FREE - OKIE Magazine

Men vs. Women
The Valentine’s Day Difference
FLOWERS
male counterpart. Although when it does happen,
she will do extensive online research months in
advance, and even go so far as to talk to the man’s
grandmother to determine if he is allergic to any
particular type of shrubbery; she will choose a foliage
that compliments his lifestyle, and spend hours
and is metaphorically symbolic of their relationship.
The man? Paper roses purchased on February
13th from the check-out counter of the convenience
store…and the clerk was not from here, so they’re
that giving dead vegetation sends the wrong
message.
CANDY
The woman will
undoubtedly already know
what the man’s favorite
candy is, and if possible, she
will order custom-designed
treats of the same in the
shape of hearts; She may
even go to the trouble of
spending hours in the kitchen
baking his favorite sweet
delight complete with toppings
and sprinkles in the shapes
of memories of events in their relationship.
The man will show up with the heart-shaped
box of “assorted” chocolates (forgetting that you’re
allergic), but in his defense, he did make sure not to
get one of the “crushed” boxes. There’s nothing like
cheap, fat-saturated sugar products to say “I love
you.”
CARDS
The woman will spend hours browsing the
greeting card sections of SEVERAL stores,
searching for that one special saying, that one
certain poem, that one picture that is perfectly in
sync with their relationship and the feelings she
$100 at the craft store buying the materials, and then
stay up all night assembling the “perfect” card, made
by hand, to show her love.
The man will give her the dollar-store card he’s
had under his truck seat since last year-- the one that
he forgot to give to his last girlfriend. (And if he’s a
smart man, he’ll white-out the last girlfriend’s name).
By Mortimor Oullouitious Snerkleschwartz
CLOTHING
The woman will take the time to go through the
man’s closet, and search for a jacket or shirt that
compliments his existing wardrobe; she will make
sure it matches his shoes and that he has all the
necessary accessories that match, and insure it’s
something he can wear in a formal setting, or to a
casual event.
The man will buy her sexy lingerie or at least what
he thought was sexy in theory.
JEWELRY
sleeping to make sure she gets
the right size, and make note of
the style of watch he prefers, and
purchase him an expensive piece
of jewelry that blends perfectly
with his existing attire, but also
shows him that she feels he’s
worth every penny she spent.
The man will avoid jewelry
stores like Superman running
from kryptonite, fearing he may
end up purchasing a ring. So,
invariably, the woman gets the
“Taking Care of Business” Elvis
necklace he got at the Secret
Santa event in December.
Here’s the best advice ol’ Mort can give you;
Day, simply because, well, women and men are
Women want expressions of love, caring,
compassion, commitment and understanding. Men?
Well, beer and lingerie pretty much does it.
But know this: While women are much better at
expressing their feelings of love, it doesn’t mean the
men don’t feel the same way. They just don’t know
how to show it without blowing something up, or
bringing home a carcass, thinking that will impress
you. But women have to understand if the man is
trying to impress YOU he doesn’t want to impress
anyone else. That’s as close to an expression of
commitment and love you’re going to get out of some
ol’ boys.
So to survive Valentine’s Day, women have to rely
on that ONE gift that God gave them in abundance-patience.
And men-- men just have to manage to get
through the day without saying the wrong thing or
blowing something up.
OKIE MAGAZINE www.okiemagazine.com Page32