. “Never forget that men live to make us happy. When you are happy, he is happy.” The waiter appears and asks, “Everything okay?” Okay? I want to tell him I’m having the time of my life. Aunt Marty lightly touches his hand and coos, “This is the best meal I’ve had all evening.” He laughs, raises his eyebrows at her, refills our water glasses. The moment he leaves, she says, “See? He’s happy because we are happy.” She takes another bite, chews, swallows, then says, “Women spend so much time griping about all the ways men aren’t perfect, they eventually give up trying. Who 123
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Mary Hogan
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15 IF AUNT MARTY WEREN’T SMACK IN
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SHE WALKS INTO CLASS TEN MINUTES AF
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“DUCK.” That’s the first word
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“Wasn’t the president’s daugh
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“If it isn’t P. Nerdy in his ga
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IT WAS DELICIOUSLY WARM OUT, ONE OF
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The two of us were trapped in a mat
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you see all four of them? They’re
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MOM HAS HER FEET PROPPED UP ON OUR
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Mom—her kinky reddish-gray curls
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ping powerhouse, Odessa, Delaware,
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when I’m in love with a boy who h
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four, but it felt like forty. We le
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a giant looping ramp. Suddenly, I s
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and Destruction” lectures. “Eve
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Before I could figure out what to s
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I laughed, too. Tried to look as ca
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“Do you have these in red?” she
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what everyone else did. “These cr
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sure they’d been ironed. Everythi
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in front of other males, about not
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“WE CAME ALL THIS WAY FOR A DAY ?
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“Who told you?” my mother asked
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The last thing I saw were Aunt Mart
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Far back in the corner of my closet
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emember it. Like the soft, warm com
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asking Aunt Marty for advice about
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un both hands down the front of her
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Mom is speechless. Her hair is a kn
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She slams the freezer door shut in
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WE’RE TOO LATE. BY THE TIME I BRI
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“We have company!” he exclaims.
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ack). He’d round a corner, wearin
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I’d say, “Sure,” without worr
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I wiggle my freshly painted toenail
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“Thanks,” I say, calling after
Page 79 and 80: But—and this is a humongous but
Page 81 and 82: Arthur turned into a puppy. I kept
Page 83 and 84: IF AUNT MARTY WEREN’T SMACK IN TH
Page 85 and 86: the wall that separates the living
Page 87 and 88: about your birth.” “What have y
Page 89 and 90: “She was the only member of my fa
Page 91 and 92: Quietly, she repeats, “There is o
Page 93 and 94: Swiveling, she turns her back on me
Page 95 and 96: corn. I want to bury my face in it
Page 97 and 98: “Check this out,” Perry says, s
Page 99 and 100: We sit. On the white couch. Like tw
Page 101 and 102: Aunt Marty steps back and watches o
Page 103 and 104: “I want my daughter to be prepare
Page 105 and 106: AUNT MARTY’S CAR SMELLS LIKE HER
Page 107 and 108: loop of their relationship going. I
Page 109 and 110: “I know.” Truth be told, it’s
Page 111 and 112: sunscreen, and something I can’t
Page 113 and 114: Only, when I see Frankie, she hands
Page 115 and 116: IT’S THE SMELL OF CINNAMON AND BU
Page 117 and 118: Aunt Marty beams. She races ahead,
Page 119 and 120: Lilah impatiently asks, “What siz
Page 121 and 122: “Nothing,” I say. “Good. Now
Page 123 and 124: Shop, the Gap, Tower Records, Banan
Page 125 and 126: Serrano is as excited to see Celest
Page 127 and 128: “A Cosmopolitan, please,” Aunt
Page 129: Celeste and Frankie excitedly bob t
Page 133 and 134: oth heart and soul. Trust me. That
Page 135 and 136: “That’s why I’m here in Odess
Page 137 and 138: IT’S ABOUT NINE O’CLOCK WHEN WE
Page 139 and 140: fill my daughter’s head with garb
Page 141 and 142: “You don’t hate me, Fay. You ha
Page 143 and 144: My mother moves even closer to me,
Page 145 and 146: something in Wilmington, but the st
Page 147 and 148: I can barely breathe. “You busy S
Page 149 and 150: “Props?” “You know, setting s
Page 151 and 152: your nose, one eyebrow or the other
Page 153 and 154: “Tell your mother the truth.” M
Page 155 and 156: THROUGH THE BUS WINDOW, WE BOTH WAT
Page 157 and 158: “Let’s jam!” he shouts. The G
Page 159 and 160: scope out each mouth-watering possi
Page 161 and 162: “We’ll make it,” Perry says w
Page 163 and 164: appears on the pay line, an astrona
Page 165 and 166: “We can’t.” “We must!” I
Page 167 and 168: completely. My body jingles like a
Page 169 and 170: fantasies. The reality of it is . .
Page 171 and 172: that. Things are flying smoothly ag
Page 173 and 174: twenty minutes, then twenty-five. I
Page 175 and 176: the blood throbbing through my temp
Page 177 and 178: Aunt Marty brings my mother Little
Page 179 and 180: speaks to the coroner about Mr. Art
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emember most about Mr. Arthur. It d
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“Me?” At that moment, I realize
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of the talking.” Then she added,
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my head: For fourteen years, I’ve
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As I look at my mother standing the
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This year, three weeks after Mr. Ar
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last pool of syrup with my last for
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much smaller) head. “So do I.”
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WE HAVE ONE LAST FAMILY DINNER—TH
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makeup somehow remains perfect), Au
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in Dover Mall as often as Mom will
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“Hey,” he says to me, nodding a
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ETERNAL THANKS TO THE AMAZING Amand
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THE SERIOUS KISS PRETTY FACE
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Copyright PERFECT GIRL. Copyright
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